gromalamaz Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I only post this because things are a little...weird for me right now. My ex broke up with me in September and I have had a hard time with it. I've gotten to a better place, realizing things about myself AND him that made/make it impossible for us to be together at this time. My ex-fiance left me a little over 3 years ago for a lot the same reasons. A lot of it is me, and a lot of it has to do with the people I chose to date (I keep dating the same 'type'). He has maintained contact over the past few years -- it's always been initiated by him via emails. At times I ignored them, or, replied letting him know how I was and telling him about my, now, ex -- good things about how our relationship had been going. I recently started talking to him again, and we are going to see eachother in two weeks (we live halfway accross the country from eachother). He has not had a relationship since me, and I've had 1 serious relationship and dated 2 other people for lengths of time since then. I thought that I was fine with going out there for a long weekend and just enjoying his company (we've always had that). He mentioned that he was a little worried that it might stir some things up for him and create a lot of 'what-ifs'? He also told me that he still loved me and that it took losing me for him to realize a lot of things about himself and relationships. I played it off, saying that I didn't want it to hurt him, and that we should just live in the moment of those few days together - I was upfront about my intentions. AND, if anything came up for him emotionally, he should talk to me about it while I'm there and we can work through it. Well, after thinking about the things he said, I realized that I still may have feelings for him. He is the guy that I consider having "gotten away". I've never had such an amazing intellectual AND physical connection with anyone since him. My ex was wonderful, but we never met on an intellectual level like my ex-fiance. I know, in my heart of hearts, that this may be difficult and I am unsure how to navigate it. I entered into the situation believing that it would be a purely selfish weekend for both of us and told him so. Him talking about his feelings has me now thinking about the 'what-ifs' -- he is totally in a situation where he could move, as he's job-hunting and looking for a fresh start...AARGH! I wish that I didn't think about these things so much! Any advice, feedback, experiences out there?? Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Often these things are meant to be. Just trust your heart and don't rush things. But often one of the partners just needs to grow up and then they can reconnect later. Link to comment
gromalamaz Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Thank you for responding, John. Yes, a lot of it had to do with immaturity with my ex and myself AND we were both in transition at the time we were together (I was in grad school, planning on relocating for work and he had just gotten out of the military and had been overseas for 5 years). We encountered problems that neither of us were equipped to deal with. A text from him the other night said as much: "I didn't treat you the way your husband should treat you. You reacted and didn't treat me the way I'd want my wife to treat me. I don't think we knew how to fix it at the time." I'm just scared that we both still have feelings for eachother and that I may 'fall' into it with him again...he was the 'love of my life'... Help! Link to comment
gromalamaz Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Oh, I had texted him last night about my newly discovered apprehensions...he responded: "How can two thirtysomethings be so effing lost? It's kind of funny. Really sucks, but it's funny. I don't have an answer to that one." What am I to think? Link to comment
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