My ex broke NC last night for a silly reason...and now this. Need a little advice.

[justletgo07]

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago, and I've been NC for nearly 2 months (a couple of breaks, but nothing big). Last weekend I was doing some cleaning and came accross some books she had let me borrow when we were together. I thought about calling or texting her to see about giving them back to her, but decided not to, since about 3 weeks ago she dropped off a bag of my stuff at my house while I was at work and didn't call or text to let me know. I went ahead and dropped them off at her apartment and didn't expect to hear anything from her.

 

Well, last night, I get the following text:

 

"Hey, I just wanted you to know that one of the books you dropped off at my house isn't mine."

 

To me, it seems like a silly reason to contact me. I mean, it's just a book, and obviously, if I gave her the book then I must not want to keep it. Plus she didn't ask what she should do with it, so it seemed like she was just texting to see if I'm still here...feeling me out. I know many people would recommend absolutely no response, but I felt that would convey "I'm still hurting and I'm going to ignore you."

 

I decided to respond with the following text: "My bad. Keep it or throw it away."

 

I just received the following response:

"Is there something wrong? I mean, did I do something to make you mad?"

 

What is she looking for? Why is she reaching like this?

 

I'm not sure the best way to respond. I'm not mad at her at all. She broke up with me and I'm hurt, but she did what she felt she needed to do and I can't be mad at her for that. I'm just trying to move on with my life, so I'm keeping things short and all business until I heal.

 

What do you guys think? How should I respond? Should I respond at all?

[Xplode]

I'm not sure the best way to respond. I'm not mad at her at all. She broke up with me and I'm hurt, but she did what she felt she needed to do and I can't be mad at her for that. I'm just trying to move on with my life, so I'm keeping things short and all business until I heal.

 

Reworded...

You with me and I'm hurt, but you did what you felt you needed to do and I can't be mad at you for that. I'm just trying to move on with my life, so I'm keeping things short and all business until I heal.

 

id go with that its pretty solid.

to me it says you have feelings, and your just taking your time for yourself.

 

btw, sounds like she is feeling out your situation.

people break up and then realize being single isn't as much fun as they first thought. and miss what they had.. then keep trying to push back into it.

[Massari]

I really like the response.. Very clever.. but now your best move will be to leave it at that. Now it is your time to do some damage.. remember what she did to you and how long it took you to be where you are right now. With you not responding to that you are staying at your ground and will make her wonder. I am not sure if you do want to get back with her or you want to move one. But whichever you chose, not responding will be the best way for both options..

 

Good job bro

[justletgo07]

I wouldn't be opposed to having getting back together at some point.

 

Wouldn't ignoring her make it look like I'm mad at her? Wouldn't it be more effective to be nonchalant and just respond with "Nope. Everything is fine."?

[justletgo07]

Ok, so I responded with: "Nope. Nothing's wrong."

 

Here's what proceeded between the two of us:

Her: "Ok I just really didn't know what was going on."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Her: "Just the whole facebook thing, and I hadn't heard from you in a while. I know you don't want me to contact you, so I haven't been."

 

The "facebook thing" she was referring to is that, about a month ago, I decided I couldn't take it and unfriended her on facebook so that I wouldn't be tempted to look.

 

She didn't ask for an explanation or anything, so I think maybe its best if I don't respond. I'll just wait and see what she does from here.

[Massari]

akhhhhh man why did you respond??you should have left it as it was, you don't have to explain yourself to her just like she didn't explain the break up.

 

The facebook thing you did is normal. I did it too when my ex broke up with me. I undfriended her and for some reason suddenly they become STUPID and don't know why me and you unfriended them. Simple: I don't want to know what is going on in your life anymore, which guys write on your wall and so on. I don't understand why they don't get it.

[justletgo07]

Yeah, maybe it would have been best if I had just ignored her after that....

 

However, I didn't explain myself, or reveal how I was feeling about anything, and I'm not going to respond to her last text.

 

Did I give her all the power back again?

[Massari]

Yeah, maybe it would have been best if I had just ignored her after that....

 

However, I didn't explain myself, or reveal how I was feeling about anything, and I'm not going to respond to her last text.

 

Did I give her all the power back again?

 

 

No not yet. YOu still have the edge. Just don't sent or response anything just yet. Reply to a message only if it is worth it. If she wants to see you or she says she misses you or that she is sorry about things.. Then reply but other then that the how are you messages and so are useless. no need to reply to them.

[Pandaman211]

You're overanalyzing just a bit, like most people in your situation would do. Don't sweat it. Go with the flow, find constructive things to do to take your mind off her. If she wants to come back, she will. I definitely would not say anything about "I need to heal and move on" bla bla bla. If you ask me, thats not a really masculine thing to say. You seem pretty level headed and understanding of the breakup, which is great, so it would be useless for you to say something as direct as that. Show through your actions, not words.