the agony of divorce

[lostinthoughts]

Dear All-

 

I'm am sure there have been posts like this in the past, so please forgive me but I just have to get this out. I am in the final stages of a divorce after 10 year of marriage and have never felt so low, helpless, and scared in my life. Our nice home, of which we have spent both time and money, is sold. I have looked at rentals and the thought of going home alone has me very depressed. (I would look at condos, etc, but we close on the house very soon, and I don't feel I am the proper state of mind to buy something so quickly)

 

You can get more background on my situation from my few prior posts. Basically my wife told me 1 yr ago she wanted a divorce. She reconsidered after I pleaded, but became very cold and distant after that-would not kiss me or even go out to eat with me. She refused any attempts at counseling or reconciliation, saying essentially we had tried it already, it didn't help, so why bother. I started to feel isolated and felt it was a matter of time (in 2 years her son would finish high school) until she would dump me. I then asked for a divorce about 4 months ago.

 

At first I was okay but now the finality is setting in. It is surreal. In many ways the pain I now feel is worse than the pain I felt when we were married but emotionally distant and isolated. At least being married she was THERE and her son and our dogs were there. Now i see emptiness. We are both not bad people but we each have our issues. I feel one my issues, a sexual one, will make it harder to build new relationships. I do see a therapist, but all these fears of the future remain. I am 53 years of age, not old, but older than i would like to be as someone who is starting all over.

 

Thanks so much for any comments

[beejcee]

hi lost --

 

i'm also getting divorced after 10 years of marriage. i filed in august and it's been much harder than i ever imagined it could be....

 

i find it's kind of like a roller coaster.... you feel like you are up and starting to be happy and then suddenly and often unexpectedly the pain intensifies again. i sure wish it could be different for all of us going through this..... sorry you're having a bad time.

 

i noticed you mentioned you feel along and besides missing your wife and son, you also miss your dogs. have you considered adopting a shelter dog? it would be company and give you affection at a time you really need it. that's just a thought.

 

i am glad to hear you are seeing a counselor, me too. here's something mine suggested for me and it has been helpful. she told me to try not to look at the future right now, it's just too scary for me. instead she told me to concentrate on getting though the next day, hour or even minute at times. that has really been helpful advice for me.

 

none of us really know that we will be alone for the rest of our lives so try not to obsess over that right now. just do what you need to do to get through today.

 

take care and i know better times are coming for you....

[thejigsup]

I'm almost 53 and I will tell you this: you are only as old as you feel. I feel young and act young. Try to have some fun with life. Your life will not be empty forever, your ex had to leave to make room for the wonderful woman who will come into your life and make it wonderful! There are many nice women in their fifties who would absolutely love to meet a nice man around their age. Good luck!