I'm tired of bringing myself down:(

[nurse1986]

I was just sitting here thinking about everything I hate about myself and my life style. Why am I such a negative person? I want to blame my mother for doing this to me, but can I really do that? She hasn't been a big part of my life for nearly 8 years now. I see her every now and again, but we aren't close.

 

That's another thing, I don't have loving parents. My mom wasn't there for me and when she was, she hurt me and talked me down. I don't even know my dad, couldn't pick him out of a crowd if I had the chance.

 

Right now, I'm sitting here listening to music and wondering why I do this to myself? I'm trying to be a good person...I am a good person, I just don't treat myself good enough. There are so many things that I want to do..I want to lose weight, travel places, be a more free spirited person.

 

All these "I's"....It's like I can't think of anything else to say? Helping people is what I love...Why can't I help myself? Why can't I love myself?

 

I wish I could walk into a situation--any situation--positively. I want to truly be happy....How can I do that for myself?

 

There's so much more I want to write, but I have to put my thoughts in order. There's too much rushing in.

 

I'm listening to ruff endz, someone to love you...It's a good song. It's very up-lifting and that's what I need....

 

until later,

 

 

[nurse1986]

I decided to stay up AT least until 9, so I can wake up at a reasonable time tomorrow morning.

 

I think before I leave the house again, I'm going to have a sip of wine to relax my nerves...Actually, I could use a sip right now, I'm just to lazy to get up to get it...lol I'm terrile...I'll get up in a minute. I'm going to finish writing this tho...You know me...ME & my "tho" and "wuteva" wordz!..lol I crack myself up...I'm so tired right now and spouting things out. I love this song. I heard it on a movie last night and I had to find it. I listened to it like 10 times since last night....I told myself that I'm going to play it every night!

 

It's such a great song...It's so positive!

 

Here are the lyrics...I found em'...

 

 

 

Ruff Endz - Someone to Love You

 

 

Mmm...yeah

Mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm...

 

I betcha that I could read your mind

And tell you everything you're going through

Baby, I cry to find a thousand reasons why

You're alone and acting so cold

 

Tell me how long you've been this way

Maybe I can open up your heart

See, I've been waiting all my life for someone just

like you

And I know you've been waiting too

For someone to love you

 

All you need is someone who cares (For someone to love

you)

Someone who will always be there (Mmm...mmm...)

All you need is to say is that you want me to be with

you

Girl, I know you waited so long

For someone to love you

 

Ooh...

Mmm, mmm, mmm

 

Baby, I wish I could be there

For every time you ever shed a tear

Baby, I hate to see a pretty girl like you

Goin' through the things that you do, yeah

 

Girl, I think you've gone for far too long

Without a good man to make you smile

Now how can I appeal to you and make you understand

That I'm here, what are you waiting for

Someone to love you

 

All you need is someone who cares {Oh, yeah, someone

to love you}

Someone who will always be there {Mmm...}

All you need is to say is that you want me to be with

you

Girl, I know you waited so long

For someone to love you

 

Maybe you've been waiting for a man from all your

fairy tales

Or maybe just a man from all your dreams

Try and think reality, enjoy the possibilities

¡®Cause girl, you now you've waited so long

For someone to love you, you, you, you, you

{Someone to love you}

You waited, oh, so long

 

All you need is someone to care (Someone to love you,

who really cares)

Someone who will always be there (A man, a man like

me)

All you need is someone (Someone, someone, someone

like me) {How was your day, baby}

All you need is someone who will be there {Open up

your heart, please, babe}

All you need is someone {Woo, I care for you, take my

hand}

All you need is someone {I wanna be there} (Someone,

someone, someone, someone)

All you need is someone