Lauren.xo Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Ugh. So this is beyond crazy now. So I have posted a couple times about my rollarcoaster boyfriend. I really thought things had changed. I really saw in only a few days he was laughing, acting cute and being his normal old self with me... and then... he dumped me again! I don't know what to do anymore. He is so hot and cold... One day he wants me, the next he doesn't... Why can't he just make up his mind.. I love this guy and it is tearing me apart.. I just want to be good everyday with him Basically what happened was we got back together a week ago (LDR, So its not really like we broke up, because I was still talking to him everyday and he would never touch any other girl, nor me with another guy.. but he did say nasty things to me) anyways, he was actually texting me first and being super cute! I thought things were getting back on track... And then one night after a great day on videotalk program.. he starts telling me he is watching a show with strippers on it.. I say.. "Why are you telling me this? To get me going? You know I get jealous for stupid reasons!" and he goes "because I can" and I say back "No you can't" and he says right back "What are you going to do, if your not happy about it, dump me". He knows all I want is our relationship to work.. But yet I won't back off or dump him because I love him with all my heart. When we are together it is like nothing I have ever experienced... We talked on the phone today, and I told him I loved him when I said bye and he said it back. We said we would talk tonight. I don't know what is going to be said. How can I stop this behavior. He NEVER used to be this way! If anything before it was more MYSELF! Now that I want a healthy normal relationship, he acts this way.. Why can't we just be good and love eachother. He loves me, I love him. Why can't that be enough!? I mean he has told me that "his heart is destroyed from the past".. But I just want to show him i'm here now to love him and treat him very good. Why can't he give me the time to show him that? Time apart will just let him get over me SO sad... SOOO sad.... L Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I think he knows he has this control over you so he uses it whenever he wants. He treats you badly knowing that he will get away with it because you will be there waiting to welcome him with open arms when he decides to come back. I think you need to take some of that control back. Go NC on him for a while and let him see what he will lose out on if he continues to act this way. Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 he starts telling me he is watching a show with strippers on it.. I say.. "Why are you telling me this? To get me going? You know I get jealous for stupid reasons!" and he goes "because I can" and I say back "No you can't" and he says right back "What are you going to do, if your not happy about it, dump me". He knows all I want is our relationship to work.. But yet I won't back off or dump him because I love him with all my heart. When we are together it is like nothing I have ever experienced... Is this a serious conversation or joking around? It is pretty clear to me that he doesn't take you or the relationship that seriously. He seems arrogant and immature from this angle. I understand LDRs have their own set of problems, particularly around communication. But it is hard for anyone to seem like this by mistake. I don't know if there is any basis for a healthy relationship here. But if there is, you really need to lay down the law. You need to tell him, or get him to answer what "is" and what "isn't" between you to. You need to tell him what is acceptable and what is not. Joking around about breaking up is not acceptable. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 THIS WILL NEVER END UNLESS YOU TAKE CONTROL.... Tell him you are completely done with him and walk away. You have turned yourself into the biggest puppet. Don't speak to him again... he will either take some time and miss you and get his **** together or he won't. If he does then you take your time to see if he is serious... if not YOU are way better off than this. Tell him tonight its over... you end it and then stick to your guns... anything less just tells him he is allowed to have his way with your emotions. Good luck - I know it hurts Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 He does walk all over me. Why when I realize the type of relationship I want to be in with him, does he start doing all this. I guess I need to say to him tonight "i'm here, not for drama, but for us..".. Not in those words but along the lines. If he refuses.. Im going to NC... I can't play these games anymore.. My heart breaks every third day over and over... My fear is that he will move on. He is a very goodlooking guy, semi-famous, rich.. all the junk girls go after (NOT ALL GIRLS!!!!***). I met him before any of this and loved him for him. Why can't he see what I am. I don't think anyone would ever have our connection. Why does it start to go bad once I realize that I want no more fights and to just love eachother everyday.. Did I realize toooo late? Do I keep fighting to show him what I want.. or do I give up L Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Why are you afraid of him moving on when he treats you this way? The fact that he's semi-rich, good looking and rich has NOTHING to do with his character, the type of person he is, and whether or not he's capable of being in a mature relationship. He acts this way with you because he knows he can get away with it. Forget about saying the "i'm here for us, not the drama" bit....I wouldn't even bother giving him another "chance." Why even give him yet ANOTHER chance right now when he repeatedly blows it in just a matter of a couple of days? I GUARANTEE if you say this to him and he accepts, you'll be in this same situation again in less than a week. Why don't you put yourself first for once, tell him it's over tonight and go hard NC. Like the other poster said, he'll either get his act together or he won't. And if he doesn't, what do you REALLY have to lose besides heartache and constant drama? Do this for yourself. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Thank you so much for all the great advice. It kept me strong tonight. We talked on IM and I wasn't acting like I usally do.. I actually talked really short and only answered his questions! He said to me that he wanted a break for a bit, also when he said that he called me by the nickname he uses for me.. All I replied was "ok"... And then he said.. It will be a 6 month break.. And I replied "alright" because I knew he was just trying to get me to react.. And then he started saying.. You don't care if we don't talk for 6 months.. And all I said was "I do".. I was super short in my answers.. And I even for once said I had to go first! Guess what the last thing he said to me was?? His goodbye was all this mushy stuff wanting to kiss me and how he misses me... Did I reply? Nope!!! I'm done going to him. Seriously this rollercoaster is over. Link to comment
Lauren.xo Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Oh AND.. He said "we can even do the break together, I just want a couple days 0 talk"... I didn't even answer about the together part. Reacted 0%.. Just filling people in incase they thought his 6 month thing was him being serious lol! Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hey, sorry hes at it again. Here is what I posted on your last thread: Also, if you've hurt him in the past, he probably feels warranted to say w/e he wants since you hurt him, you'll be there, and he's one up on you. When I was in my relationship months ago and back in April, she somewhat hurt me too, and was so sorry and cried, etc. I forgave her after a couple days, but for a month or so I was (wrongly) embracing a more "you screwed me over, so you are in debt to me" attitude, and since she never brought it up or failed to be more hands on about that issue, I continued doing it until I realized bc she was hurt and felt that I was talking to her in a condescending tone, which I never MEANT to, b/c I loved her dearly and treated her great, but I would have my moments where I would disregard something she said. This could be very well what hes doing right now, saying "well I didn't mean it like that, so thats your problem". I recall saying that exact sentence a couple times during that stretch, knowing she felt really bad, and that she loved me more than anything, so I could get away with saying it and she would never even think of leaving me. If this continues, you need to confront him about it, tell him you're sorry for hurting him, but that for you guys to take a step forward he cannot hold things against you, and you feel like you're not being seen as his equal. No matter how reluctant or cautious you may be because of the possibility that he may break it off, realize that if this situation or mindset on his part continues, it was never going to work out to begin with. No matter how hard you try, if the two in the relationship don't view each other as equals, it won't ever work out, and the slim possibility that the one being mistreated or looked down upon did stay with that person, they would never be truly happy. True happiness and love does not reside in arrogance. I'm not sure if you read it, but this very well could be the case Link to comment
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