What makes you not accept the second date from the guy....

[Raincheck]

even though he made you laugh, he was proper, he was funny and you laughed along with him and made him BELIEVE you had a good time and wanted to see him again? Ladies, what is it that makes you say "no" to that second date? I am not talking about a guy who's breath smelled or was kind of rude etc...I am talking about a guy who would believe (by the way you acted on the date) that you two hit it off, yet when he calls you have an excuse for the second date?

 

What else besides the obvious will make you turn him down? I've heard girls can think one thing one day and then suddenly change their mind aboutt the guy the next...wdf?????? is this true?

[Lights]

Obviously I haven't done the whole dating thing in a while cause I've been in a relationship.

But when I did date I wouldn't typically go on another date if:

 

-the chemistry felt all wrong. sometimes I had everything in common with someone in conversation and stuff, but going and being on an actual DATE felt too weird. no spark.

 

-certain comments. sometimes i'd get the feeling something wasn't going to work just by him saying certain things that didn't sit well with me. example: telling me how horrible smoking is despite knowing i'm a smoker before asking me out. i don't like guys wanting to change me into their ideal girl. i'm not a piece of clay.

 

-over enthusiasm - sometimes it comes off TOO eager, and a little stalkerish if you get too assertive. but that works both ways too, it's a turn off if they don't act interested at all even if they are.

 

those are just a few.

[saltandvinegar]

I had one guy who tried to move in too close at first meeting. It really put me on edge and his teeth were rotten, and i was not over someone else, and he lied about his height, and he wasnt interested in what i had to say and he was desperate.

 

he was funny though.

 

But it wasnt enough.

 

He asked for a second date when i left him at the bus stop and got quite desperate, but i knew that there was no way i could ever kiss him. Ever.

[Honey Pumpkin]

even though he made you laugh, he was proper, he was funny and you laughed along with him and made him BELIEVE you had a good time and wanted to see him again? Ladies, what is it that makes you say "no" to that second date? I am not talking about a guy who's breath smelled or was kind of rude etc...I am talking about a guy who would believe (by the way you acted on the date) that you two hit it off, yet when he calls you have an excuse for the second date?

 

What else besides the obvious will make you turn him down? I've heard girls can think one thing one day and then suddenly change their mind aboutt the guy the next...wdf?????? is this true?

 

Well, I've turned down guys because 'the spark' isn't there. That's not good or bad, it's just that I don't really fancy them that much, and I'm not going to push it. They can be lovely, but I've had dates where it's been a bit of an effort because there is no spark between us. I tend to not try and make a go of it, just accept that it isn't there. Once or twice if we seemed compatible, I would go out with them again, but it never really worked out.

 

I'm lovely (obviously!) but I accept that not every guy is going to find me funny and attractive etc; you know what it's like when you just click with someone? It's not bad or good, it just is. Best thing is to not take it personally in my opinion.

[annie24]

hm - i was in a situation like this once. i met a guy at a bar, he asked me out, and we had a nice date. he was extremely tall and attractive and nice, however, he wasn't very ambitious, as he hadn't finished college (and i am finishing my phd). he had kind of a dead end job. i told my friend about him - and it turns out she dated him also 2 years ago!!! as well as another friend!!! they both said the same thing - he was very nice and attractive, but his lack of education was a turn off.

 

he told my friend he tried to go to school, but the profs were jerks, so he dropped out. i was kind of concerned about that comment. if you want to go to school - you do! and you just switch classes, or you accept that a prof is a jerk and you just deal with it. in short, i was worried about how he handles conflicts and how ambitious he was. he told me he was having a lot of financial problems, which for a man in his mid-30s without any medical problems or whatnot, was kind of a turn off. if that all makes sense.

 

i want to meet someone with an interest in education, and someone with at least a college degree.

[COtuner]

1. Didn't really have much in common, or didn't seem like we would be able to relate beyond small talk

2. No chemistry physically

3. too soon, not ready to date

 

I do let the guy know though, I don't just vanish (at least not since I was over the age of 25!)

[COtuner]

That would be a red flag to me too. My current BF had told me that school to him was a checklist he had to get through to go to work so he didn't care much. I didn't think much about that at the time but I've since realized that reflects our attitudes towards life, our goals, and how we handle challenges. I think a lot of our problems could have been identified early on if I had realized this was a sign of it.

[Truth317]

he told my friend he tried to go to school, but the profs were jerks, so he dropped out. i was kind of concerned about that comment. if you want to go to school - you do! and you just switch classes, or you accept that a prof is a jerk and you just deal with it. in short, i was worried about how he handles conflicts and how ambitious he was. he told me he was having a lot of financial problems, which for a man in his mid-30s without any medical problems or whatnot, was kind of a turn off. if that all makes sense.

 

i want to meet someone with an interest in education, and someone with at least a college degree.

 

That makes sense.

 

The financial/education problems wouldn't be so bad if he was making an attempt to correct them. We all screw up sometime and things happen in life. And college is not for everybody. But if it's not, just say that's it not. Don't drop out of school because professors are "jerks."