Depression

[kevinm]

So I feel depressed. It hit me like an on-coming train. Last week I felt okay, "normal" for me. This week... and I don't know what flipped the switch, but I just can't shake my mind free. I find myself thinking about my exes again, in particular one I haven't thought about for several months. She was really great, except for the fact that she was going through her own stuff. Last night I sent an email to her, thinking it would just end up in her spam folder. But she wrote back... and now I've learned she's back with her husband. That makes me feel just great, knowing that during their separation I was "the guy"... in short it makes me feel very used.

 

I contacted another ex who I'm still in quasi communication with... she, as is her typical pattern, acknowledged my feelings by glossing over them with her own. She then continued to elaborate everything that was going on in her life.

 

I've also been pensive about my late wife. Evaluating the direction of my own life. It's so tough when "we" and "us" no longer exist... I'm left here holding the bag. It's back to "me" and "I" ... frankly, I'm not sure what I should do.

 

At the end of the day I feel largely misunderstood. I feel very, very, very alone. Strange, I am surrounded by people all day, engaged in conversations, yet I feel so undeniably alone.

 

-Kevin

[greensleeves]

I think maybe it has to do with the time of year, especially since this has all come up for you in the past week or so. Christmas and New Years can bring up alot of memories and it's a difficult time to be alone. If you have happy memories of your exes and your late wife that revolve around these holidays, it's bound to make you feel alone if you're not with anyone right now. It sounds like getting in touch with these two ex girlfriends added to it all...it's not so great to know that things are going well for an ex when you're feeling down. What you're feeling is probably temporary, but if it continues after the holiday season or gets worse, if might be a good idea to speak to your doctor.