Love or what.....?

[ensign_19]

hi i have been seeing this man (i am 20, he is 37) for about 7 months now who says he absolutely loves me but i find myself not believing him. let me tell you why. The first time we had sex it was in a car, i was not prepared. I asked him not to take my stockings off as i was not ready but he did anyway and had sex with me. I suffered internal trauma that day and had to go hospital, He did however come to visit me and said he was sorry and didnt mean to be rough.

He doesnt call me everyday to say he loves me. He hardly asks me how i am just texts me say, once in two days to say he loves me and misses me loads. In 7 months he has taken me to the cinema once and bought me a mobile phone and a top. He keeps saying how lucky he is to have me ( I am a v pretty and good girl and lots of people ask me out all the time - sorry for blowing my own trumpet) but i just dont feel as special and loved as i expected to feel in a relationship. i was wondering if i am being silly and making a big deal about all the stuff i just said above. your input would be really helpful.

[avman]

He doesn't treat you like someone who loves you. He treats you like someone he uses when he has sexual desire.

 

Someone who loves you doesn't rape you. And thats exactly what he did. You said no, he did it anyway and he HURT you. Thats wrong on every level and there is no excuse for what he did.

 

He rarely ever takes you out. He doesn't ask how YOU are doing. He doesn't treat you like the special person that you are. These are not good things at all. You deserve so much better than that.

 

Is this guy married? Is there something else going on? Because I see danger signs written all over this and I'm a little worried for your safety.

 

avman

[AzurePhoenix]

Ensign_19,

 

Lets start by examining this:

 

What do *you* want in a relationship?

 

To be brutally honest ( and I appologize if I offend), this does not sounds much like a realationship. I sounds like you are a mistress..meaning that there are other things in his life which take his time that are more important than you. It could be his work, his family, his hobbies.. or his wife or other girl friend?

 

We all have needs, emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual and security. Which needs besides physical do you fill for him? Which of these needs that you have does he meet?

 

You seem to have come to the realization that there is more to a relationship than what you are experiencing.. and you are absolutely right..there is a great deal more. For some people, however, that is enough.. and that is why I ask you to figure out what it is that you need and want..

 

Warmest regards,

 

~AzurePhoenix

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I don't have a lot to say, but I will say this. Any guy that won't respect what you want, especially when it comes to those things sexual, isn't worth your time. Whether or not he said he was sorry really doesn't change anything. I say leave the ... insert what ever colorful expletive you wish here...

[ensign_19]

Thank you so much my friends. you ahev said in words what i have been feeling for ages. I have been depressed about this for ages and its not worth it. I know what i have to do now.

Thank you so much again.

[ensign_19]

Despite all this however. i have great love in my heart for this guy and have dreamt of being with him for the rest of his life and taking care of him. I do not know why I feel like this for him despite all this,

[AzurePhoenix]

From what you have written (both here and in private), I can tell you that this is not a healthy situation and it will end very badly for you. The longer you wait to get out of this situation, the harder and more devestating it will be when it ends. Avman is also correct in that there may be an element of personal danger here.

 

I can elaborate on my reasoning behind this if you would like.

 

 

Warmest regards,

 

~AzurePhoenix

[avman]

I second those sentiments. This is an unhealthy and dangerous relationship. Please for your physical and emotional well-being end this now. Do not see or talk to this man again. He obviously does NOT have your best interests at heart.

 

I can understand where your heart says one thing but your head says another. This is a situation where you NEED to listen to your head and tell your heart to keep quiet.

 

Run away! Run away as fast as you can from this.

 

avman

[DealingWithIt]

i hope you realize that what you have is not a real relationship. A man who truly loves you won't treat you that way. And having sex in the car? He's 37 and I assume he has a stable job, can't he afford to take you home or at least a hotel? I think he's either married or have a gf...

[routerx]

I'm 35 and I can tell you as a man.. he isn't treating you like a man should treat a woman.. and he knows better.

 

Dump this guy.

 

Also, I would NEVER date a 20 year old. She has her whole life and future ahead of her. I woudn't feel right about reeling her in when she hasn't seen the awesome world we live in yet.

 

Dump this guy.

 

The fact that he caused you injury and didn't do what you told him when it came to sex shows he has problems. The fact that he doesn't treat you right (restaurants, time together) shows he has problems.

 

Dump this guy.

[ensign_19]

Thank you so much for everything. You do not what you guys have done. I am so grateful for all the time effort and true advice you have given me. Its so warm and touching to know that sometimes total strangers can be there for you in a way that no one else can.

 

I have decieded to listen to all of your advice and run away from this filth. I am a God fearing person and i have a very bright furture ahead of me (i am studying to be a nurse) and in no way am i going to allow this to ruin it for me.

 

Thank you again. God bless you.

[avman]

ensign_19, good for you! I have no doubt that there is someone out there who will treat you like a princess.

 

Good luck and God bless.

 

avman