what kind of feeling is this?

[markii]

Can anyone tell me what kind of feeling is this? For the first time, i had such feelings ... that when I think of her (maybe when i'm missing her), I do not see her face but just 'that kind of feeling' .. well i am able to see her face if i think further ... but it's that feeling that comes first and strong .. but hardly her face first, almost none ... in fact i probably would only think of her face when i consciously want to !!

 

I'm the same person who author "time is short & a tough decision to make" and "URGent&Impt! What should I do - Reveal intentions OR let"

 

Recently, i have the urge to hold and kiss her if under circumstances, the mood goes too high and I can't possibly control nor take it anymore. Is this bad?

[amilasiu]

i read your previous posts and i am surprised that you -a man in his 30s- would be so in the dark about your emotions and the emotions of others.

 

what you feel is most likely a crush - (too short to call it love), it is common not to remember the face right away or to remember the feeling rather than person at this stage. Something to do with physiology or what not.

 

However, NEVER just kiss her out of a blue, she is about to get married, etc. would be a embarrassing and potentially professionally harmful situation, she would be, i assume, shocked as well. So hold it. This too shall pass.

[markii]

Think you are biased right from the first reply. Your comprehension probably went out of the way. I guess you are a lady. Cos another (icq pal) also got pissed off even at a earlier stage when I asked if I shld tell her I like her in a vague jokingly manner. It turned out to be ok as I expected, even for the 2nd occasion which i said i wished she was not married. Maybe i hv not provided enough info.

 

This is different from the previous women that I thought I could 'loved' but realised that I only like them or the reverse 'cos I was the one who stepped out quietly and avoided any further development that either or both way could happen. I could still remember their faces vaguely which one is more than 10 years ago. But for this, whenever I think about her, I thought of the feelings about what she have said and done but not the face during this process. Well, i do know there's some physical attraction, but it's that feeling that literally make my heart pumps. in fact, i feel better whenever i write abt it, but if i keep quiet, it pumps again.

 

She actually knows more or less that I understand much about her (values, characteristics). As vaguely mentioned, she actually went a bit high at times on some of things i understood her. Think a lot of colleagues around her heard what she exclaimed. I have to tell her to keep cool but in the process, she still lose control at times. She knew a bit of my 'secrets' as well. We have a bit of common past in fact - she were living in my area before, and happen to like some of the food as with me. Same for previous working location. She told me about her medical conditions. I would say both of us is working at a good friendship level which is apparent to most people. However as someone marrying soon, she had reservations and employed some discipline. That's why there's no dating, no lunch together in fact, no other thing.

 

The only thing is I found something odd about Him and Her at many times these recent 2 weeks. Her emotions with him seems to be odd which is revealing. These were different from weeks ago. Ai ya , i dont know. I'm confused. How could u let someone you like to carry on getting hurt if you see such indications. I know she's rather pleased n excited to get marry but not so much for how it has went in these 2 weeks. I hv seen indications that He uses charm to get away with things. I tot He might hv take her for granted at times. She wld avoid talking anyth betw Him to me. It's like I and Him are to be transparent, to be separate, to be mutually exclusive in her working n personal life.

 

I welcome your further reply. I really do n i look forward. Thks for your replies so far.

[amilasiu]

hmm, well, biasedness is my second name . and yes, being a woman and being an object of similar affection like yours, biasedness is bound to prevail.

 

My motto is that in any situation, love and war inclusive, 2 things must prevail: self-dignity and self-preservation. As I said, this situation seems somewhat out of a high-school or college years, so from a psychological point of view I am interested in how a mature man like you ended up in there. You need to evaluate your situation: where you stand in her hierarchy of things.

 

I think that in her perspective you are a good male friend - someone to chit chat and share secrets with. But that does not qualify you as an object of her love. Women are able to have v. good male friends, and be completely in love with somebody else. This might confuse some men, especially when they like these women romantically.

 

One of my colleagues had a crush on me: we were v.good friends, but he despised my boyfriend (thought he is not good enough for me) , and, although I indicated clearly that I was not interested, he still in his confused mind believed that we are soulmates, and this boyfriend of mine is my temporary insanity. He really thought that I would split in a few months, and come to him, and there will be love and all.

 

He believed that we were meant for each other but as months went by, I was pretty happy with my supposedly bastard of a boyfriend, he grew bitter, unhappy, and disillusioned. I am sorry to say, it did dent his dignity and was quite a heartbreak for him, but the fact is he should have known that if I would have been interested, I would date him, and not be with somebody else for more than a year.

 

I think crushes confuse your mind in a big way. You need to step back and reevaluate: yes, the husband-to-be may not treat her the way you would like, but she chose to marry him which is pretty much bottom line.

 

She may be aware of your feelings (to some extent at least, I am sure) but, as was in my case, I do not think she cares enough. If she loves the other man, despite their quarrels, I am sorry to say, you have no chance. Women's love is like that: they can flirt and smile, and share their deepest secrets, turn your heart into mush, and then turn around and go to the man they love leaving you confused and moping. (All of us women are a bit of a player). These situations are potentially very distructive, so self-preservation is the key.

 

Also, the fact that you do not remember her face but rather events and emotions surrounding her, might mean that you are in love not with the woman herself, but with the idea of the woman, sort of a vision of a woman you would desire, but not with the breathing, living organism. Maybe you are hooked on the feeling of being in love.

good luck, but remember, self-preservation goes first.

[markii]

Like to satisfy your curiosity regarding "interested in how a mature man like you ended up in there" ... but tin i'll pass that, at least for now, cos it might b lengthy .. too bz n tired ... but i had benefitted n learn fr some really gd advice fr 'my' astro 'master' ... anyway 4 you, basically n most imptly, tis e first time i could really c thru someone tat much in such a short time .. i dun even know tat much of my best friends after 6-12yrs ... today i risked tellin her someth deep abt her values system n feelings which i suddenly found out last night .. n it seems bingo (again) .. i dun know, i tot i 'saw' her pleasures, complains, frustrations, joy, values, life's outlook, etc. .. nvm, i actually had sms her my last mssg already by now ... n replied ... expression n intentions n action are all different .. some pple lived thru lives wo knowing what's happening, some knows much wo experiencing !! ... we cld talk more at a better time, my icq is 198709532.