The loss is signifigant

[rich_1517]

I am sad. I am in one month of a two month "deciding period" she left on little notice. 3 years together.

 

She has a kid, im 42, shes 30

 

I will not recap the details except to say, i have done no contact, she has called i have made a one week boundary of no contact to give myself time to heal, she was sending very mixed signals then backed of to say "im still deciding" thats the reason for my boundary.

 

I am really struggling with remorse right now, pain is less, loss is great, obsession is ok, i have some of my power back.

 

I would not accept some things about her, and as my life got harder (lost my business and have struggled financially, my dad has alzheimers) I became less fun.

 

I became more closed off to her and resented her, she isnt very good with nurturing or intimacy and she is also lazy about changing those things, actually she really doesnt care to.

 

but still i stayed. and i took for granted that she would be there even though i was clearly not happy, and i expressed it fairly often, still we had good times in there and there has been love and trust between us, most of all best friends.

 

but i cannot escape that i love her so, and that if given the choice, which i dont think i have i would deal with those things and move in. I found i was being uncommital and declined to move in twice. i know now i hurt her a lot.

 

i did not get real about finances and my failed business, i got desperate and tried to make it work, but stability would not come back. she had to deal with 2 years of my financial hardship while her salary went up. for mom i can see now that is a big thing.

 

i refused to address quitting smoking, her number one beef. and now with my strength returning I am reluctant to quit becuase it seems only for her, and sends a message of weakness.

 

 

So i wait while this "deciding period" comes and goes trying to stay real, i am treating it as over becuase its healthier and focusing on changing my life.

 

So i am in pain and once again at a loss for direction. ideas?

[Michael2]

Wow, what a doozy. This is the time of your life, where you feel as if everything is flipped on its side. We have been there, we have cried, we have felt resentment, we have experienced the loss and the sadness.

 

What you are dealing with is normal.

 

But please remember, that no matter how hard things are now, they can only get better.

 

Heal yourself, love yourself and the advice you wrote at the end of your post is something you shoudl really hold yourself to. The best thing is to let her go and allow her to experience time away from you.

 

WHat have learned after having my heart broken? Well , the most important thing I have learned is that you must love yourself, before you can truly love another. Think about that.

 

No matter how hard those of us try to get our loved one's back, it truly doesnt matter in the end. Why? Because it is up to them. WE can't control them, once this is realized you may be able to come to terms with your pain and sadness. Life is complicated at times, but its all meant to make us a stronger person.

 

Heal and enjoy life, try to remember why you are special and remember she fell in love with you , and if things dont work out with her, it definitely will with another. I promise! You are doing great.

 

In order for us to truly experience love, sometimes you have to experience heart break.

[Brneyegirll]

A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU..

1. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED OR IN A LONG RELATIONSHIP?

2. DO YOU LOVE THIS WOMAN?

 

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MAY WANT HER BACK BUT NOT SURE.

[spaceandtime]

Yeah. Look, work on yourself. Let the past go. Don't get hung up on wanting her back just because you don't have her.

 

Sounds like the relationship was wrong in the first place. Work on finding inner peace and see where you go from there.

 

Good luck