So I think im finally giving up...

[NoUse4AName]

My ex broke up with me about one and a half to two months ago and I think I am finally just letting go. Everyday passing by is easier and easier to the point now where I no longer desire to get her back. I did however have an interesting Thanksgiving that I would like to share. So a week after she broke up with me I drove 6 ours to see her and read her this two page letter. We dated the second half of Senior year and went off to different colleges 6 hours away. She cried to the letter and hugged me but eventually said she couldn't do this, she couldn't deal with the stress of this long distance relationship and it wasn't right for her right now. So I left and was more hurt then I was before.

 

Two weeks after of not talking to her, I IMed her and told her "This is crazy we should be together." and she said we will talk soon just wait until thanksgiving. So I waited three weeks until Thanksgiving and didn't talk to her at all. Everyday I was going through my head what I was going to say to her and I just didn't know. So Thanksgiving break came and everyone came home from college.

 

I have a weird situation. I have currently two best friends in my life. My best friend Matt who I have been best friends with for a long time. And then my best friend Maggie who i have been best friends with for less then a year. Last December I knew Maggie but wasn't really friends with her. She started dating Matt and she became one of my really good friends and currently one of my best friends. So after about a month of Matt and Maggie dating I met Amy, (my ex) through Maggie. Maggie and Amy were pretty much best friends as well. I then started dating Amy and It was awesome. My friend Matt broke up with Maggie a few months later and I was seriously so mad at him lol. I started to hang out with Maggie a lot more then Matt which was weird but then Matt and Maggie actually became really good friends.

 

Why you need to know that information is because of my weird/(maybe normal idk) Thanksgiving. The Wednesday night before Thanksgiving my parents went out to dinner (they were going to be out late) so I decided to have a bunch of people over just to hang out and drink. Maggie was there as well as Matt and a few other people. I decided to invite over Amy just to be nice (and maybe if she saw me she would realize that she wanted to be with me or something.) I invited her over and she came pretty quickly. We played a few games of BP and hung out for a little. It was a little awkward but not as awkward as I thought it was going to be. She said she had to get home kinda early because she was having some of her girl friends over for "girls night" So she left and gave me a hug and rubbed my back while giving me a hug. (Did she really need to do that? lol) Maggie left about a half hour later because she was going over to her house as well.

 

Thanksgiving night after the family thing and dinner I went over to my sisters friends house to just hang out and play some drinking games with my sister and her friends. I invited Matt and Maggie over but only Matt could come because Magz was a couple hours away for family stuff. I invited Amy over too but she said her mom wanted her to stay home because they had family in. I said "haha no problem have fun" and she replied with "Thanks you too. How was the rest of your night?" I said it was fun and asked about hers and she said "It was fun, Girls night lol."

 

So Friday was weird. Matt, Maggie and I had planned to go to the strip club after Maggie got off work because we have never been to one haha. About an hour before we were going to get Magz at work we she called me crying telling me that Fairbanks died. I was kind of friends with Fairbanks but wasn't good friends with him and only hung out with him a few times. Magz and Matt knew him better and they were both pretty sad. Amy texted me asking if I heard about Fairbanks because she kinda knew him as well and I said "Yea, Maggie called me crying." She said Magz called her too and that she was going to Maggies work to talk to her. I said we were headed there too. Maggie seemed fine and we all just talked and hung out for a while and Matt asked Amy if she wanted to go to the strip club with us but she had plans to hang out with her old coworkers. Later that night around like 12 or 1 I texted her saying I still wanted to talk to her either tomorrow (saturday) or over winter break and said winter break might be better. She replied "Christmas break sounds good. I cant really do tomorrow. Sorry babe."

 

So Saturday around 8:30 she texts me asking what I was doing tonight. * * * I was actually really surprised and kind of excited that she texted me asking me what I was doing tonight. I told her I wasn't sure and asked her what she was doing. She said she was with Natasha getting some coffee. (another friend of hers and Natasha is actually friends with my brother who is a grade younger then I am.) I told thats cool and to tell her I said hi. I didn't receive another text from her a half hour later and I was really confused. I wanted to text her asking if she wanted to hang out but I decided not to. About 40 minutes after her last text she told me she was picking up my brother to hang out with him and was wondering if I wanted to hang out. I said sure and they picked me up and we ended up going to some kids house to just hang out. We had a pretty fun time and I made her laugh a few times but nothing happened as neither of us motioned any actual interest in eachother. (even though I still did) She dropped us off and my brother was talking about how he wanted weed lol and was trying to call ppl for some while they were driving us back home. I got online when I got home and Amy IMed me which was weird because we haven't talked on AIM for a while, and asked if we found any weed. I said no but Mitch (my brother) was still looking for some and I said i didnt really care. She said "he would still be looking for some" and we laughed about it and talked for a little bit more before I said good night.

 

At that time I really missed her and wanted her. But now I feel differently. I feel like it is okay if we are not together. I will be fine with out her. I don't know what to make of our Thanksgiving break whether or not she was trying to find out if she still wanted to be with me or that she was just satisfied with being friends. I was thinking about again asking her back but to take it slowly when we talk over winter break but I don't think I am going to do that. If she would take me back then yes I would be with her but I don't feel like being shut down again. I don't feel like hearing "I can't do this, I just can't" I have no idea what I am going to say to her though when we do talk. Maybe I will tell her that I understand why she broke up with me and I accept it now and that I can't convince her to be with me, she has to know herself if she does and that I am no longer going to chase after her.

 

There is still a part of me that wonders if she would want to still be with me but I think if she did, or if she does then she will contact me. That's why I have to give up. It's not going to be so easy though as some of her friends are my friends and I will probably see her a lot. I don't know if I could be friends with her because I would always want her back.

 

What do I tell her? What does the Thanksgiving mean if anything? Maybe It's just time to completely move on and give up on her.

 

Thanks

[NoUse4AName]

no one? lol well that was a fun rant

[kadvati79]

How will you feel when she starts dating someone new? When you go out on the town as a group of friends, and you see her flirting/hooking up with another guy? How will you feel giving her advice on a new relationship? How would you feel attending her wedding to someone else?

 

If any of those are painful to think about, you are NOT ready to be friends. In all probabilities, those things could well all occur.

 

Words are cheap, action is for real. Her action was to break up with you, then she treated you as a friend. You were responding as if you were cool with "just friends", and so she's pushing forward with that. Nothing I can see indicates she wants to get back with (believe me, if that was the case... you'd know).

 

I think, maybe, its time that you stop making decisions about this and start focusing on yourself. Don't get caught up with hope or what may be - focus on what IS. Whatever happens will happen regardless of what you hope.

[NoUse4AName]

Your right, I don't think I am ready to be friends with her because it would hurt badly if I saw her with another guy. The only thing is, I don't think she wants to be in a relationship right now, I guess she is just satisfied with being friends and I am not which is why I can't be friends with her.

 

Thanks

[kadvati79]

I guess she is just satisfied with being friends and I am not which is why I can't be friends with her.

 

Thanks

 

Not yet... not yet. But who knows? Ultimately though, it's not the "who knows" that really matters... it's the "right now". And the right now is all about you. Rediscover yourself, and you'll discover the reason she fell for you in the first place.

[NoUse4AName]

Not yet... not yet. But who knows? Ultimately though, it's not the "who knows" that really matters... it's the "right now". And the right now is all about you. Rediscover yourself, and you'll discover the reason she fell for you in the first place.

 

Thanks man, some great advice.