When I was 7 years old, I attempted suicide

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I am wondering if this is common for this age group.

I didn't know much how to do it properly, which is why it failed.

I learned about suicide from church.

I remember having feelings of self-hate and shame, and loneliness.

 

I have attempted since then, but now I am more "stable".

 

Since I did this at such a young age, is it almost definitely genetic?

 

Just looking for some answers, thanks.

[Sn0man]

For you to attempt this at such a young age you obviously have familial issues which need to be dealt with, whether you realize it or not.

 

No, it is not a normal thing, nor a hereditary issue. It is also uncommon for an age group so young - the average is 13.

 

What is is that makes you behave this way?

[sarey]

I attempted at 9, I also attempted at 8, I put a doll house plate in my sandwhich and choked on it, then I tried to hang myself with my dressing gown rope. I started self harming at around 7.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

For you to attempt this at such a young age you obviously have familial issues which need to be dealt with, whether you realize it or not.

 

No, it is not a normal thing, nor a hereditary issue. It is also uncommon for an age group so young - the average is 13.

 

What is is that makes you behave this way?

 

Familial Issues - yes, but niether you nor I can change my past. As for dealing with them, I've told my parents, they didnt find suicide to be a big deal.

 

I only thought it was a hereditary issue because I didn't have very serious depression like I did when I was older.

 

"What is is that makes you behave this way?" - I just "knew" I didn't want to live. It's hard to explain. Memories from that age are pretty faded. Maybe I wanted to punish my parents or something, but I donno. I wans't really mad at them. In a way, I think I thought I deserved it.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I attempted at 9, I also attempted at 8, I put a doll house plate in my sandwhich and choked on it, then I tried to hang myself with my dressing gown rope. I started self harming at around 7.

 

I tried to drown myself (in the tub) and tied a rope around my neck. I fainted and layer woke up in the tub. Nobody saw me so nobody knew until I told them many years later.

[sarey]

My mother and sister both times came running, the rope incident - I was going different colours, they were both crying and my mother managed to rip it off, the choking - I ran into the lounge and struggled to breathe, my mum pushed at my stomach and after a long while(or what it seems), It managed to go down.

 

That same night, the rope one, I tried to jump out of my window.

 

For me, a lot was going on. I won't disclose but it was an awful lot for a child to cope with.

[Sn0man]

Familial Issues - yes, but niether you nor I can change my past. As for dealing with them, I've told my parents, they didnt find suicide to be a big deal.

 

I only thought it was a hereditary issue because I didn't have very serious depression like I did when I was older.

 

"What is is that makes you behave this way?" - I just "knew" I didn't want to live. It's hard to explain. Memories from that age are pretty faded. Maybe I wanted to punish my parents or something, but I donno. I wans't really mad at them. In a way, I think I thought I deserved it.

Thank you for responding to my own thread. As for yours;

 

No, there is nothing you can do to change your past - but facing it is the first and biggest step to getting over it. I had a bad, bad upbringing, so I know a little somthing about this. I have also dealt with clinical depression, and in dealing with something so serious, what I learned was that you need to accept yourself - and all your flaws - and own them. Put blame behind you and own your feelings.

 

Suicide IS a big deal. Even thinking about suicide is a big deal. It is a HUGE red flag, especially if you're on antidepressants as some antidepressants can exacerbate these feelings - see your doctor.

 

Punish your parents for something? I totally understand. 100% and then some. But you, like me, need to understand that your parents don't see the world the way you do. What you percieve as some horrible, neglectful behavior may be seen by your parent(s) as a normal (though often, dysfunctional, and they'll often accept that) upbringing.

 

They don't understand your pain - and they won't, unless you can tell them.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I can't tell them, I have tried a million times. Some people are just dysfunctional, like you said. Sometimes I think "If I would've really died, they would've thought it was a big deal". but you know what, maybe not. They would've blamed it on something else I'm sure. So I can't change that. that's what I mean when I can't change my familial problems. I've had so many talks with them. Alot of it ends up in them denying that my feelings are genuine. It's back to square one. I've decided not to give up on changing the things I have no control over.

 

I think I have accepted my flaws. I like myself more and more. I think as long as your alive, bad upbringing or not, you still have a chance at a nice life.

 

I wish I knew why I did it. Right now, can't sleep, keep thinking about it. I was so little. Wish I could hug my 7-year-old self. I feel sorry for her, not for my current self, but for my past self. It's a weird feeling to resolve.

 

Thank you for listening, btw.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

My mother and sister both times came running, the rope incident - I was going different colours, they were both crying and my mother managed to rip it off, the choking - I ran into the lounge and struggled to breathe, my mum pushed at my stomach and after a long while(or what it seems), It managed to go down.

 

That same night, the rope one, I tried to jump out of my window.

 

For me, a lot was going on. I won't disclose but it was an awful lot for a child to cope with.

 

What a horrible experience. I can only imagine what you were dealing with.

Sometimes the pain is too great. I'm glad you've overcome it until now.

[Sn0man]

While they may be able to deny your feelings (and by doing so they are protecting their own), your feelings and your perceptions of the root cause of those feeling remain the sole property of yourself - and thus you are in the power position to deal with those feelings. And as they deny your feelings they put themselves in the weak position of having to be defending their actions - who is stronger here?

 

I'm happy for you that you can accept yourself as you are - you're braver than most. That gives you a head start, now all you need to do is realize that you're stronger than your parents and are in a better position to deal with your issues than they are - this in tur gives you strength to get over these issues as you start to realize that you are stronger than them.