Can't Take Compliments/Admiration

[monkayy202]

Hey everyone. I have a problem that drives me crazy. I cannot take personal compliments and admiration. When someone gives me a compliment such as, "I like your hair," "I like your eyes," etc I get uncomfortable and make my response awkward every time! lol The other day my sister was telling me how much she loved me and all I could say was thanks and I really appreciate it. I really wanted to say I loved her back but for some reason I just cant do it and when I try it comes out all awkward and goofy sounding. What drives me crazy is that it comes out as if I didn't care or if I thought it was a joke. I want to get over this issue which is probably one of the reasons why I have never had a girlfriend before (21 years old) .

 

Thanks

[Tethys]

I was never comfortable with compliments either. I was very guilty of saying something to offset the compliment, which is the worse thing you can do!

 

For matters of family, yes, say "I love you too" and give them a big hug.

 

For people who are not related who compliment you, accept the compliment graciously and say, "Thank you." I had to learn to do that as compliments made me uncomfortable -- but simply saying "Thank you" with no commentary is the best thing to do.

[littlestar]

I am uncomfortable with compliments myself and when ppl close to me tell me they love/admire me i feel awkward returning the same to them.

I know i am like this from my upbringing.

[hey jo]

DUDE...I was exactly the same a couple of years ago. Like, when someone gives me a compliment, I couldn't say a simple thank you, but I get really shy and just smile and say nothing, or say something along the lines of "nah, not really, it's just that [insert stupid remark]."

 

I personally attribute it to a couple of things like I lived with people who were sarcastic and insensere. They would give compliments in front of my face, and then eventually I would find out that they were making a mickey of it. I mean, it's dumb and I don't know why people do that, but that somehow affected me in that I try to think whether it was a real compliment or it was a joke, so to be safe, I wouldn't take the complement seriously, even if some people really mean well. Also, I had low self-esteem. I knew I was a good person, i was smart, well-mannered, etc. but somehow I still did not feel deserving of those complements for some reason.

 

A good mate eventually realised how I felt when I was being given complements and so he told me to simply be gracious about it by saying "Thank You, I appreciate it", full stop. It really made me see what I was missing (and I was missing out on a lot). I really should me absorbing all those complements, not trying to repel them as if I don't deserve them. Sometimes I still get surprised about the complements I get, but it's all good. To me complements act as a reaffirmation of what I know, or should know about myself, and it also makes me discover some good things that I cannot see, that others can. Take it all in bro, make yourself feel good.

 

Funny you mentioned about your sister saying "I love you". Try saying that to your brother, or a male mate. I have gained so much confidence that now, I can even say "I love you" seriously to my male mates, and we're all sober and very straight at that! They had so much confidence in saying that I thought it was way awkward but really, It actually feels great to not hold back at times. Share the love.

[Whiskers]

I am unfortunately that way and will unlikely change, but in regards to relationships, I doubt you'll find it a problem.

You see, my little sister is always trying to hug me and I'm always telling her where to go. My mother gave up long ago and my dad and step snatch hugs when I'm not paying attention. My father says he loves me...the rest just show it.

They have long ago learned that I do not reciprocate hugs, kisses and what not and never have. They also know full well how I feel by other things I do...and I can't change it...I also don't want to because to do so would make me uncomfortable. As for the compliments, I agree with the other posters, it's easier to say "thankyou, I appreciate it" than insulting. I also have tried to offer some compliments of my own...which are surprisingly going well - and have surprised a few.

As for my relationships, well..I have never had a problem expressing any of it and for some reason it's different in that situation. You give back because you're being given so much. There is so much trust there and love that you can't face hurting them...and you're driven to touch, hug and kiss them.

If it helps, I know exactly how you feel.

XXXX

[Kinetics]

I personally attribute it to a couple of things like I lived with people who were sarcastic and insensere. They would give compliments in front of my face, and then eventually I would find out that they were making a mickey of it. I mean, it's dumb and I don't know why people do that, but that somehow affected me in that I try to think whether it was a real compliment or it was a joke, so to be safe, I wouldn't take the complement seriously, even if some people really mean well. Also, I had low self-esteem. I knew I was a good person, i was smart, well-mannered, etc. but somehow I still did not feel deserving of those complements for some reason.

 

Same with me. I still think that way at times, but for different reasons.

 

I just say "Thank you" and at least accept the compliment. But I just don't always take it at face value.

[Dating Coach]

Hey everyone. I have a problem that drives me crazy. I cannot take personal compliments and admiration.

 

This post sucks.

 

Is that better?

[hey jo]

This post sucks.

 

Is that better?

 

lawl. touche.

[hope of ray]

most of them are just to gain favors of one sort or other only very less people who r close to you does the genuine admiration.

[LW4E]

I have the same problem... for some reason personal complements are total confidence killers for me. I never understood why I complement people so much while never ever being able to take one.