Why am I upset?

[mr_ripley]

Well those who have read the previous instalments of my saga will no doubt know that have had some serious problems with my now ex GF.

 

Previous posts are available here:

link removed

link removed

 

To update, we contacted each other a few weeks back (she called me). She told me that she was going to meet her previous boyfriend who will be getting out of prison soon. She also stated that she didn't know if she even loved him but that she had to see him and in doing so would move on in one of two ways. I told her that I cared for her, and only wanted the best for her and her daughter. She told me that she didn't feel anything for me anymore and that we should cut contact. This is strange since up until last week she has been contacting me every day for no reason other than to talk to me. Also, we went out to dinner last Sunday and all the while she flirted with me, touched me and continuously told me how great I looked and how nice it was to see me. Yet still, she has buggered off to her ex, leaving me for good. I now realize that this is a good thing though for the following reasons.

 

1. There's a very good chance that the woman has some minor mental health issues.

2. She is rather boring in conversation. (She basically talks about herself constantly.)

3. In fact, I can't honestly remember us ever having a proper conversation.

4. She can't be trusted.

5. She is manipulative.

6. She can't have any children with me due to her age.

7. Our tastes in music, films and books are worlds apart. (She doesn't actually read much)

8. There's a distinct possibility that she is a compulsive liar.

9. I have a bad feeling in my gut whenever I'm with her.

10. We have absolutely zilch in common.

 

It's strange; I can't sleep, can't eat and have cried several times yesterday. Yet, I don't know why. This woman is simply not right for me. In fact, I doubt she's right for most of the normal sane men on the planet.

 

Now here's my question. Why the hell do I miss her? In fact, do I even miss her at all or do I simply miss the idea of her? Am I just lonely and pining after her for lack of anything better to do? Is this an ego thing (quite possibly)? Has anyone else experienced anything like this, where you miss someone who is simply not right for you.

[avman]

Well I have a simple answer for you. You love her.

 

Love isn't always rational. We don't just fall in love with people that are good for us. Its a shame that there isn't a direct connection between our brain and our heart so that they would agree on things before putting us through this. Your head knows full well that your ex isn't good for you. But your heart isn't paying any attention to that. Nice huh?

 

You'll have to simply admit - yes I love her. You probably always will. But along with that you have to add - but she's not right for me. Thats the situation you will learn to accept over time. Its not going to happen overnight. And you will still grieve over losing her. Thats all perfectly normal and ok.

 

Stay the course. It'll be ok.

 

avman

[raggamuffin]

My ex boyfriend would be good at answering this but he wont so I would do it on his behalf!! Ok when my ex of 3 years broke up with me he broke my heart and I was devestated...He cried and cried and cried and cried (you get the picture) even though he was no longer in love with me. For this he a few reasons.

 

1. He was feeling bad to be hurting me (this is obviously not valid in your case since she is doing the hurting)

2. He still loved me but wasnt IN love with me - these are two very different things

3. He knew he didnt want to be with me but wasnt sure if he was doing the right thing.

4. Basically he knew he was going to miss me like hell

5. He was totally confused.

 

Ok so pick a reason any reason it could be anything from the fact that dispite the fact that she is not the girl for you, you still love her and you are going to miss her like crazy or maybe you are relieved that it could be over and you just dont know what to do with yourself. As your emotions calm down you will realise why you were crying and how you feel about this girl. Just give it sometime and you will find the answer somewhere within yourself. Until then just sweat it out.

[The Morrigan]

I think it's also when you start to realize "real girl" and "potential/dream girl" aren't one and the same, there's grief in that. When you're with someone it's natural to have hopes and dreams for the relationship - and mental scenarios, even basic, in your mind - and sometimes just coming to terms with losing those, realizing she wasn't the kind of person who could really have fulfilled your hopes - is harder than moving past the person you now know her to be. It's not easy to come to terms with your image of who you thought she was being damaged by seeing the person you're seeing her to be now.

 

Your pride and self esteem takes a blow, your dreams take a direct hit, you've been hurt emotionally, and you're in the position of rebuilding now all at the same time - so it's normal to still feel a sense of loss and grief even if at this point, you don't want her as you see her.

[mr_ripley]

Many thnaks to all for the helpful posts and PM's.

 

I really don't know if I could honestly say I love this woman, although I may just be in denial.

 

It's a moot point now anyway. Today is the day that she picks her ex up from jail. No doubt they are currently in a hotel room somehwere. Good luck to them.

 

I turned off my mobile phone a couple of days ago and gave it to a friend to keep for me. I won't be asking for it back until I'm sure I can resist replying to any text messages or calls from her. Thats the thing, I know she will call. She is currently living a fantasy with a man who simply cannot change his ways. It won't take long before they both realize this. The first hint of trouble she will be on the phone to me. One things for sure, I won't be replying.