i was murdered.

[alixisaloser]

any advice will be valued, any comments, anything.

 

let me give you a little background historyyy..... i have been with the same guy since my freshman year of highschool, and i am now a senior. we were the happiest couple, and so in love. we broke up last year b4 christmas because we fought and things wernt doing well. i gave him space and he came back. he broke up with me about 3 months ago, and is now dating another girl. the girl is his bestfriend of about 4 years, and he says it is nothing serious. he told me last night he missed me, loved me and needed him so he could be happy. i told him i have changed, and was ready to have a maature relationship with him. he said he has heard that before, but would spend time with me and see what he wanted, the phone conversation lasted for about 2 hours, and he repeatedly told me he loved me and missed me, and that the girl he is dating ment nothing to him. we had sex about 3 weeks ago, while he was dating this girl, and he told me on the phone he wanted to have sex again, i told him i loved him and i would love to have sex with him, but only if he wanted to. i told him i wanted him to be happy. the conversation ended when he told me to come over after school the next day..i did. and he was concerned and angry when i came over because his gf heard that we had sex while they were dating.

 

everything he said the night before just seemed to disappear. he wasnt interested in me at all, i tried to kiss him and he said it wasnt right.

 

i asked him why the hell he told me all of those things when he didnt mean it. he said he cant help the way he feels, but he knows it wouldnt work.

 

 

i was at his house for about 3 hours waiting for a ride crying, feeling humiliated and stupid.

 

i have a choice to move 3 hours away with my parents or stay with a friend and remain in my current highschool.

 

he is aware of this and i told him i am moving because i cant stay in this town to give him his space and let him be happy.

 

i dont know what to do now.

 

more than anything i want to wait for their relationship to end, as he told me on the phone he didnt think it would last long, and be there when they break up...

 

i dont know what to do.

i am a mess...

 

 

advice please.

[barbielovesmac]

Oh sweetie, I feel for you, I really do.

 

I know how it feels to love someone so much that you'll do anything to be with them. That you'll allow yourself to hang by a thread.

 

He sounds confused. Which is typical for guys his age.

 

I wouldn't suggest that you move and start all over in a new high school during your senior year. You shouldn't let a guy chase you off like that. Sure, you want him to be happy and you want to give him space. But you know what? Your happiness and well being is more important.

 

You need to go NC. If he can't get it right then he needs to just let you go and you have to be strong enough to stay away.

 

As much as you want them to break up and have this girl no longer be in the picture...you have to think about it like this...

 

When they break up, what are you? Do you really wanna just be that girl he runs back to? Or do you wanna be that strong confident girl who tells him it's too late?

 

Truly, it's up to you. Like I said, I know how you feel. I know how hard it is. I've had to see the love of my life be with another girl. While I sat around, wishing, hoping and waiting for him to "realize" he wants me and not her. Instead, I should've been living my life. Because in the end...I'd always be his SECOND choice.

 

That's just how I see things...

 

My heart goes out to you.

[Rosee]

Well if the other girl really meant nothing to him he wouldn't be dating her and he would be with you.

He wanted to have his cake and eat it too & if his girlfriend hadn't found out about you guys he probably would have slept with you, but now she knows and and I'd say he's scared of losing her.

 

Hard as it is, I'd let him go. You probably can't imagine life without him right now but you're very young and there will be others.

[alixisaloser]

thank you so much. its just hard to accept he is with someone else. this has never happened before. he was always my bestfriend, always the one who was in love with me and i pushed him away (before we dated) this is so hard...barbie, did you and your love get back together? or did better come around?

[barbielovesmac]

Our stories sound so similar. While we were in the first stages of our breakup I was blaming myself. I made myself believe that I pushed him into her arms. They to were "friends" so seeing them together the DAY after our breakup was a bullet to the heart. I do believe that my insecurities pushed him away but my insecurities came from his actions. But whatever, the past is the past.

 

You are still so young. A senior in high school with so much life ahead of you. I know it's hard and he's probably your first love which makes it harder. But it does get better, you will see. It just takes time. It takes you being strong.

 

If he wanted to be with you then he'd be with you and not her. It's harsh, but it's true. Don't be second. Walk away. Don't let this ruin your last year of high school.

[alixisaloser]

so i just stop talking to him? ive tried nc but it never works. i always hear something that gets my hopes up and think that if i stay around he will want me again. but i am stronger this time. he didnt need to tell me to * * * * off, i got the message.

 

you dont think i should wait for him barbie?

[barbielovesmac]

What is it you want to do? Be the girl who just waits around for him to decide that he wants to be with you again? Or do you want to get a move on with your own life? Does that mean you go out and get a new boyfriend? Or even date? No. Surely no, especially if you aren't ready. It just means you go on with your life. You were you before him and you are STILL you after him. Life doesn't end, it goes on and you need to live it.

 

I know NC is hard. I made all the breakup mistakes. I wouldn't contact him. I would wait for him to contact me and when he did I jumped at a dime for him. It didn't really do anything but prove to HIM that he still had me wrapped around his finger. All it did was prove to him that no matter what he did or how bad he treated me that I would still be there. That did nothing for me but make me look weak in his eyes.

 

I know that you are weak right now but he doesn't need to know that. There is a phrase fake it til you make it.

 

But if you keep going around only when in conviences HIM then he will know that he's got you right where he wants you. Don't let him do that. Don't give him that power...

[caro33]

I know how incredibly hard this is to do, but honestly, you must realise that none of this is worthy of you. Don't you?

 

Read this again, and note the bits I have put in bold -

 

 

 

Imagine your best girlfriend telling you this story, and what you would think. It's all about him and his immediate needs. This ex of yours is just out for a good time, and he may well say what he thinks he needs to say to get it. Perhaps he means what he says sometimes, but in reality he is not once stopping to ask himself whether he is hurting you. And there you are, talking about doing what's best for him. Wanting to have sex with him, but only if he wants to? I'll bet he wants to, but that's not the same as being up for a decent relationship, as you then found out when his next wave of feelings overcame him.

 

Where do your needs factor into all of this? Where are the words that show he even remotely cares what you want, and that he's willing to be the right person for you?

 

I expect he is not a bad person, but he is acting like a lot of people act when they are young and just starting dating. But there will be boys who are not like this, so wouldn't it be better to wait for one of those to come along than keep getting hurt with this guy? And in the meantime, get happy with yourself, hang out with your friends, do your schoolwork - whatever it takes to get you to the point where you can honestly say to yourself and to people like this guy, "no thanks, I don't accept that kind of relationship prospect". Treat yourself with respect at all times and don't let these kind of relationships eat away at you.

 

You'll be fine, seriously. This might hurt for a little while - and so it should if it mattered to you - but you deserve someone who can take you seriously, and treat you with the respect and honour that you derserve.