I need a friend...

[crazyheart22]

The last few months Ive been really down. My boyfriend and I arent how we used to be. A year ago, he would surprise me with different things or plan dates and now, its like the spark is gone, we go weeks without hanging out and we just dont feel the need to be with eachother. He doesnt even try to put special time aside for me. He always want to hang out with a group of people or have a party, never just with me and if I want it to be just us two, I have to plan it. We still like eachother (i think) but the spark just isnt there anymore, but the thought of breaking up saddens me. I still like having him as my boyfriend its just different.

 

Also Im a senior in high school so Ive had to deal with college stuff lately. I got my ACT scores back today and it didnt go up at all and on top of that I got a letter from one of the colleges I applied to and I didnt get accepted.

 

With all of this happening, I dont have anyone that I can talk to. My mood changes every 10 minutues so I feel like trying to tell someone exactly how I feel will make them think I have serious issues with all my mood swings.

 

I used to tell my boyfriend about all these problems and emotions but I just dont think he cares much anymore and he is probably getting annoyed with all of my emotional problems. So again, i have no one to talk to.

 

 

If there is anyone out there who can help me and talk to me and just be my friend, I need it. I just dont have anyone. Please help me, i feel like there is nothing more I can do to help myself and what I've said so far is only the beginning of it all. But if you think you can help me, I could use it, just someone to talk to. Please.

 

 

 

 

When it rains, it pours.

[PsychGirly]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

 

Why do you feel like your boyfriend doesn't listen to you or understand what you're going through? Does he disrespect you, or acts like he's tired of you?

[crazyheart22]

We are just different people when it comes to emotions. He NEVER shares how he feels with me but I'm always crying to him about different stuff. Before I started dating him, I never shared my feelings with people but then I thought, hes my boyfriend, Im supposed to share things with him, but he doesnt share his feelings with me. I tend to take on the "sad, feel bad for me" attitude, but he always has the "thats life, suck it up" attitude so i feel almost scared to tell him how I feel. And I feel like I annoy him everytime i cry to him about something or why Im feeling sad

[redhearts]

If your not happy, leave him. You have your whole life ahead of ya, you said you think you guys like each other. Going weeks without seeing each other? You guys are friends. If your sad a lot, and cry a lot, then maybe he isn't good for you. Because you should be happy right now, its your senior year, if you had a great bf you be happier. So maybe you need to let this one go.

[crazyheart22]

I just cant break up yet. I still feel like we can do this. We have shared so much in the last year and there is so much attachment there. Just even thinking about breaking up makes my heart stop.

[redhearts]

The last few months Ive been really down. My boyfriend and I arent how we used to be. A year ago, he would surprise me with different things or plan dates and now, its like the spark is gone, we go weeks without hanging out and we just dont feel the need to be with eachother. He doesnt even try to put special time aside for me. He always want to hang out with a group of people or have a party, never just with me and if I want it to be just us two, I have to plan it. We still like eachother (i think) but the spark just isnt there anymore, but the thought of breaking up saddens me. I still like having him as my boyfriend its just different.

 

See those are some key signs, that regardless of all this, he may be the one thinking of a break up. He wants plenty of time apart, doesn't look like he is willing to work on this.

 

Why do you feel like you two can do this? Is there a reason?

[redhearts]

Let me ask, how many bfs have ya had? How many break ups have you initiated?

[PsychGirly]

You're never going to feel "ready" to break-up sweety. Break-ups are always hard.

 

You have to think what's best for you right now. Honestly, it doesn't seem like your boyfriend cares too much about you. I know that hurts, but you have to accept that. Just like he has the "thats life, suck it up" attitude, you need to do the same.

 

If he can't even be there for you when you need him the most, then what do you need him for? It seems like you're a great person & a good girlfriend, & you deserve so much better.

[crazyheart22]

We've overcome our ups and downs, we can get through this too. i dont think he wants a breakup, hes not even aware of how I feel right now. We've just been busy i think with school and hes in the process of getting a new job (which probably wont help the whole "not seeing eachother thing")

[crazyheart22]

He says that he wants me to tell him how Im feeling but I have so many problems dealing with myself each day that i dont want to annoy him with all of it and make him think im no fun and just a big sap.

[crazyheart22]

You know what Ive been thinking....

 

My bf never gets jealous about anything i do or say. but i always get jealous when he talks to certain girls (which is the cause for most of my emotional stress). Is there something I could do to get him jealous just to see how much he cares for me?

[JadedStar]

Reading your post i wonder if this is your b/f's changes, or your emotions are all over the map causing you to think the worst.

 

First off, it is a normal progression for the honeymoon stage to end. Most people do a great deal in the beginning as they are cementing the relationship and it is all new. That said, this doesn't mean sweet things stop, but it does mean that the ferventness of it slows down. This seems to be more true of men, as they tend to be more themselves once they are with a girl they like and they don't always see a need to continue to do a lot of 'extra' things. now this is not necessarily the RIGHT mindset, but very normal for many guys. Also, if the guy in question is very outgoing and gregarious he will probably begin to be more himself after the comfort level and the one on one's where it was all lovey dovey might lessen up a little and he wants to hang out with friends more. From the way it sounds, you are still included. When me and my SO had been together a while hanging out with groups of friends was mroe prevalent than it was during honemoon period because we felt comfortable with one another and wanted to socialize as a team.

 

What I would suggest for right now before making any bold moves to leave him is try to really examine this with an open mind to understand is this really about him, or is it about you and your emotions/ feelings being all accross the board and you feeling he doesn't love you as much just because he is more comfortable with you and the shiny newness has faded. Work on that and yourself first. Are you happy with yourself? When you are not with him, do you long to be with him or do you have activities for yourself that you are enjoying a great deal? If the answer to the first question is no, adn the answer to the second question is you are not happy when away from him, then i definitely suggest working on you first.

 

You say you don't think he cares when you talk about this. Can you explain why you feel that way? What does he say? How is he responding to you? Is it very negative, or is it just not the exact words you want to hear? Some women (and men) get very upset when they start projecting what they want to hear onto their lover and they get upset that person doesn't act the way they want them too. Remember he is a unique person with his own mind and he might not know exactly what you are feeling or why. If you are not communicating to him well, you will not get the type of responses that are meaningful or helpful. Do you address this in a defensive or accusatory manner? Are you saying things like "we never do things anymore"? and then complaining about it? If so, try to avoid the "we never" statemetns or the "you always" statements. Instead focus on you, and how you feel. Such as "we don't seem to be as close as we used to, it is making me feel that maybe you do not care about me as much, can we talk about this, as it is important to me"....

 

How you communicate this to him is as important or more important than how he is responding. We all sometimes make that mistake of being accusatory or whiney when we bring up relationship issues and put a lot of pressure on our partners and what happens is instead of making us feel affirmation we invoke their defenses and they get very irate and defensive in their replies. And the cycle continues because neither party are communicating in a manner that is at all effective.

 

Hope this helps.

[iDrew]

Hey! I was going through random forums...and I just had to register for this one to tell you that...

Well 1st I strongly think that you should talk to him about this. Be straight forward and just tell him what you are experiencing and how you feel. It will make you stop questioning yourself on the state of your relationship. Who cares if hes busy or has no time...you need to talk.

2nd Trying to make him jealous will just make everything worse and cause more issues I don't think you really want that.

[JadedStar]

You know what Ive been thinking....

 

My bf never gets jealous about anything i do or say. but i always get jealous when he talks to certain girls (which is the cause for most of my emotional stress). Is there something I could do to get him jealous just to see how much he cares for me?

 

That is surely not the way to go about it. Jealousy is NOT an indicator of how much a person loves you. The fact that you are saying this cements my thoughts i shared in my last post. Remember, not everyone has a jealous streak, and healthy people who love their SO's and trust them do not usually show a lot of jealous behavior. Some light jealousy is normal, but invoking it to satisfy your curiosity that he loves you is just plain wrong and unhealthy.

 

It sounds to me that you are just more insecure than he is. He probably thinks things are just fine. You are probably communicating with him about these issues from the mouth of a very insecure girl and i can tell you that this is a turn off to guys and it won't give you the attention and information you want out of him. It will, like i said in last post, invoke defensiveness and push him away.

 

I think you need to work on yourself and find things to do with yourself when you two are away that makes you feel happier. If you get mroe independent and loving of yourself he will notice and it will likely make your bonds stronger if there is in fact nothing truly wrong. You might be pushing him away crazyheart.