Our anniversary...

[saturnreturn]

Today would have been four years together. I'm feeling pretty emotional... but that's ok I guess. I know that I have to start looking forward instead of looking back. It just seems like there is so much to look back on. I vividly remember what this evening felt like four years ago. I can't help but wonder if he realizes what today is and have fought off the urge to send him a quick text to remind him all day.

It's been almost 6 months since we broke up. Six long, hard months where I have done more soul-searching than ever in my life. I know I am moving on and healing at my own pace and I am in a much better place then I was a few months ago. I still have bad days, but they are spaced out now... my life has changed.

Today, though, I just miss him. I miss the way he loved me completely and the way he taught me to let go and love him. I miss that wonderful connection that we had, like we were in a secret club with only two members. I miss seeing the world through his eyes and letting him see the world through mine. I miss having a physical connection with him. I miss his body and his soul, as complicated as his soul was. I miss being an "us". I miss making him laugh. I miss making plans with him. I miss our future. I miss my friend and lover.

I miss the person I was before my heart was broken...

The next big obstacle is Christmas. But I know I'll get through that one too.

[sooky]

i would really like to give you a hug. best wishes xxxx

[saturnreturn]

Thanks for the virtual hug.

[nelz]

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time, but glad you are gradually improving in general. I've been on a bit of a downer thinking of my ex, it sucks so much, but as you say, must look forward!

[coldplay.]

In two days ill be in the same boat as you my friend....

[saturnreturn]

In two days ill be in the same boat as you my friend....

 

You'll be ok. Just keep busy and let yourself be sad if you need to.

Isn't it crazy how many relationships start right around this time of year? Probably nesting before winter...

Take care.

[homeagain]

it's a tough day, saturn. it's really good to hear that along with all of the things you miss so much, that you have been able to look within yourself and soul search about the things you need. i certainly understand missing being a member of the "secret club for two" -- that is a nice way to think about the past. anniversaries and holidays are really tough markers. it's good that you are looking forward and talking about your pain.

[saturnreturn]

it's a tough day, saturn. it's really good to hear that along with all of the things you miss so much, that you have been able to look within yourself and soul search about the things you need. i certainly understand missing being a member of the "secret club for two" -- that is a nice way to think about the past. anniversaries and holidays are really tough markers. it's good that you are looking forward and talking about your pain.

 

Thanks for the kind words.

I've been trying to get on with my life these past weeks... and it actually feels nice to revisit the grief tonight. I still miss him so much.

How are you doing?

[walkingonwater]

Very touching post, for some reason made me extra sad perhaps because of the sad music playing in the background.. i have the extra delight in having our anniversary fall pretty much exactly on my birthday every year..

[Loup]

C'est toujours difficile d'oublier les gens qui se sont faufiller dans notre coeur... Sadly I know all too well the feeling. Although it was only two years in my case I still have problems not being down on special dates. Dreams are another big kicker for me... I have the most perfect dreams where everything is back to normal and it is all fine, then I wake up to reality Not a pleasant way to get up in the morning.