Does this mean that the no contact rule is working?

[jd21]

It's been almost 4 months since my ex broke up with me. We had been dating for 2 years and 8 months.We are both 20 years old and he basically wanted to be independent and single in college. At first I did the whole pleading and begging thing to get him back but it just seemed to push him away even more. He always said that he didn't know what would happen in the future between us but this is what he thinks is best right now. Well I have stuck to the no contact rule. I haven't initiated contact in about 2 months. It's been ahrd but it has helped me heal. Just recently he has started to contact me. Just in the last 2 weeks, he has contacted me about 4 times. The first time it was to tell me that he didn't have a girlfriend. We have mutual friends and they had seen him with a girl so he wanted to make sure I knew it was nothing. That time we talked he told me that he loves me so much and that no matter what happens between us in the future, he will always care about me more than anything. The second time was to wish me a happy birthday and the last two times was just to say hi and see how I was doing. We talked about school and how our families are doing. He ended the conversation last night telling me I could im him sometime, otherwise he'll talk to me soon. The thing is is that I was actually starting to feel better but every time I talk to him I miss him so much and all of my feelings for him come back. Also, there is this guy who I have been talking to and I actually like him. I don't know if anything will happen between us, I'd like to take it slow since I know I am not over my ex. If my ex did want to get back together, it would take work and a lot of talking but I love him so much that I would do it. Do you think that he is having second thoughts? Or is he just contacting me to stay friendly? I'm afraid that if I tell him not to contact me so I can move on, especially with the new guy, then I'm afraid he won't contact me again. Should I just be honest with him and ask him his intentions or will that scare him away? I am so confused, any advice would be so great. Thank you in advance.

[jamman]

It is hard to maintain feelings isn't it? let alone figure anyone elses out. I would wait until he calls again and ask him to be honest with how he is feeling and what "kind" of contact he is trying to make with you and what his intentions are. Chances are he's confused as well so your answers may not come easy or even be in total reality, and opening up could lead you both into undefined territory, but that is the risk. The good thing is this may lead you both to a complete mutual understanding and you may both be able to lay out guidelines for contact or not depending on each others difficulty with the situation. Be honest and ask him to give you that honesty as well. If you are both unsure of your feelings then I would suggest no contact for some mor time. Until he calls check out my post Help Is Within You, posted in the healing after a breakup forum. There is a great technique that may give you some real peace and help.

 

Let the music sing through you!!!

Jamman

[creid]

Best to heal fully before trying it again. Don't let him beat around the bush ask him straight up "why are you really calling?". Don't let him play with your heart. Good Luck

[neallo82288]

jd,

 

Look over this post and pay especial attention to stage two. Your answers lies there.

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105

 

Read it and follow the stage two directions and you will know what to do.

 

 

Neallo