Jump to content

We shouldn't even be broken up

Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

Recommended Posts

I don't know what to do here. It's an impossible situation as far as I can tell. The girl I've been dating for a few months broke up with me yesterday. And not because we had any sort of argument or disagreement. In fact we're perfect for each other. She had to do it because her grandparents would not approve of her dating someone who is half black.


And her grandparents would cut off contact with her and her parents if they found out. They did it already with her uncle who is dating someone 15 years older. They're incredibly racist and stuck in their ways. So there was pressure from her family to break it off, to save the family. My presense would apparently rip the family apart, and she couldn't justify doing that because of everything else they've done for her.


So we broke up. And then she told me that she loved me. And hopefully in a few years, the situation might be different, she''l be financially secure and we could do it anyway. But until then we need to see if we can find other people.


But because we love each other, she wanted to make sure we can still be friends, and that we see each other at least once a week. We're incredibly like-minded and I couldn't just stop seeing her. And we realize that that could be a problem. We love each other but can't be together in a relationship yet. But we can't stop seeing each other because we love each other. And when we do see each other it has to be platonic for the foreseeable future. I'm going over her house Sunday to practice the guitar....


It's not a regular breakup where either of us did anything wrong. We just can't be together because her family sucks.


So, it's been rough. Because we both feel like we should be together.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's very, very tough. : ( Unfortunately, it happens. The problem is... as much as we would love to conceive of relationships as involving solely us and the other person, family will inevitably get into the mix. Some people choose to disobey their family entirely; others decide it isn't worth it. I think your girlfriend didn't want to carry on with you longer, because if you both continued to develop feelings for one another it would be harder to deal with if her family simply could NOT get over their ignorance.


It seems like you already know this... but, best of luck to you two... I hope you can get her parents to understand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that if you guys just try to keep it platonic then you guys will just be making each other suffer because each moment that you spend together, you'll be thinking about how much you love each other and how sad it is that you can't be together. I think it would be much easier for you two if you just broke it off completely. That way you wouldn't be slowly suffering and instead you could make a clean break.


By the way, I'm kind of in a similar situation, but I chose to handle it much differently than your girlfriend. My parents don't like my boyfriend. It's not because of his race, but they just think that I could do better. My parents have told me numerous times that I should break up with him. I love him and I see us getting married one say soon. Since I love him so much I stood up to my parents and told them that it was my life and I had the right to be happy with whoever I chose. After I told my parents how I felt, they realized that I was in love, that I'd probably marry him, and that there was nothining they could do about it. Then they stopped trying to get me to break up with him and they started to accept him.


I think that if you don't want to make a clean break with your ex, then she needs to stand up to her grandparents and tell them how she feels about you. She should say that if they really loved her, then they should want to see her happy and who are they to take away her happiness.


Well, good luck with everything

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On one hand it might be better to break it off like you said. But on the other hand, the reason why we love each other is because we have so much in common. I've known her for 4 months or so and I already have more in common with her than my male friends that I've known for years.

I can't just completely sever that relationship. She's literally the smartest person I know, and we can motivate each other to do the things we need to do. I don't know anyone else like that. It'd be worth the suffering, just to have someone that supports me in that way.


I'd love to get her to try and convince her family that we're going to be together and that's that. But her grandparents are so blindly racist, it won't matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...