what did you do when you saw the ex???

[radio_head]

well... first off I never ever thought I would write to a board.Reading it has been a daily thing for me over the last few months. But as time goes on I'm seeing so many people getting help - so I thought I'd give it a go!

I really want to keep this short but its so difficult. I'll try not to babble!

 

This emotional roller coaster all started 2 years ago. I met my ex at a gig totally unexpected we just bumped into each other and started speaking. He was a very self conscious person had no confidence and couldn't even order a drink at the bar. He had a severe case of acne, 6ft 3, 2 stone under weight and very curly hair, wore parkers so high that it covered his face and I worked at the local hooters. We got to know each other over the next few weeks and I fell in love with the most beautiful man I have ever seen I looked straight through the acne and all his insecurities because his smile made me melt and his eyes gave me funny feelings in my stomach. We were an odd couple but he made me so happy, people used to stop us in the street and comment how crazy I was to be with someone that looked like him - so I would kiss him and tell him how amazing he was in front of these small minded losers.

so.. everything was perfect we loved each other so much I constantly told him how great he was and over time he started to believe it. (now thinking back he thought I was so confident and out going that he didn't need to compliment me. I started to lose my self esteem slowly). I wanted him to feel great about himself, I wanted him to see what I did. So we went to a dermatologist and got a very strong drug called roaccutane. Anyone who has had an experience with roaccutane will know that it dries all your skin and causes very bad side effects (you're also not aloud in the sun) I stood by him through this, went to the Lake district for the hottest week of last summer (I am a sun worshipper and stayed in the shade with him for the whole week).. I didn't mind I loved him. So after the 20 week course and spot free his confidence started to build and slowly but surely he started neglecting me?! but me being me just thought he was enjoying his new found confidence, he was going out a lot more with his friends and without me I started to get quite possessive at this point and questioned him over silly things. I hated myself for ruining things.

So one lovely night in, I straightened my hair for a meal that we were attending and asked him if he wanted me to try it on his hair. WHAT A MISTAKE THAT WAS!!! this may sound so so so silly to you lot but honestly this is the way it was. He loved his new straight hair it was everything he wanted. The next morning he was a changed man. His confidence was border line arrogant! I couldn't believe what was happening! over the next few months he started to dump me on a regular basis saying I was getting to 'intense' I begged each time for a 2nd chance.

Then New years day our 2 year anniversary he finished me for good. I begged but it wasn't getting me anywhere I tried everything - its strange what people do in desperation. He told me he wanted to do things this year that I just wasn't happy about. (going away for 2 weeks with the lads) so that was that. Jesus the no contact thing has been like I can imagine coming off heroine. I miss him like mad. Did I turn him into this monster? Why on earth was I good enough for an ego boost but not good enough for a partner that could last forever? its been 3 weeks and 4 days since the begging day and last point of contact. cried every day since.

 

That is my story. here is where I need to pick your experienced brains...

He is at uni at the moment but I know he will be back on the weekend to see his stupid friends (that he basically dumped me for) now, there is only one club that we both go to due to our music taste. he will be there.

Now, I want to go there and show him I am fine etc.. (even though I'm not!) when I go through my 'I hate him,how dare he!' days I'd love to flirt around him. Am I walking on dangerous ground? how would you react? what has been your reactions to seeing the ex for the first time? how do recommend going about this? what do you say if they speak to you? I just feel I gave him all his stupid confidence he used it against me to dump me! I made the silly mistake of leaving a lot of my friends to spend time with him and only have a few left. they say some women won't see what I did in him and he'll be shocked he won't be able to pull someone like me?.

I don't know.

ANYTHING WOULD HELP! if you got through this post I thank you.

 

Thank you x

[MollyElise]

I know you want to see him, but I do not think you should go to the club to "run" into him.

 

If you did run into him, there would probably be alcohol involved, which is going to make things much more difficult, if not impossible. All of his friends would be their, causing him to choose between hanging with them or talking to you, and you know what his choice will be.

 

Also if you desire to rekindle a relationship with him, it is best to keep to the no contact rule.

 

Good Luck, and remember you are not alone!

[creid]

Girl I think you should strut yourself. If he happens to be at that club oh well you so many other potentials who are going to be there also. Let him see you having fun(now not a in a slut way) and that you are totally independent. If he happens to be the "wow you look great" reply back "yeah you too", don't pull him in a corner and confess your dying love to him. Guys always WANT what they DON'T have, remember that. If he's like let's get back together...don't he's got to earn you back. Play hard to get and keep staying beautiful and fun and that boy won't have a chance you even might find somebody else during this time. Remember no body wants to buy the cookie jar when you're giving the cookies away for free. He has to earn you back...if you even still want him by the time Good Luck girl strut your stuff!!

[kuhl282000]

Hey Girl

 

You do not want to see your ex out having fun when your still healing. It would kill you inside. Especially if they are with someone else. When i broke up with one girl I was dating. I avoided every place I knew she went. Just so I did not run into her. And if I had run into her at a club, I was prepared to get up and walk right out. Now that time has passed I go back to all my same places and we run into each other all the time, and it does not bother me at all, because time has passed. As a matter of fact we are kind of like phoney friends (we used to be lovers) but it is not the same now. And the funny thing is she wants to start seeing me again. But I'm not interested.It is sad and funny how it works. Stay away from the ex for now. It would only keep the wound from healing. Why throw salt on it when you need to keep the Band-Aid on so you can heal .

 

Hang Tough....it does get better in time.......

 

Kuhl

[Miche]

Hey girl. I sorta agree with all the replies. I think you should try and avoid him for a while and then after you feel that you can handle seeing him again, act like you are still happy without him. Make sure you look like a hottie and just enjoy yourself, if you see him at the club. If he wants you back, don't entirely push him away, but don't seem like you've been missing him so much and then pour out your heart to him again. Play hard to get. Explore other options, and get a life, or at least act like you have one. If it's not meant to be, then I'm sure you'll find someone who'll appreciate and love you for you. But the key is to let the guy pursue you. Let them be the hunters. Men generally don't like women who are easy, needy or desperate. They usually like a confident and independent woman, but not to the point where they're like men bashers or anything. Balance out your life. Don't focus all your attention on this one person. if he wants you, he will come and get you. If not, then you'll know.

 

Take care girl. Be smart!!!!

 

ALL THE BEST!!!!

[radio_head]

well... I'd like to thank everyone that has replied! thank you for taking the time to read my overly long message - I'm quite getting into this message board malarkey!

 

I'm still in 2 minds! One of my colleagues said to me 'jealousy is the best and only revenge' would you agree with this statement? I definitely don't want to get back with him I couldn't bare to lose him again. Unfortunately I only have one heart! to get it broken by the same guy again surely isn't wise? I'm a sucker for believing in true love. True love that lasts forever ON BOTH ACCOUNTS not just mine. I'm am so not healed yet but I'd love for him to think 's**t why did I leave her' that would be my aim of the night. But on the other hand plans never seem to work out that way and end up back firing.

I am so proud of myself for not contacting him its so hard. I love him so much but really hate him for doing this to me , I have read so many self help books I feel as though I could write one myself!

 

What did you do the first time you saw your ex?

One of my male friends ended up hitting his ex's new 'fling'. Are these the emotions that you feel? anger?

 

Thank you again I really appreciate it.

[creid]

It's hard to see your ex for the first time after the breakup. You gotta keep your head on your shoulders. When I saw my ex after we broke up he was laughing with all his friends and kinda looked at me from time to time when we were all hanging out (be thankful his friends are not your friends). Sadly enough he may even ignore you, but don't let that put you down. You can have fun even if you're around him and he doesn't talk to you (if feels like the fun is sucked out of you). The best way to get under his skin is to show him you are FINE without him. The thing is you will be who wants to love and not be loved in return? I'm not trying to say 'make him jealous' you don't have to seem like you are getting with every guy I mean show him you are independent. Be beautiful, be funny, even be sexy, don't let him control how you are feeling when you see him.

Good Luck