Ran into the ex at a conference

[grieving]

Hi,

 

Allright. I ran into my ex at a conference this past weekend.

 

I'd known he was going to be there (he's the one that told me about the conference in the first place) and I had emailed him the day before asking him which seminars he was going to be at so I would be able to avoid him.

 

We had also spoken on the phone a few days earlier and it was really painful for both of us. This is why I didn't want to see him and I thought he would agree.

 

Anyway, he wrote back saying we didn't need to resort to avoidance tactics and he didn't feel it was necessary to plan to avoid each other.

 

So of course, I saw him walk into the lecture I was at a few minutes late. I left the lecture early so I wouldn't have to run into him.

 

Then I felt bad for avoiding him and I felt immature and so I called him to say sorry for running out without saying hello.

 

He was cold, brusque and sounded a little exasperated that I was calling. He said it wasn't just me. He said it was him too. He said he was on eggshells all day worried that he would run into me.

 

Then he said have a nice weekend and we hung up.

 

And he's the one who broke up with me and has been really into trying to sustain a friendship with me. I'm still not over him, but I value his friendship so I'm trying to the best of my ability to be a friend and to maintain boundaries. I limit the things I talk about with him and try to keep things fairly superficial until we can transition into a truly close friendship.

 

And then he turns around and treats me like I'm some stalking freak?

 

What is his deal?

 

Did I do anything wrong that would cause him to act like such a jerk on the phone?

 

Grrr.

 

Grieving

[neallo82288]

The only thing you did wrong was initiate contact. You were right to avoid him, because all contact will bring you basck to stage one in the healing process. The no contact rule is there for a reason and every time you talk to him you just hurt. You cannot be his friedn until you get over him and only want to be friends with him. the hardest friendship to maintain in the world is one that is with an ex. Just keep trying to avoid him and one day you will feel it is time to see if your friendship can happen.