What is going on in his head?!

[funnyhahaha]

Hey ho everyone. I'm a brand spankin' new member. A quick situation to run by y'all..

 

Quick rundown, I'll make it bite-sized so as not to bore too much:

Met a guy through mutual friends. Dated 10 months, exquisitely happy and positive relationship in many ways. We were compatible in many ways; interests, level of atttraction and affection.. Our mutual friend even admitted to me my ex was worried that he may never find someone as compatible and that I was the closest to his finding true love. MMy ex even said he has never felt more loved and cared for by anyone he has dated. It made me feel good to hear.Well, I loved him too and have the same (of course we all do) concerns.

Right before Christmas he was telling me he had been thinking about marrying me for (he is 33) a while and he wanted to see if I ever would be open to having kids, etc. He brought it up first. Then he started telling his friends he was really thinking about it as well. And he was hinting that my Christmas gift was going to take a bit longer for him to find the right 'product'. Whatever. I was DUMB and when I got fired from my company(boss hated me; I have never been canned so it was an ego blow.) I freaked and didn't tell him. I didn't want him to think I was lame, basically. I kind of waited a week to decide the right time to drop the lovely news and for some reason avoided it b/c I didn't want him to see me nagatively, like oh, 'this is my lovely future wife maybe and she got canned! How lovely'. Sooooo when he did find out (before I told him) of course he was pissed. And then he was angry he felt it was 'actively' lying. Um..noooo. I was stupidly assuming how he'd view me. Even though in the past he has been sweet and sympathetic, I dunno why I felt this way. Whoops did I promise this would be short?!

He was angry and felt like if I could not be upfront about this how could he count on me in the future at all? He took a day to think. Emailed me later to arrange a time to meet and talk that night, said at the end of it 'I love you.' I met him, we talked, he said'I just don't think we have the same values...and I can't have that.' Ouch. So we broke up. I didn't say anything, it wouldn't have changed the outcome. I have been really upset/drained; trying to stay busy. And had not heard word one from the ex. That was a little over a month ago; I did call nyeve (not drunk! during the day to get his vm..) and left a genuine' hey- have a good new year. 'No response Well I met a nice guy and casually hanging out the last 2 weeks. No involvement other than casual daytime dates- I told him I am not ready and am not. He is cool, makes me feel good about myself (I know it comes from within but an occasional compliment is fun) and all that good stuff. I mistakenly told a friend (who is also equally good friends w/my ex) I had started seeing someone casually. I always ask him to keep stuff confidential but sometimes wonder what with men having their own 'code' sometimes.. Fastforward to last week. I was walking hand in hand down the street with my new buddy, we were just joking about something. Then I hear a 'Hey! HEY! And someone yelling my name. I turned to see my ex accross the street waving wildly and grinning, yelling out' How are you?' I kind of waved, said fine, and kept walking. The guy I was with figured out who it was but.. It is no fun to live in the same neighborhood as your ex..yes yes.. I was confused as to why he went so out of his way to say hi to me when he saw me 4 feet away outside a store a week earlier when I was alone- and ignored me. Now here he is with people around, traffic whizzing by and asking how I was. I was kind of sad when I saw him- he dumped me but I dodn't think it was great for him to see me holding hands with someone especially since it hasn't been so long. But then agaian..um, he dumped me. It still felt weird. Then I got angry 'cuz it seemed totally passive aggresive- he was trying to make me feel uneasy. Only did all that b/c I was with someone. I emailed him how odd and confusing that behavior was, he emailed 'sorry it felt that way. not my intent'. Ugh. I have decided to not be in touch with our mutual friend really for a while- until I heal (I do ask him to never bring up my ex and he complies) and so my ex has no info about me at all.

Question here is after such an intense relationship and serious talking (his part) on marriage etc (which I was happy about) we break up and no contact? It hurts. I feel like it was almost a mirage. And I know for a fact that there was no other woman he was seeing - he is old fashioned and our mutual friend DID confirm that at least. I miss him but am realizing I have to let it go. I have never done the angry drink and dial, left any messages email or otherwise (only the happy new year and the what-was-that-weird- moment-on-the-street query) as I have heard it is bad to contact someone when it is clear they want none. I am sad because I feel like I will never hear from him again. I have never come so close to finding the perfect person for me before: this seems too surreal and sad. Do exes ever call eventually? I am having a hard time reading what is going on in his head. Am I behaving in the right way at least?

PS- when this went to 'press', I have decided to just stay friends with this new guy. It is too soon to date again, besides my heart isn't in it. I DID let our mutual friend as he called me(I need called ID) and well, I hope my ex doesn't get satisfaction realizing I am handling the breakup not so well

 

 

 

 

[CrazyKarl13]

doesnt look bite sized to me lol

[raggamuffin]

Ok. I dont think exes ever do call eventually if they dont want to. Its quite strange that he wanted to break up about something so trivial. It makes me think that there was more to the break up than you have realised or figured out. If you want to be friends with him why dont you just try and be friends with him. If he is the love of your life and you want to be with him for the rest of your lfie dont let him go so easily. He may reject you again but at least you will know you did everything you could to try and make it work. I know that I dont let go of love lightly or easily especially if he could be the one. I would maybe call him every now and again and tell him you want to be friends. I hope everything turns out ok. Pm me if you want any other advice. Good luck. R

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Sorry for the break up, I went through one myself and we were also talking about marrige. So I know the pain you are going through. We were also dating for about the same length of time. I also felt we were pretty close. Come to find out we were not that close at all. Things change at a moments notice and that can be pretty sad. The healing takes awhile. Mine

is going on three months now. I'm feeling much better I proud to say, with alot of help from some very wise and kind people here on the site. And YES they do call. But no one has a crystal ball. So i would not get my hopes up. I have found when they do can, it just is not the same as it was before. When it comes to words said in the name of LOVE, we sometimes over rate the people we care so much about. We just want them to say the right words and make everything better. And when they don't come we get sad and depressed. Stay busy, get out, don't mope around. Talk to your friends, come here, and eat right and get your rest. With 50 Zillion people on the planet I'm sure you will find love again. Take things very slow and heal.

 

Warm Regards

Kuhl

[hopeful1]

Hi... You gave me a great and well written fun to read answer to my broken hearted plea so I wanted to get to know what happened to you.

 

Have you heard anymore from him? Are you still doing no contact??? Have you seen him again? Sure seems that he was jealous when he saw you with the other guy.

 

 

How are you doing? You sound as if you are healing pretty fast. Faster than me. I am going on major ups and downs. This site helps so much when I feel like contacting him.

 

Thank you again. Oh, and you should be a writer. If you aren't already.

[girlie]

Dear ...,

 

I'm feel sorry for your ex-, 'cause he can't accept that human beings are just that: HUMANS (a.k.a: imperfect, born to make mistakes!).

 

Maybe the not "having the same values" argument was brought up by him to sneak away from comittment. Is he the emotional type? 'Cause if he is, it could've been that he touched the marriage topic on a situation where he was feeling comfortable with you (and himself), but when he came to confronting the said part with the "follow through" part, he got blocked. So you're "lie" came just as the perfect excuze for him.

 

Anyhows, so or so, he's manipulative, self - centered and thereforeeee not a good marriage material. From my point of view, the right outcome of the lie- situation (about you loosing your job) would've been: 1.) Him pissed; 2.) UNDERSTANDING, after all you were feeling bad enough yourself about the whole situation, how about him giving you his support instead of judging you; 3.) Ideally, after discussing the "no - lie policy" for the sake of your relationship, he would've given you a second chance!

 

His reaction on the street the other day just mirrors how spoiled and childish he is. After all, he was the one who broke up with you; so he has NO right to critize you for whom you date or meet. YOU ARE FREE to do whatever you want.

 

Be happy that you're not together with him anymore. If he is someone so proud, who can't accept that people make mistakes, imagine how it would've been if you 2 would've gotten married and more serious problems would've emerged?

 

Take it easy, move on with your life, go out, meet new people and don't let anyone mess with your feelings again.