Finding forgiveness helps in possibly bringing them back?

[luckystar]

Yes, much damage has been done, and it is up to you to open your heart back up. The first step is to find forgiveness, both for yourself and for those you feel have wronged you.

 

First you need to accept the fact that your present situation is not a happy one for either of you. The truth is, though, that if there is to be any effort to change the situation, you - and you alone - must make it. Don't expect to be immediately rewarded or acknowledged for these efforts. A lot of damage has been done and it cannot be reversed over night!

 

We sometimes get tunnel vision when it comes to our pain. Our focus narrows as we zero in on the damage other's have done to us, but are often blind to how much impact we have on our lives and how much impact we have on others. We, as prideful, egotistical humans, often tend to idealize ourselves. Again, throw away your pride and see through honest humiliation just how much damage you have impacted on yourself and on others.

 

Remember, too, that you are only human - and humans are imperfect. You make mistakes and errors in judgment. You are blind to yourself, claiming immunity to your own role in your life's troubles. We, as humans, deny are self-centerness, so it takes a huge dose of self-humility to acknowledge that we are not totally without blame. The easiest thing in the world for us to do is to point a finger in the direction of another. We truly believe that they are responsible for our happiness, our misery, our futures, our past, our present. Oh, gee! Not so, we - and we alone - are responsible for almost every situation we have ever been in, the exception to that rule is being that of a victim.

 

Naturally you may feel some anger, or hurt, but finding forgiveness for both yourself, and the other, eliminates the natural impulse to carry a grudge. Realize that everyone's personal motive is to create happiness in their own life, not to create pain in yours.

 

Understand that forgiveness is for your sake. Holding on to resentments, or grudges, is only working against you. It keeps you living just outside of peace. Resentments and grudges are by-products of pride and ego. We feel like we are saying we are unworthy of respect if we let go of resentments and grudges - we may also feel that if we hold another in contempt we are actually exercising power over them. Untrue! When we let go of resentments and grudges we are actually saying, 'I am a bigger person than you'. This is the moment when you are now free to live more peacefully, free of the negativity that keeps us prisoners to our pain.

 

Remember, you will feel better, and be a better person, by forgiving your mate for the pain you think they may have caused you. Brutal, hard facts are a bitch, and the brutal, hard facts are that they didn't cause your pain. You, by allowing yourself to be effected in a negative manner, created your own pain. You may feel like you are losing your dignity if you accept bad treatment of you, but I'm not telling you to accept bad treatment - I'm telling you to forgive them for being human. And, isn't saving your relationship worth 'losing face'?" Remember: do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

 

Regardless of whether your Lost Mate immediately responds to your efforts, or changes their direction, or not - is irrelevant. It is still up to you to keep on willing love, acceptance, and good wishes toward them. Rarely will your efforts be rewarded immediately. Your relationship didn't crumble immediately, nor should you expect to rectify it immediately.

 

Remember, you don't have to say it was 'okay' for someone to wrong you, you just need to find forgiveness in your heart for them being human.

[luckystar]

What exactly is "letting go"? It's giving up trying to control something we have absolutely no control over. It's understanding and trusting that we will be okay no matter what. And it's recognizing that we 'control' because we fear what might happen to us if we lose something...we fear being alone, unloved, or not worthy...we fear starting over again, the unknown, the financial burden of a single income....we fear failing or losing.

 

LETTING GO OF CONTROL

You need to learn to let go of the fear of being out of control, the fear of looking bad, the fear of not being accepted, or perhaps the fear of not being loved. You need to try to overcome the fear of whatever losses you think you will suffer. Will you really be unlovable if you breakup? No! Will you be rejected? Get real now, how can you be rejected if you don't put your entire value and worth as a human being in someone else's hands?

 

Focus on letting go of control by focusing on letting go of the fears you may face during a particular event, rather than the event itself. If you feel an impending breakup and you resist it, or try to control its outcome, you are probably only making matters worse. The more you resist and fight, the more the object of your love will pull away. However, by realizing what you are really resisting are the actual implications, feelings and emotions associated with a breakup, and not the breakup itself; by trying to understand why your Angel fears these things; and then by accepting that you will be okay no matter what–you give up the resistance and let go..and this might just save this valued relationship of yours! And by accepting the fact that, even if you don't approve, a breakup may happen anyway, you gain an inner peace and stop the internal fight. This, in turn, makes the other person feel safe with you. You are now in a position to stop your breakup by reuniting your Lost Mate's trust, faith, and passion.

 

The more you let go of someone the more they

feel safe and comfortable around you.

 

By concentrating your efforts on changing your resistance, and accepting your fears, and trusting that you will be okay no matter what..instead of focusing all your energy on fighting the change and the situation, you gain back control of your emotions and feel an inner peace that allows you to let go.

 

When you let go of a situation, or an event, you actually gain power over it! For instance, if another driver cuts you off in heavy traffic, and you react by shouting obscenities–or responding to his action in some other way, shape, or form–you are actually giving power and control over to the other person, or the event. But if you remain calm, compassionate, and apathetic, you are not allowing him to upset you–you are exercising control and power over the situation. You are the winner!

[Michael2]

You speak with such wisdom, thank you for your posts.