Advice on First Dates

[ccali78]

So I have been asked out on a couple dates and keep saying no as I have no idea how to date or flirt anymore. I feel in my last relationship I grew up, became kind of reserved (unless you know me), and less outgoing. There are many reasons for this and I am trying to find the girl I used to be.

 

I finally feel like I am 100% ready to date. I think it is going to help me but I keep saying no out of fear. We will have nothing to talk about. He may not like me. I may not like him... I get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Do you just jump into dating and date a bunch of people.

 

I just do not know can someone give me some advise???

[Mutley]

I finally feel like I am 100% ready to date.

 

 

One of the most incorrect statements I've read on here today.

 

Sorry.

[Zeitgeist]

So I have been asked out on a couple dates and keep saying no as I have no idea how to date or flirt anymore. I feel in my last relationship I grew up, became kind of reserved (unless you know me), and less outgoing. There are many reasons for this and I am trying to find the girl I used to be.

 

I finally feel like I am 100% ready to date. I think it is going to help me but I keep saying no out of fear. We will have nothing to talk about. He may not like me. I may not like him... I get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Do you just jump into dating and date a bunch of people.

 

I just do not know can someone give me some advise???

Think of it as going shopping for clothes. You don't really worry about not finding something you like or something that fits you perfectly, right? You try it on and if you like it, you buy it, maybe return it within the 30 day guarantee, or maybe you keep it. If you don't, you leave the store. Dating's like that, except there's no limit on the guarantee. You can return it to the store anytime you like, even if you've worn holes into it (him).

[dearclarity]

I always worry about things like that in social situations... you simply have to learn to get past it and realize that you will find something to talk about. I've found that coming to any situation armed with a mental list of questions and things you can talk about regarding your own life can make any situation seem better--but it only works if you can be enthusiastic about the small talk! It becomes really obvious that it's just nervous filler if you can't be enthusiastic about the answers and responses you get.

 

One of the things that helped me understand how to function in a situation like this was eavesdropping on people who were having lengthy conversations but clearly didn't know each other well. I was able to pick up on what was and wasn't working well for them. It sounds weird, but next time you're at a restaurant, coffee shop, in line somewhere, in an office, etc., try to listen to these conversations and note what works and what is causing problems.

 

Good luck with your return to dating!

[hockeyboy]

One of the most incorrect statements I've read on here today.

 

Sorry.

 

Haven't seen your other posts, but this made me take a glance.

 

I see just a few days ago you wrote, "So it has only been 3 days of complete NC and I am having such a hard time. I want to contact him. I feel so weak... Had he not left it with I love you it would be easier."

 

I really don't think your ready right now and you need to take some time to yourself. IMO anyways.

[keefy1972]

Even if you aren't ready, it's still not a bad idea to get out there, and maybe that will restore some of your damaged ego. The thing is, you have to consciously realize that the reason your saying no, is because of fear and fear only. If you are attracted to any of these would-be suitors, then force yourself to say yes. It's a first date. No one ever knows what to expect on a first date, so don't put any pressures or expectations on yourself, and get out there!

[ccali78]

Ok so maybe I am forcing myself to be 100% ready. I need to move and think dating is the best idea. I am not looking to jump into a commitment but to get out there and have a good time...

[keefy1972]

Yes...it will do wonders to repair your self-esteem. That's what is most key to healing from any broken relationship.

[confused25]

So I have been asked out on a couple dates and keep saying no as I have no idea how to date or flirt anymore. I feel in my last relationship I grew up, became kind of reserved (unless you know me), and less outgoing. There are many reasons for this and I am trying to find the girl I used to be.

 

I finally feel like I am 100% ready to date. I think it is going to help me but I keep saying no out of fear. We will have nothing to talk about. He may not like me. I may not like him... I get sick to my stomach thinking about it. Do you just jump into dating and date a bunch of people.

 

I just do not know can someone give me some advise???

 

My advice would be to go on these dates without any expectations. If the date turned out fun, then great! If not, let it go and move on, you're most likely not going to ever see him again anyway.