I actually HATE him!

[ElasticMagnetic]

My last boyfriend abused me severely in mental and emotional ways. He yelled at me a lot over stupid things, cried whenever I tried to break up with him so that I'd feel bad, and had me scared to leave him. He was such an as.shole.The first month after I broke up with him, I kinda missed him, but as another month or two went by, I started to really think back and see how stupid I was for staying with him after so many arguments and after all the things he blamed me for because he was so selfish. Now whenever I think about him, I get so p*ssed!

 

I am not the kind of person to hate because I find that's too strong of a negative emotion, but I actually HATE him! I hate what he did to me! I hate what he put me through! I hate that he blamed ME for all his problems! I've never met someone so selfish in my life! He took advantage of me and kindness!

 

Am I being too harsh? Am I over-reacting? Am I TOO angery at him? My friends say I have every right to be upset, but what if they're wrong? :sad:

[carla7369]

I don't think that you're wrong to be angry. Anger is just another part of the grief and healing recovery cycle. Don't be surprised, however, if after you feel angry you start feeling depressed, sad, lonely, guilty, scared and so on. What might be really useful at this point is for you to channel your anger into something that will move you and your new life without him forward. That could be working out, taking up a new hobby, pampering yourself, (re)connecting with friends, making new friends, whatever makes you feel better. Anger can be self-protective insofar as it is helping you to realize what you DON'T want in a future partner and relationship (namely selfishness, abuse, etc.). Just try not to get "stuck" at this point. Instead, continue to move forward and onto a better and brighter future without the baggage of a selfish, abusive and emotionally immature person weighing your awesome self down!

[AJ Auteur]

He did you a favor to be honest with you...now you know better...people will mistake kindness for weakness...

 

...maintaining the anger will help you keep no contact if its difficult...dead relationships sometimes take a few tries to end it...learn from this relationship and don't be a victim of the same thing next time. It might take awhile to regroup, heal, and finally emerge stronger.

[agent1607307371]

He did you a favor to be honest with you...now you know better

 

Yes, because abusing someone is really a kindness.

 

 

Your anger is healthy. It's showing you your boundaries and limits. It's strong because it's recent and eventually it will recede, but it will always be there as a reminder.