Problem

[Hopelessromantic915]

I've been going out with this girl. I love her deeply and wish to keep this realtionship going. the only problem is that her ex-boyfriend happens to be my best friend and he's going out with my girlfriends best friend, and they all want to hang out, but i'm worried that she might fall for him again. How should I handle this?

 

Also, i want to take my relationship to the next level, we've already kissed and stuff but i don't know where to go from there. I don't want to try anything and have her be angry at me, what should i do next?

[sleepers]

This situation that you've gotten yourself into is a wee bit complicated. You are seeing ur best friend's ex gf and he is seeing her best friend and you people want to hang out together?

 

It will be really awkward if you want my frank opinion. Not just plain awkward, but weird. Unless you know this girl you are dating have completely no emotions and have moved on totally with her life and she is dating you wholeheartedly and same goes for her ex and yet they want to remain as friends, there's no way you guys can go out in a group as couples.

 

BUT if she tells you that things are fine and completely over between the two of them, trust her. but whether you want to go out on the same date still depends on you ultimately. You have all the right to be jealous in this situation. I would be stuck if i were you. But, i always knew this fact: Never date a good friend's ex.

 

N i also know that it is impossible to stay as solely friends with an ex.. cos the past will complicated matters. Right now, 1.5 mths have passed since i broke up with him. I have decided to move away from him. N not even stay as friends right now, cos things will get complicated as exs and having same friends.

 

Hope that helps.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

I sincerely hope that building trust in a relationship is your first priority, for without trust, all efforts are essentially wasted. Now, trust is something that needs to be "built," and the word "built" suggests a process that unfolds slowly, over time. Trust is not something you can simply snap into (much as we wish it were!) but rather, something that needs to be built, to be earned.

 

Building trust in a relationship can happen in a number of ways. One of my favorites ways to build trust is to simply spend time together. The more quality, loving time together, the greater the chances are that you will remember what drew you to your spouse in the first place.

 

Spending loving time together is also the best way I know to increase communication, empathy, and understanding. Did you ever notice that couples who have been together a long time seem practically to be able to read one anothers minds? Spending a good deal of loving time together has lead them to be "of one mind," and better able to communicate... and thereforeeee, to trust.

 

I think you should just learn to trust your gf, and best friend, 2 of the most important people in ur life other than family. We all have insecurities from time to time but the best way is just let it be, if ur gf and her ex is gonna get back or hav the possibility, wouldn't you want it to be sooner rather than later?

 

Happy Heb

[Frodo Baggins]

If you're asking on how you can keep her from feeling things for her ex, that's impossible. That is not up to you, it's something that's up to her, and even then it wouldn't be something she can control. For the most part, all you can do is develop your relationship with her as best you can, in doing so, as was mentioned earlier, you develop communication and strengthen feelings you have for each other. She may or may not have feelings for her ex, but the best thing you can do is be the person she fell in love with. It's not a sure fire solution, nothing is when it comes to relationships, but it does improve the chances of it working.

 

And as for moving on to the next level, I think it would be best to wait for this thing to be settled first before moving on. Moving on requires a level of commitment and trust; you need to trust her fully and she needs to trust you fully. I'm not saying you don't trust her, but your fears may be just your own. You need to improve the relationship you already have, that way you have a solid foundation to build on. I would suggest you take your time and be sure she's moved on from her ex before going further.

[Hopelessromantic915]

Thanks all, that really helped

[macdomat]

Punch your best friend in the face and say "stay away from my girl!" Just kidding, only kidding.

 

Look, there's obviously some trust issues here. Have faith that she'll stick with you. If there are any signs or indiciations that she's going to leave you for the ex, then confront her. Tell her it's uncomfortable. If she does end up falling for him, dump her ... ! You're better off without.

 

As for the "next level," if this relationship is gonna work, it'll get there eventually anyway. Sooner would be better than later, right? Experiment. Poke around. (Uh, I didn't mean that like it sounded.) If she gets snippy about it, back off, hang up and try again later.