i cheated ages ago...shud i tell him?

[maynards_razorblade69]

Hi every1!

Erm...this is just summink i bin wonderin bout.

a few months ago i cheated on my boyfriend of a year. it was just a meaningless cheat, but still a cheat. i HATE people that cheat, so i dunno y i did it. i felt attracted to this guy, he, at the time, seemed better than my current boyfriend, but didnt wanna chance it and lose my boyfriend. he flattered me and kinda forced me in2 doing wot i was doing, tho it was with my consent, tho that doesnt make much sense. we went as far as having sex, tho it was really rubbish and i hated it.

anyway, we stopped after a while, and i really dont like him now. my boyfriend told me he'd never break up with me if i told him wen i'd dun stuff like this, if i told him he'd 4giv me. but i cant bring myself to tell him coz i know it'll hurt him and he wont trust me anymore. not that he had reason TO trust me, considering my past actions. i was thinking of telling him tho, but sort of laying the blame on the guy, but then, thats also lying to him. i was gonna tell my boyfriend the guy raped me, but thats not the truth.

so please can sumone shed sum light on this situation? coz i believe that if i dont tell him, i'll regret it always and wont feel comfortable. if i do tell him, @ least i'll know i was in the right and shud feel proud of being honest. whether he breaks off the relationship or not will depend on how he feels.

another thing, the guy i cheated with was my boyfriends friend at the time, my boyfriend now hates him coz he showed his affection for me in public.

thanx

lottie

xxxx

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey maynards_razorblade69, happy here

 

lol "shed some light on this situation" - you sound like our moderator swingfox. It sounds like you've head one of those "what happens if one of us cheats" conversations with your bf. Were you one of those people who always said "I'd never cheat on my bf"?

 

People say that all the time, but honestly, sometimes you can't answer a question till you're faced in the situation. Its like the saying "leave a man no options, you leave a man with no choice". What I'm saying is you hadn't cheated before so him saying that he'd forgive you but not be real and even if he did forgive you, you can face the possibility of him just pretending to forgive you when he's really annoyed - which won't be much help at all for your relationship with him. However, if he found the heart within him to forgive you, he probably will and you'd have a lot to make up for.

 

Don't lie to him - especially not tell him you're raped, coz you never know, he might go and punch the crap outta this guy and then the truth might be discovered and you'd be really screwed.

 

You're going to face problems now anyway like STD's. You mentioned you had sex with this guy. As with all sexual relationships, STD's are a serious threat to both you and your significant other. We all know about the effects of HIV and AIDS, but there are ranges of other STD's that will alter your lifestyle in a heartbeat. Chlamydia, syphilis, genital warts, gonorrhea and herpes are just a few diseases that will not only ruin your existing relationship, but will become a major obstacle with many future relationships. So before you go off with your booty call, since it is next to impossible to tell if they are carrying anything, wrap it up. For more information on STD's, check out our STDs section. If you don't care about yourself, at least have the compassion for the person you are putting at risk.

 

Loss of Trust:

You may think that this is irrelevant to you because he/she "isn’t going to catch you". Okay, you can think like that, but what if the impossible happens. Getting caught by your significant other will lead to dozens of problems, both short and long-term. First of all, he/she can very well leave your butt on the spot. Relationships are built on trust and breaking that bond is often irreversible.

 

But if he/she really loves you and decides to maintain the relationship, then you have some interesting problems for the road ahead. How does getting questioned about everything you do sound? Or even better, knowing that your significant other could hold your screw up above your head for the remainder of your relationship? Let us give you a quick answer here; it will suck.

 

At the end of the day You WILL HURT your bf. In most cases, you will shatter their trust, their opinion of you, as well as their beliefs in the relationship. They may leave you and have every right to do so. Even if you are forgiven, the relationship will never be the same. You will be hurt. You did care about your significant other and if they end the relationship, it will be over. You may lose friends once they find out.

 

Loss of Respect:

This ties in with the loss of trust in a relationship because if you cannot keep your pants on when you are with someone, you are a sorry piece of work. Most people with healthy relationships believe not only in respecting their spouse, but also believing and respecting one's self. Without this key element, he/she will be questioning if it is really worth their time to continue staying with you. Furthermore, you integrity as a quality person will be jeopardized. If you get dumped, who are you going to try for next? Oh her/him? Sorry, he/she heard about your exploits and is not going to touch you with a ten-foot pole. Believe us when we say, "word gets around fool".

 

I think you should tell him because this isn't a new relationship, this is a 1 y.o one. If you don't spill it out now, you risk the secret coming to light later on in the future and causing more damage. You also risk your role in the relationship, if you are able to cheat and keep it a secret, what else are you capable of?

 

In either case, it comes down to your decision and your motives. Despite your decision, there is one thing that you should NEVER do: ask friends, family, even the other person to lie for you. This is your mess, you can ask them not to tell, but don't ask them to lie directly. If they are asked directly by your significant other, they shouldn't have to compromise themselves for your gain.

 

'luck

Happy Heb

[Beec]

I would not tell him if I were you. But I would also be prepared to tell the truth, if he ever asks. Keepign your cheating a secret is one thing, lying to him is another. Of those I know who have confessed, nothing good has come of it. One friend is still living it down five years later, and his wife calls him incessantly. Divorce is eminent. If it is five years from now, you are married and he asks, then it is a bit different from telling him now. If he finds out and asks five years from now, then lying to him is going to make it worse.

 

Multiple women and men I know have told me the same: don't confess, but tell the truth if asked.

[meeso]

ok ive been goin out with my guy for a year now... ok and weve been through ups and downs throughout the whole relationship.

now me and him have had this talk about "what would u do if i cheated" and "id never cheat on u" u know wut im sayin anyway..lsn......eight months into the relationship he cheated ok now i didnt know what to do but the good thing is he came and told me the next day ok fine i mean cheatin isnt what i consider good but sayin the truth about it and not findin out from someone else is what i consider something good u know what im tryin to say.

look if he really loves u and if u want this relationship to really work out and if the guy means nothin to u......then i think u should tell him just tell him the truth dont lie to him about this it will only hurt him more.....u dont want to live with the fact that u cheated on him and never told him u know.....i forgave my boyfriend cuz i love him ok and yes im hurt and i was hurt but i chose not to remember i forgave but i didnt forget he mmight not forget it and it will take time for him to trust u again so u got to say the truth and if he decides to stay then thank god uve got him....and do everything u can to make him be able to trust u again and DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO HIM now i dunno i might not be givin the right advice but thats wut i did i forgave him and if u want this to work out then i think u should tell him......he will be hurt !

good luck!!