Is it annoying to....

[SStevens]

You can call and say HI if you want, but that's it. You sent a text and he did not answer. A call is ok, but not necessary since you do not have plans to meet this weekend and you do have other plans. You are actually busy, so maybe he sees no reason to call.

 

Good point.... I will call him later and let you guys know how it goes

[tsarevnaelena]

Hi!

 

I just got out of a situation like this, and by "got out of," I mean I got played and hurt. So I will be honest. He probably does/did like you. He probably was not trying to play you at first, but a girl wanting a "casual" relationship is many a guy's dream ... at first. But subconsciously, guys don't seem to value girls who are into that. My older brother explained to me that maybe less that .1% of women are REALLY, REALLY into having casual relationships. Many say they want it and may even believe it themselves, but what they REALLY want is a commitment, and so they start off by selling themselves short because they have "tricked" themselves into believing that all the want is casual. I am not trying to diss you, as I said, I have done this. I said casual is fine but like you, I became more invested than he did, then he got bored and left and I looked like a fool because I wanted a relationship but had tricked myself into thinking casual would be OK. It sucks.

 

If you want clarification, cool, but to be blunt, I don't think you have much "value" to him. It's totally not your fault, but I think he just figures you're "fun time girl" for when he gets bored or horny. He is probably going to get into a real relationship with a girl who is upfront about wanting one - not right now, but eventually, and I'm sorry to say that you might have him convinced that you are not that type of girl because of the way you started.

 

I personally would leave it and move on. The more you contact, the more you will turn him off. If he has feelings for you, he needs to get in touch with that without you prodding him.

[SStevens]

tsarevnaelena-- Thank you very much for your response and for being honest with me. I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it sucks.

 

I agree with you he probably did like me in the beginning as well. And you are right...I do want something more of a commitment now. Normally when I am in "casual" relationships I do not stay in them this long...which is why I am just really out of my element in this situation. After this long I admit that I need something more or something said to define what we are. When we are together everything is great.

 

I'm not sure if you read the above posts but I did end up giving him a call after he did not answer my text yesterday. Surprisingly he sounded excited to talk and we were on the phone for a little over an hour just catching up on everything that happened the rest of our weekend last weekend and what our plans are this weekend. It was a really nice conversation as I was only expecting a quick hi and that was it. When we got off the phone i was like ok well i guess i'll just text you tomorrow or whatever and he was like "ok that sounds great, talk to you soon."

 

I mean I just don't know how to read him. And I see what you and everyone else is saying too if he wants to talk he will contact me. Well he contacted me each time we spoke last week and the week before that. So he does still contact me too....

 

He is tough to read! Anythnig else?

[SStevens]

So how long were you seeing this guy? Would you mind telling me a little about it? Did you just feel like he was hard to read the whole time?

 

If you had the chance to do it over again with this guy would you bother even saying something blunt to him or would you just leave it alone? I really appreciate you sharing your situation with me.

[SStevens]

Keep us informed of what happens anyway. Always interesting to see what the outcome is, in this type of situation.

 

Ok..so I called him and we talked for about an hour. Everything seemed to be fine..surprisingly he was the one talking most of the time. we talked about a lot of different things but then..he said he hadn't heard from me all week..and i was like:

 

Me: Um..well I texted you

Him: Well I never got anything

Me: Ok...you never got anything at all? Not even one text?

Him: No I didn't get anything, you've been to the phone store two times about this phone not working, you need to just get a new one

Me: (in a joking way) Did you think i was ignoring you all week or something?

Him: Why would you ignore me? No I didn't think that...

Me: I wouldn't...I don't ignore people

 

And then so on just back to talking about different things. Like I said he is just really hard to read. I always go off of myself which I shouldn't do. For example..I just got done with college and when I was just "hooking up" with someone I made sure we were both on the same page. That means no phone calls, no lovey dovey stuff..when it is just hooking up thats all I want it to be..and I would never talk to someone for that amount of time I wasn't interested in.

 

But that's me...i'm very black and white..others are not. It is these others I need advice about because its so confusing to me!

[D_Lish]

It's like they blow 'hot and cold'.....one minute all over you, the next...they vanished. I still think it's a sign of waning interest though, or not enough interest and I can usually spot the signs, when an interest is waning.

 

Take my guy for example. In the beginning, I couldn't get rid of him. He did most of the calling, texting, usually every day and we talked hours. This went of for a few weeks cuz we are fairly long distance. Lately though, I've noticed his calls have lessened (once every other day) and we chat five mins and then goodbye. Up until Tuesday, I hadn't heard from him in three days. Now today I text him, no reply. Then couple of hours later I called, no reply. Fair enough, he's at work, he could be busy....but I expected him to call tonight and he didn't. Now this is the first time it's happened, because he ALWAYS calls back....so it's out of character for him. But anyway, I aint calling or texting, it's down to him. Think I'm the way I am though, because I've been pissed about a lot in the past and been taken for a fool....but ya live and learn I've given guys in the past, one too many chances...and nowadays they got 'one' chance. Screw up once and Im gone

[SStevens]

Let me know what happens with him! How long have you guys been seeing each other? I feel the same way...I have certainly been taken for a fool so now I never know when I should give someone the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I don't give it to anyone I am never going to have a good relationship because I would be out within a few months probably....

 

I mean when I see my guy he is always so into me. Like when we go out he always wants to hold hands and all that...and when I stay over he always wants to have his arms around me when we sleep. And I am just not used to that unless someone really cares about me...It baffles me that some people can just act like that when they are just using someone....What is the point of this false closeness?

[D_Lish]

Not looking good. He got in touch eventually, yeah...things were said and I ended up telling him it was over. Anyway and despite my saying it was over, he called about an hour ago, as if things were ok and I told him that it would be a cold day in hell before I ever texted or called him again. Said he wasn't bothered and hung up. If he's not bothered, why continue to phone me?...lol

 

Honestly, cant be bothered with it. I'd just rather bail when things aint right, which I have done.

 

False closeness, see your other thread for my reply on that one. However that aint saying your guy is being 'false'. The guy could genuinely care for you. I think you need to sit him down and have a 'heart to heart'....

 

Have you heard anything else from him btw?

[SStevens]

Not looking good. He got in touch eventually, yeah...things were said and I ended up telling him it was over. Anyway and despite my saying it was over, he called about an hour ago, as if things were ok and I told him that it would be a cold day in hell before I ever texted or called him again. Said he wasn't bothered and hung up. If he's not bothered, why continue to phone me?...lol

 

Honestly, cant be bothered with it. I'd just rather bail when things aint right, which I have done.

 

False closeness, see your other thread for my reply on that one. However that aint saying your guy is being 'false'. The guy could genuinely care for you. I think you need to sit him down and have a 'heart to heart'....

 

Have you heard anything else from him btw?

 

Well today I texted him in the morning to see if he actually got it..as I said sometimes my phone really is shady...even though I have had it replaced twice...nevermind thats another story lol. Anyways he texted back to let me know he got it.

 

Then for a little background...he recently bought a really nice camera and is trying to get into photography a little just as a hobby. I was telling him the other day about this cool tree I always see on the way to his house but I didn't know exactly where it was like cross roads...

 

So he texted me after he got off work to let me know he found the tree and took some pictures of it for me..which I thought was kind of nice I didn't even think he was really listening when I told him how cool I thought it was.

 

See thats the nice stuff i'm talking about and then other days he just acts like a * * * * * . I will keep you guys posted as I'm sure I will need advice again soon..

 

Good for you DLish setting him straight! I really admire you taking a stand when you knew things weren't going as you wanted. So he called you again after you had broken it off? Did he confirm he didn't really want anything with you or did you not ask him and just tell him you were done?