SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I need advice but no one seems to be responding to my original post...maybe the title wasn't catchy enough. Anyways cliff notes version: I am 22, he is 26. Been seeing him for 4 months. We have a laid back relationship as in we are not really defined as anything besides "seeing each other" Had a great weekend last weekend, hung out 2 nights. Said we'd see each other soon...texted me when he got home that night... No communication since (Sunday Monday Tuesday) which is not abnormal for us..we don't talk everyday but when i send a text he normally responds which he didn't yesterday. I'm nervous. I do like him. Would a guy tell you when he doesn't want to see you anymore after a great weekend and four months? And is it annoying if i call him today when I sent him a text yesterday with no response? Advice please! Link to comment
george237 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 It sounds like you want more, and maybe he does too. You need to tell him what you want and if he doesn't want the same you need to part ways. Call him today there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't say why didn't you respond to my text. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 To be honest hon, I wouldn't send another text. Especially when you sent one yesterday and no response. I'd leave it up to him, to get in touch with me and the way I see things is, they do get in touch and if they want too. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 It sounds like you want more, and maybe he does too. You need to tell him what you want and if he doesn't want the same you need to part ways. Call him today there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't say why didn't you respond to my text. I totally was going to say something to that effect lol! Well I was going to see if he got the text because sometimes my phone doesn't work properly. There have been times where we haven't gotten each other's texts before but it happens only seldom. So I was going to say "um... have you been getting any of my texts?" Bottom line...I haven't really been this involved with anyone for a long time...and I know if someone were to call me as I am calling him I would never get annoyed. But then again..I am not a guy and I just don't really know what is acceptable or considered annoying. I really appreciate all responses. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 To be honest hon, I wouldn't send another text. Especially when you sent one yesterday and no response. I'd leave it up to him, to get in touch with me and the way I see things is, they do get in touch and if they want too. Yes I can see your point for sure. However, this relationship has really been all over the place. In the beginning it was always him talking almost too much, then it kind of shifted into me initiating conversation...then for the last couple weeks it has been him. We have a very strange relationship that maybe needs some boundaries or something...because without being defined he technically doesn't even have to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore. I mean it would be the decent and right thing to do...but I think all of us know that doesn't always happen..especially in my case. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Link to comment
george237 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Yes but I call them friends with benefits. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Yes but I call them friends with benefits. Ok then I have another question for you. I have been in "friends with benefits" relationships before...But how long do you normally keep those going? Because I never do for this amount of time..and not so regularly. I mean in the time we've been seeing each other..for the first month and a half it was every single weekend. Now its more like every other weekend...maybe a little longer just depending on what each of us has going on because we live about an hour from each other. I have asked him before if he is sleeping with anyone else and he said no..And I have also told him I like him before and it was important for me for us to be on the same page and he said the same. That was also two months ago..... Link to comment
george237 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Ok then I have another question for you. I have been in "friends with benefits" relationships before...But how long do you normally keep those going? Because I never do for this amount of time..and not so regularly. I mean in the time we've been seeing each other..for the first month and a half it was every single weekend. Now its more like every other weekend...maybe a little longer just depending on what each of us has going on because we live about an hour from each other. I have asked him before if he is sleeping with anyone else and he said no..And I have also told him I like him before and it was important for me for us to be on the same page and he said the same. That was also two months ago..... Well I keep them as long as they can go without someone developing feelings. It might be that all he wanted was a fwb and now that you are expressing feelings he might be trying to push away. The only way you will find out is if you ask him what the deal is. Tell him that you like him and you want to go exclusive. If he gets scared away then you'll find somebody else. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 You have to have a talk with him and tell him what you want. You risk him breaking it off, but at least you will know where you stand. FWB can go on forever....so if you want more, you need to let him know. The fact that he is not calling you more often tells me that he does not really want more right now. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 We have a very strange relationship that maybe needs some boundaries or something...because without being defined he technically doesn't even have to tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore. I mean it would be the decent and right thing to do...but I think all of us know that doesn't always happen..especially in my case. The only way that you can introduce boundaries, is if both people are 'interested' in something more serious and the only way you will find out if this guy is interested in more, is if you ask him. Even though this is a casual relationship, you seem to be more 'into' it, than this guy does and is. The fact that you seem to the one making the effort to contact him, while he can seemly go for days without calling you and then failing to reply to your texts, is a great indicator of who is the more interested party. I personally wouldn't text because I would like to 'test' his level of 'real' interest. I don't see that as playing a game, it's merely wanting to know where I stand with a guy/gets some idea of what I really mean to him. If he hadn't been in touch for days and he didn't return my text....that wouldn't indicate 'high interest' to me. But ya know, that is just me. You know this guy, you know 'your' relationship with him and so do what feel is in your best interests. Keep us informed of what happens anyway. Always interesting to see what the outcome is, in this type of situation. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 You have to have a talk with him and tell him what you want. You risk him breaking it off, but at least you will know where you stand. FWB can go on forever....so if you want more, you need to let him know. The fact that he is not calling you more often tells me that he does not really want more right now. I agree with you. But that is a conversation I would rather have with him in person. What I am more concerned with now is just being left hung out to dry and getting that chance to talk to him in person. I mean I didn't do anything wrong...we had a good weekend so why do i feel worried like this? I guess its because without being some kind of defined relationship its not really in his obligation to have to tell me his plans about anything..whether he wants to continue seeing each other or not...even though it would not be very nice.. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I agree with you. But that is a conversation I would rather have with him in person. What I am more concerned with now is just being left hung out to dry and getting that chance to talk to him in person. I mean I didn't do anything wrong...we had a good weekend so why do i feel worried like this? I guess its because without being some kind of defined relationship its not really in his obligation to have to tell me his plans about anything..whether he wants to continue seeing each other or not...even though it would not be very nice.. Well, in that case, you can call and ask him out and then bring it up. You will have your answer...good or bad. Link to comment
KAT MOMMY Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I would indeed call him and see what's up-no use fighting the feeling especially when you are unsure of what or how he feels. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Yes I agree with all of you. I am more interested than he is. What is so frustrating is that in the beginning it was completely the other way around and somewhere it got flopped and now I am in this situation. I am calling him when he gets out of work...and really we rarely talk on the phone so I just hope he answers. I am not going to talk about our relationship over the phone I am just going to make it real casual and just see if he even got my text since it is a fact that he knows sometimes my phone does not work well. Then next time I see him...which hopefully there is a next time...I am going to let him know how I feel and see where things stand. Does this sound good? Do you think I will get my chance to see him again? All responses are much appreciated. Honestly, thank you! Link to comment
george237 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Do not ask about the texts, you are going to come off bad. Just pick a day you can meet with him and let him say yes or no. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Well I keep them as long as they can go without someone developing feelings. It might be that all he wanted was a fwb and now that you are expressing feelings he might be trying to push away. The only way you will find out is if you ask him what the deal is. Tell him that you like him and you want to go exclusive. If he gets scared away then you'll find somebody else. Well when we first began seeing each other I think both of us had the casual expectation. But then we started talking more...his doing really... and we both said we liked each other. He would tell me he missed me and stuff and couldn't wait to see me. So there was a time when we were both sharing feelings. This is why there is confusion for me. Normally I understand what kind of relationship I am in. Like I will know we are just hooking up...or I know we are together. This one is just very different. I hope all of you know that..this doesn't happen to me often which is why I need the advice. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Do not ask about the texts, you are going to come off bad. Just pick a day you can meet with him and let him say yes or no. Not to be annoying to you George...but I am not going to reprimand him about not answering me or something...its just going to be "hey have you been getting them?" This is going to be like a five minute conversation...maybe less. This is still annoying? Explain. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 This happens with most guys. They chase at first but once you start to call them, they start to lose some of the enthusiasm that they had in the beginning. If you ask him about the texts, it will come off as if you are checking up on him. It does not matter if he got them or not...the point is that he did not contact you of his own accord and free will. If you call him one last time to set up one final date, do not start to ask him about the texts. It is not relevant at this point. Make a date to meet up and hang out and then find out what he wants. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I see. Ok no asking about the texts. Got it. I can't really make a date with him right now because I know we are not going to see each other this weekend...so really I can't make the date until sometime next week. But I sill want to talk to him. Is calling to talk out of the question? When I feel like this I just don't even know what to say. Any suggestions? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I see. Ok no asking about the texts. Got it. I can't really make a date with him right now because I know we are not going to see each other this weekend...so really I can't make the date until sometime next week. But I sill want to talk to him. Is calling to talk out of the question? When I feel like this I just don't even know what to say. Any suggestions? May I ask why you cannot see each other this weekend? What is the reason? If he is not seeing you on weekends, than that is bad news. There is no need to call and nag him if he does not want to get together soon. The point is...if a guy wants to make a date, he will call you...not the other way around. It is ok to call a guy if he is your boyfriend, but you have not even reached that status yet, so...unless there is a very good reason why this weekend is out, you might have to prepare yourself for the worst. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 P.S. if it sounds like I am completely lost in this situation...It's because I am. I really want to see this guy again and I want to tell him how I feel. I just don't want to screw it up by saying something stupid on the phone. I am 22..I have been in relationships before and dated quite a bit in college but as soon as I actually like someone this much I just start to get really nervous and lose my normal cool...which I know its hard to imagine that normally I am very cool...(ha ha) Link to comment
george237 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Just call and talk to him. Keep it light and funny, and invite him over for dinner on sunday night, oh wait football, Tues night. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 May I ask why you cannot see each other this weekend? What is the reason? If he is not seeing you on weekends, than that is bad news. There is no need to call and nag him if he does not want to get together soon. The point is...if a guy wants to make a date, he will call you...not the other way around. It is ok to call a guy if he is your boyfriend, but you have not even reached that status yet, so...unless there is a very good reason why this weekend is out, you might have to prepare yourself for the worst. Can't see him this weekend because for once...I have plans lol. Yes I agree with you..I do not want to call and ask him to hang out next weekend or something. I wouldn't do that..it's far away. If someone asked me to hang out next weekend this far in advance I wouldn't even have an answer...because it's not me to do that. All I am saying is..I understand what all of you are saying. If he wants to talk he will contact me. What if i want to talk? I have to just wait for him to call me? I understand if I am like trying to talk to him everyday. But I have not talked to this guy at all since Saturday night. I mean i sent him one text yesterday and that is it. (The last text he sent me on Saturday after saying goodnight was actually a question about one of our friends which I never answered because I fell asleep.) Does anyone see where I am coming from here? And I just need to clarify I am not meaning to sound rude at all. I do appreciate all this feedback because I obviously was not thinking of it this way at all. I am just trying to understand why it would still be annoying for someone to call a guy...ask him a question and just say hello and then say i will talk to you soon or something. Link to comment
SStevens Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Just call and talk to him. Keep it light and funny, and invite him over for dinner on sunday night, oh wait football, Tues night. ha ha yes football...yes light and funny. I think I can do that...I just don't really know how to start the conversation off... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 You can call and say HI if you want, but that's it. You sent a text and he did not answer. A call is ok, but not necessary since you do not have plans to meet this weekend and you do have other plans. You are actually busy, so maybe he sees no reason to call. Link to comment
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