(sorry kinda long) dated my gf's best friend before dating my gf

[Nifus]

ok so here's the problem i'm having. hope someone will be able to help me out.

 

I've been with my gf (we'll call her Amy) for a while now. before we got together, i was dating one of her best friends (whom we'll call Sarah). there's reasoning behind that. for the better part of almost two years, i had a crush on Amy. we always got along so well, her friends loved me, even her parents loved me. unfortunately, she would have none of it. alas, she didn't want a relationship. she wanted to date around and play the field. so for about a year, we were friends. she dated around and i got to meet all these guys that she was "seeing", none of which were me. but i persevered because i felt that she was worth the wait. worth the little bit of hell i had made for myself. over time we steadily became better friends. we went out on "dates" (just like dinner or the movies or something, usually just the two of us and i usually payed). months upon months go by whilst I'm trapped in this strange limbo between friendship and something more.

 

naturally, i become frustrated with constantly giving and not receiving anything back. it doesn't seem like Amy is going to let up anytime soon so i might as well start looking elsewhere. fortunately, it seemed that someone was already waiting for me. Sarah, Amy's long time best friend, had stepped forward. after a short time, we decided to get together. for about 3 months, we were together and things seemed pretty good. until she found out about my feelings for Amy that is. even though i knew it was wrong, i had still held on to my feelings for her. Sarah didn't deserve to just be my second choice because she really was a great girl. we got into a huge fight about it but decided that we should stay together because we both only wanted the same thing, to be loved. something i never got from Amy. a few more months go by and i start hearing from/seeing Amy alot more. apparently, she had seen what i'm like in a relationship and (finally!) wanted it for herself (or so i'm told). during this time, Sarah and i have started drifting apart. I'm about to go on deployment for 7 months (I'm in the navy) and Sarah and i decide that while we do have feelings for each other, i didn't see it developing into anything really serious. so a few days before leaving, i broke it off. (which i feel was the mature and right thing to do instead of making her wait). in those last few days, i spent a lot of my time with Amy. and the night before i deployed, we kissed. oh how wonderful it felt! The next day i leave on deployment. i hear from sarah a bit but for some reason i hear NOTHING from amy. 4 month go by and i come to find out that she had been seeing someone since before i left (she was keeping it hidden from pretty much everyone because nobody she knew actually liked him and with good reason. the first time they dated (like 2 years before i met her) he was pretty much your basic * * * * * * * bf with a little bit of verbal abuse and rape on top. apparently, she still wasnt over him. how that could be possible i never understood. and guess what! he was doing it again and even worse than before! what a surprise! thankfully, her parents pretty much kidnapped her back and put her in therapy. she has since seen the incredible mistake she made. but back to the problem!)

 

ok, so i get back from my 7 month deployment. the only thing i can think about is seeing Amy. doing what i can to make her happy again. to help her get through (much tougher than getting over) what she went through while i'm away. We hang out alot and slowly get closer and closer. we had become best friends and my feelings for her came rushing back. Once again, I'm caught in that strange limbo between friendship and something more. Only this time, something is different. she actually likes me back! YAY! so we finally get together and i couldn't be happier!

 

i know what you're thinking : so what's the problem? I'll tell you. there are a number of things that Amy says she doesn't want to do with me. why? because i did them with Sarah. These things include but are not limited to: mini-golf, going to Jillian (which are both fun things), and staying in a hotel room together! (when with Sarah, we just could NOT get away from her parents so we got a nice room at the oceanfront (think myrtle beach type place) for a weekend. this rule doesn't just mean sex, we cant even sleep in the same bed).

 

she's told me all about her past and, as disturbing as it might be, i do what i can to get over it, to look past it, or just plain not think about it. i do this because i love her.

 

what i want to know is this: what cant she do the same? if she uses that mentality the shouldn't we not be kissing or holding hands or anything like that? i most definitely did those things with Sarah. she keep's pulling the past between us and the only thing it does is separate us. i would never do something like that to her because of how messed up her past is. i keep the mindset of "the past is done and there is nothing i can do about it." i love her and i just dont know what to do. please help?

[civilservant]

Thebes a reason you don't ping-pong between friends. Sarah has probably told Amy everything you did together, and now Amy thinks of nothing but. There may simply he no solution to this, and it dosent help that Amy has Bern through some bad stuff and is not 100%.

 

Have you asked her why she feels this way?

[redhearts]

Yeh well at least you know now why you don't date two girls who were friends. I bet she just thinks of what you did with Sarah constantly, but then again its like is she going to have this problem thinking of every other girl you could of possibly done things with? I think shes not ready for a relationship and as much as you love her, she needs therapy and just someone there for her. Its kind of like hmm shouldn't have gone out with Sarah.