My best attempt at a poem

[Goincrazy]

I write poetry quite often but most of my poems rhyme because it's hard to write poems that don't rhyme and still sound good. Now I know this poem probably sounds a little gay or corny but please tell me what you think about it, thank you.

 

EVERY NIGHT

As I lay my head down to rest on this night, I shall dream of nothing but your soft, tender lips and your smooth hourglass shaped body.

This night like all nights I long to hold you and feel your body within my arms.

In my dreams, we fly together accross the lovely, dark and majestic sky hand in hand.

With the world under us, we fly amongst many stars with the moon only mere inches away.

As we descend from the heavens onto a beach, the beautiful mysterious ocean surrounds us.

With its luminescent sparkles within the ripples caused by the light of the moon, no sight can compare except for your surpassing beauty enriched by your innocent smile.

As you lie in the sand, never ending pleasure sits before me.

My inescapable craving for your love causes me to succumb to your every desire.

The water's waves, created by powerful gusts of wind, crash onto the shore causing the cool, ever flowing water to reach the very tips of our feet leaving us with a chilled sensation.

The pleasant conditions of the beach intensify our everlasting feelings for each other and further enlighten our understanding of true love.

These dreams though wonderful, are forgotten the moment I see you in reality.

My electrifying and heartfelt dreams remain solely as memories in the back of my mind till that night when I am alone once again and have nothing but time to dream about you like I do every night.

[EmptySoul]

hey, i thought it was great. 8)

EmptySoul

[VickiRose]

That's so sweet!! I absolutely loved your poem! Your so talented!

[Goincrazy]

thank you so much! I appreciate your comments. Yea well I love to write poetry, but I'm very slow. That poem took me two hours if you can believe it. Anyway keep the comments coming!

[xxsupaxeroxx]

Hey I consider myself a poet myself, and dont worry im slow too , I really like how the meaning of the poem transcended. nice work

[atticus]

yeah it's cool...

 

one thing though...

 

order the lines, after each ',' or '.' or whatever, start a new line, and make them into verses, would be a lot easier to read, and would flow better!

 

later.

[musicguy]

as a published poet, I thought that your poem was really good. I felt every words that you said. Poems don't have to rhyme neccesarily, it's all what you feel when you write your poem. Good job. Keep up the good work.

 

Musicguy

[just_smile]

hey

i though that it was great, i loved the way the word flowed, i though the poem was very heartfelt. i also find it hard to make my poems not rhyme, and in doing so it takes me hours to write them.

anyway i think you have a talent and should keep writing no matter how long it takes

~LJ =;