Please help me!!!! I feel so hurt

[jclaam]

Hello everyone,

 

I don't know where to start because I am so sad right now and plus I just don't know where to begin my story. There was girl that I was talking to and we have been talking to one another for about the last four months. We have our difficult times because she just broke up with her boyfriend before I start talking to her. I really like and care for her. I was really to begin to have strong feelings for her. Last Sunday, I was over at her house hang out with her and her family it was great. It made me feel that she is really getting comfortable with me. I really start to believe everything that she said to me. We didn't talk for a week during the Christmas time, however during the week we didn't talked , she said that she missed me and that she thought about me all the time. She said that she miss the way I smell.

 

However, this Monday she called me and told me. She doesn't know that if she going to talk to me anymore because she is thinking about going to her ex. He called her and told her. He still loves her and that he is willing to change for her and that everything will be back to normal. Her ex is an psycho and he gets very poessive of her. He won't let her go out with her friends and he tells her what to wear. He just gets really jealous and he think all time that she is going to cheat him. I just can't believe within 24 hours span, she can change her mind about me and wanting to be with me. But she says that she doesn't know what she wants right now. She doesn't know if she wants to be with him or me. I don't know what is there to decided anyway. This is the guy she been complaining to me and how is so psycho and crazy. She told me that I am the perfect guy for her and that is not my fault. She just doesn't know what she wants. I know that he has been important part of life for the last three years. But that three years has to mean something and plus she lost her virgnity to him. I think that also could be factor. I just don't understand that what did he tell her and in order for to change her mind to want to be with me. I was shock and so depress about myself because once again the nice guy is going to finish last again.

 

I just really get down on myself and I know that I shouldn't do that because is her lost not realizing that she something wonderful in her hand. But she wanted to go back to for more drama with him. I really believe all the things that she told me about how she really likes me and that she cared lot about me. She has only had sex with two people in her life. The first was her ex and the second guy was me. I thought sex between us should mean something however now I just thinking that she just used me. She probably just wanted to get back at him or wonder how does feel having sex with someone else. I really thought she was really sweet and geniune girl, but I was wrong.

 

I found out that the next night she went over to her ex. I don't know why she was over there because she promise me that she was going to talk to both of us for while until she figures out who does she want to be with? But I think she stay the night with him and she doesn't has the guts to tell me. I was filled with so much anger and saddness because if she going to back to him at least she let me know. But she didn't. So I kept calling her cell phone and then I went to her work to confront her. She told me that I was acting like a psycho. I told her that I just wanted to know and that I wasn't acting like a psycho and that I deserve to know because I don't deserve to be toy around by her. What does everyone think about that. Her mom really likes me and told me that she is probably going to move back with her ex, so it would be closer for her to drive to school. But I think that is just an excuse. I just can't believe that people would lie to you in front of your face. I just can't believe that she didn't have guts to confront me and that I deserve to know. She even changed her cell phone number couple days later, so she doesn't have deal with me. I have not called her since Wensday because I know is over and what is the point anyway. But why am I still on this forum talking about her. I guess because I really like her and that I really wanted something with her. I know that it will take a couple months for the healing process. I really cared for her and this is how she treats me. I just think of it and that she is ungratful of my love and affection for her. I feel sorry her and that good luck with getting back with her ex because I know that is going to work, who knows? Maybe I just jealous. I hope everyone can comment on my story. I really appreciated especially from an female perspective. I ask this question why does women always not recognize to hang on to good ones instead going back for more drama and hurt.

 

Thank you all for reading my story, please give more as much advice or comments as you can.

 

Sincerely,

Jclaam

 

[QTpie87]

hi,

i think that if you like her that maybe it would be a good idea to sit down in person or on the phone, just no notes, and tell her how you feel. don't act all needy, but ask her why she wants to go back to him if he is so crazy when she says that you are the perfect guy. maybe she just needs a little time to think.

anyway good luck,

love Qtpie87

[mr_ripley]

I'm in a very similar situation myself. I know EXACTLY how this feels, trust me. Obviously, it's up to you what you do but personaly I walked away from the whole sad, sorry situation. In doing so I kept my pride and my dignity which believe it or not is probably the most important thing of all. I am also comforted by the knowledge that one day, perhaps one day pretty soon the woman in question will realize that she has made the biggest mistake of her life by regecting me and hooking up with her abusive ex boyfriend. Of course, by that time it will be too late, I will have moved on. It will be the same with you. This woman will live to regret her decision, nothing is surer.

[avman]

Hello there jclaam,

 

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. It does sound like you might have been the "rebound" guy for this girl. You were the person who loved her again and made her feel good about herself. She took that strength to move on to her next relationship (unfortunately, back to her abusive ex).

 

I think you need to stop obsessing over this girl. Stop the phone calls, showing up at work, confronting her in hostile ways, etc. All that will earn you is a restraining order. It certainly wont make her want to be back with you. And its not getting you the answers to any of your questions.

 

Try the [link removed contact rule and see how that goes. I think thats the one shot you've got left at this. In any case, you need to stop contact with her for awhile because you are so upset. Its impossible to have a meaningful discussion with someone when your emotions are all over the place. Take some time and get your bearings.

 

Let her initiate some contact with you. And then follow the steps in the no contact post. Don't throw yourself back at her, because obviously that isn't what she wants. She needs to see a little self-confidence from you and she needs to give you a little respect. Not having you available for a little bit may help that process.

 

I hope this helps you. Good luck.

 

avman

 

Also,