Cougar broke my heart in pieces...

[ewokbiscuit]

I'm 33, she's 40...no big deal if you ask me, but apparently it is for reasons I will explain. Here's the short of it: I met her in March and have been seeing her pretty regularly since then...slow at first then she kicked it into another gear by going out on dates with me, treating me like her boyfriend, and we ended up getting rather close (or so I thought), oh and yeah - I found out from her that she had a boyfriend who lived in Miami, so I guess I was just a guy she hooked up with (which I was cool with at first). I had a realization one day about 3 months into it, that I really liked this woman, I mean I was starting to fall for her, despite what parameters and boundries were set. I shared my feelings for her. At first she was cool about it, then she started to really vascilate and go from wanting to call and hang out with me all the time, to the next week telling me she would never feel the same way about me as I do for her. * * * ?!?!?!?! So now my head is spinning in total confusion and my friends and family are telling me to FORGET her, to delete her number. I feel manipulated and used and that she just used me as a filler when her real guy was gone. She always said she was attracted to me, just that her heart wasn't in it like mine was. I'm not lonely - I just wish she could know that I feel this way about her because I like HER, nothing more. I have since stepped back and removed myself from the situation somewhat. Any advice is appreciated.

[IMAbadman]

Dude, that really sucks. Makes you wonder why people do this kind of thing, using people for their own selfish gains. I'm of the opinion of your friends and family, cut her off.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, at least you know where you stand. And since she isn't offering you what you want from her, it is better to just move on. She really wasn't suitable for a long term relationship anyway because she cheating on the other guy with you, and doesn't look like fidelity is what she is after.

[ewokbiscuit]

Part of me wants to really text her or call her and say hi. I know I probably should not.

 

She texted me on Tuesday to say "hi" and tell me she was going golfing and then was going to be out late that night with her girlfriends. Why she felt she needed to tell me that, I don't know...especially after 2 days of complete silence. Strange. Maybe it was her way of just gauging to see how I was feeling and if she still had CONTROL over me. I responded very briefly and acted very indifferent, but all the while being nice. She responded back and I never responded. I feel like I may have ruined my chances - but really, did I ever have a chance??

[blueyez2002]

I think you should back off completely as hard as that is going to be. It sounds like you never had a chance she just wanted someone to have fun with. You are a beautiful guy, you can do better, and from the sounds of it deserve better. Move on find someone worthy of you!

[ManAbout]

I feel like I may have ruined my chances - but really, did I ever have a chance??

 

Why would you even want a chance with her? It was fun while it lasted. But, I would not advise you to spend any more time contemplating on this relationship. You are 33, she is 40 years old! Where do you think this will go? Nowhere! Do you want a family in the future? Do you know how difficult it will be for you to have kids with this woman if it gets that far???? Dont waste your time. You had your fun, now move on and find yourself a 21 year old. That is what you should be doing. Not wasting your time chasing a 40 year old woman who is in a relationship and appears to be playing games with you!

[shemojo]

I dont think age so much matters here as her intentions, she sounds like she did not know what she wants/wanted with you, or she did and it was noting more than play time. Obviously, not what you envisioned as you developed feelings for her. Attraction does not necessarily mean love or long term relationship. From what you describe of her, she's immature in vacillating back and forth, and playing you, at 40 she should know better what she wants in life.... not play teenage love games and lead people on. Maybe she interpreted your interest as just FWB? In any case cut your losses.

 

I'd say you are fine to have age differences in relationships, but be open-minded of thoughts of future family together, etc. Manabout is blunt, but correct to some degree. Women in their 40's can have kids, but it is truly more difficult (take this from a 40 yr old who married a 30 yr old, ours is working out fine 8 + yrs married now!)

 

You are right to back-up the train and tune things down a notch to just friends or forget her altogether. You will know when it's real with someone. If you have to ask, question things, or are skeptical best to get out before anyone gets hurt. Be honest, open, and yourself, and that will make more difference than age in a relationship of any kind.