Just getting some stuff off my chest...

[Keyman]

Can't find the day by day let us know thread I used to post in, so will create one of my own.

 

Well it's been a couple of months since my last post here... Actually that sounds like a confession and I'm not even Catholic. But Hail mary, anyway!

 

So last thing that I posted was about trying to be friends with the ex. Well I tried and it didn't work. We actually had a fantastic day together, but ten minute before the end it erupted into an argument that ended in my walking away. It showed me one big thing that I had known but for some reason had ignored. She is very controlling, I think it's a way to make sure everything happens the way she wants it. And it came accross this way during the argument. It came down to, things were going to happen the way she stated, she made the rules and there was no way I was going to get a say. Funny how in these moments, you realise how the whole relationship had been like and how she had played with my heart and kept me where she wanted me and not allowing me to push for what I wanted or just be me. I went home to my flat afterwards and had a good cry. Yes I can admit I cried, and it was for the firest time since the break up. Boy did it make me feel so much better. Then a female friend rang and came around and sat with me until 3am. The universe sends us angels in wonderful ways. But since then it has been so much easier to stop thinking about her. I loathe her for the being she is - my ex, not the female friend. I can't stand the ground she walks on, or anything that reminds me of her. I hate her with a passion. Never again do I want her in my life.

 

So I have only seen her once since then. She works two buildings down from mine, so the chances of running into her are quite moderate, but I have managed to time it rather well. The time I did see her I did not stop or even acknowledge she existed, just kept walking on, but even this sent me into a pit of depression for the rest of the day. But I have been waiting for this week. She leaves her job tomorrow and then no longer works in the city, so the chances of running into her will drop dramatically. I'm happy about that. I can't wait. Only two more days of avoiding her and watching where I am walking. It's nearly here.

 

So why then do I miss her?

 

I've been dating other women since we broke up, but no real prospects as yet. Not that I'm in a hurry, I'm enjoying the single life and while it is a little lonely at times, I'm getting on and having fun. Yes I miss being able to love someone and being loved - not that I really felt much of that from her - and I certainly don't want to get back involved with her again, or even have her as a friend (the first ex I felt this way about).

 

So why do I miss her?

 

Anyway, writing this has made me feel better for the most part and I haven't had to talk much about it for the last little while, so that's a good thing.

 

Life is good, love is waiting in the wings for the right opportunity, and my life is very nearly back on track again.

[okay]

A: because she has good side too, & U had a history of good moments & felt good chemicals. Before U’r realization that she’s controlling, U made circuit of memories why U miss her/why it was good, & now when U feel low or lonely U’r brain goes back to what worked in past. If U want to get read of it just remind of bad part U realized.

 

U can have that w/ others too, just invest more time into rel, create new memories.

[Kahdeksan]

Heh, I kinda laughed at your first line, so thanks for that hey?

 

I asked that same question too, why do I still miss my ex when she was so wrong for me. One day I decided to ask my little sister and her exact words were, "cause you're an idiot!'

 

Hahah. I am an idiot for missing her, funny how something so simple from a kid made me realize what a fool I was to even be missing someone that was so wrong for me.

 

Anyways, these are just the many residual emotions from the honeymoon period or otherwise that are left after our hearts were broken and the relationship severed.

 

But it looks like you're already on the mend... so good for you!!