boyfriend joined dating and sex agency

[jesser]

hello

i have just done something that i shouldn't have i have checked my boyfriends email as i got too curious. Well i got my just deserts when i found out he has joined a dating and sex agency, saying how he wants an older woman to seduce him and show him what women really want in bed. i could understand if he just wanted advice but as he said he was single it makes me feel sick. We are in a long distance relationship and he is going in two days on my birthday. i dont know what to do i feel sick. maybe he was just messing around

[crookster_man]

Well, I really doubt he was joking around. He probably assumes that his email is private and that no one would read it, since it is private. That being said, you did read it and discover something that you don't like. What are you going to do?

 

If you confront him, he will know that you went behind his back and read his email. Of course he is pretty much engaging in cheating (thought not officially since it's only emails) there is a chance that he is just playing around with the other women maybe just having some fun?

 

You have found yourself in quite the pickle, I'm sorry to say. Your going to have to resolve this one way or another, I doubt you can carry on your relationship knowing about this, without addressing it. Good luck, we will be here for you.

[avman]

Hello jesser and welcome to eNotalone,

 

I think thats a serious problem with your boyfriend. Not that I condone snooping, but unfortunately you found something.

 

I am curious how you checked his email long distance. Did you break into his account? If so, I am guessing that you had some reason to distrust him.

 

I would confront him, although I doubt he will tell the truth. If he admits it, then you have a chance of saving the relationship and working on things. If he denies it or makes up a lame excuse - then I think you might be in some serious trouble. I doubt you could trust him after something like that and without a serious level of trust there is no way a long distance relationship can survive.

 

Please let us know how it goes. We are all here to help you.

 

avman

[jesser]

he told me his password i we have been together for 3 years and was seeing if he had kept any of my emails that he sent me he knows my email. i didn't think that we had anything to hide from each other

[crookster_man]

Hmm well that's a different situation. Unless he is incredibly stupid most people don't carry on affairs in a forum which is easily accessible to a significant other. Maybe he was testing you? That too is rather sick of him.

 

Quite frankly there is no reason for this; it's to bad that you found yourself in this situation… BTW did he keep any of the emails you sent him?

[jesser]

no i have all of his.

i feel a bit dumb

[jesser]

just spoke to my friend and he said that he was probably just messing and not to think much of it. and that it was just a stupid bloke thing

[crookster_man]

Could very well be, you know your man better then us. Clearly it has upset you. I would definitely do what it takes to get this matter resolved for you.

[avman]

I'm with Crookster Man, do what you need to so this gets resolved. If he gave you his password, well then I wouldn't call it snooping since he should have expected you to go in there. I'd ask him about it and see what he says.

[enadevoli]

you saw what you saw. you werent right in snooping, but what hes doing is not right either. you need to say some thing to him, otherwise things are just going to go unsolved & if he thinks hes getting away with that, then what else do you think he might think he can get away with??

[ajc2774]

i had the same exact situation including the long distance. i found things i didn't want to find, and then ended up being too honest and telling him what i found. i can't lie.

 

how things turned out: my boyfriend didn't make a big deal of it as he was in the wrong. he stated that he was hurt, though, by my lack of trust. i told him that the lack of trust was validated. in the ensuing few weeks, we did seem to get over the situation.

 

outcome: 2 weeks later, i found out that my job came through that would allow me to move accross the country to be near him. he broke up with me the next day. told me he was too scared / felt responsible for me moving to be near him. i, of course, worried that it was all my fault as our incidence with trust caused the break-up.

 

but, my curiosity still got the best of me. i knew all of my boyfriend's passwords and soon found out after our breakup through credit card and cell phone statements that he had been cheating on my all the while anyway. he successfully made me feel responsible for our break-up when it was he couldn't commit, did all of the betraying, and lived a lie the entire time we were together.

 

morale of the story: don't feel bad for doing what you did. EVERYONE DOES IT INCLUDING MEN. there are good men out there who you will never find incriminating evidence on and you will then begin to trust and lose that curiosity to snoop. your boyfriend may just have been experimenting, but my advice would be play it as cool and calm as possible. you shouldn't break up with him over this, but you should keep your eye on him. it could be a warning sign. be your own woman, stand your ground, and play the game. men always want what they cannot have.

 

good luck!