Is it possible to fix a broken heart?

[martin6565]

I'm asking because i'm trying...

 

trying to fix my ex-gf's heart that I shattered. It's been 8 months now since we broke up, we're on good terms- but lately I feel my efforts, affection, words, visits, genuine appreciation for her are being taken for granted, used if you will.

 

I've asked friends and one has told me NO a dumper can NEVER repair someone's broken heart no matter how hard they try.

 

I really hope she's wrong...

[Zeitgeist]

A dumper cannot repair a dumpee's broken heart. And the more the dumper tries, the more the dumpee's heart gets broken. The kindness literally kills them b/c it only drives home the fact that they lost someone wonderful. Be careful - remorse very easily turns into resentment. Best thing you can do is stay away.

 

But I'm guessing you're trying to get her back.

[bfla]

Aren't we all.

[Lucy__lou]

tell her you're sorry, ask her how she feels, ask her what it was that broke her heart. let her tell you what she's gone through... listen closely, and then ask her what she needs in order to heal from the hurt you caused. If she needs you to give up trying, honor that. If she needs you to simply understand how your actions impacted on her, then listen well, and ask her what she needs from you in order for her to trust you and want to risk her feelings again. If you've broken her heart, and she's damaged and fragile, it's very important that you have a thorough understanding of how you managed to hurt her, otherwise you risk accidentally breaking her heart again. You've got to know where her greatest vulnerabilities are if you are to treat them with better care. If she's not forthcoming with her feelings, dig and dig until she tells you. If she doesn't know what she needs or wants, then it's a bit harder. I guess it's about figuring out if you need to be patient and persistent or to leave her alone.

[Infin1ty]

Are you trying to get back together with her? If your not, you really are just making things worse for her, and as stated above, your doing nothing but driving the fact that they lost a great thing, down into them.

[mattysfun]

ummm my ex could fix my broken heart.

 

if that boy called and said he still loved me and wanted me back BELIEVE id be dancing in the streets.

 

and my heart was broke broke.

[soulmeetsbody]

My ex fixed my broken heart.

 

 

We split up once in the past and he was the dumper. It destroyed me, gave me the worst 2 weeks of my life where I was living in my bed, lost 10 pounds. I have severe depression and i hated him for making it so much worse. I wanted him back, but I didnt think I would ever forgive him, I was having panic attacks everytime he begged me to take him back, I was so scared it would happen again. But he was so persistent and after lots of time spent together, I could see myself with him again and understand what drove him to leave me. I still don't think I took it slowly enough because it was so hard to heal, and he tried and tried to comfort me but at the same time HE was the one who hurt me. But I found it in myself to understand why he did it and I couldnt be mad at him. If you really love someone you forgive and forget (well not everything is forgivable of course).

 

 

We split up again, for different reasons. And I could totally lose faith in love, think 'that's it, we split up again after 3 perfect months together, its not going anywhere'' but no. I would forgive him again if I could forgive myself for what I put him through. Relationships encounter problems all the time, and mine suffered a lot from my personal issues, and he was very strong but there's a limit for everyone. I guess we had 'good' reasons to split up but it's hings we can work on - the thing is I can only work on them by being single. So if its things you can work on and the love is still there then its not dead.

 

 

 

good luck

[Comeback_Kid]

Aren't we all.

 

Amen brother

[Cimmie]

I don't believe the ex can fix a broken heart. It's paradoxical for the cause of the hurt to try and heal it - that will never work.

 

As for how you fix a broken heart - I wish I knew. Mine is broken, and three years on I don't think it is nearer being healed. I'm not sure a really broken heart can ever heal. Better to leave her alone and stop trying to interfere in her healing - you don't want to be with her. That's what has hurt her, and seeing you regularly will only remind her of that constantly.

[HoTung]

my ex broke my heart - then he called all the time, told me he missed me and wanted to meet for dinner but had no intention of getting back

 

he tore me apart to the stage i had to ask for no contact as i wasn;t moving on.

 

I bumped into him at a friends birthday and it just bought back all the hurt and pain i had suffered.

 

I really hoped maybe in the long run we could be friends but i reealised thats impossible not after the pain he put me through.

 

He is now seeing someone i know and he never had the guts to tell me - i found out via facebook -is that the way you treat someone u are meant to care and value as a friend.

 

he broke my heart, led me on and now lost any chance of friendship

[Cimmie]

my ex broke my heart - then he called all the time, told me he missed me and wanted to meet for dinner but had no intention of getting back

 

he tore me apart to the stage i had to ask for no contact as i wasn;t moving on.

 

I bumped into him at a friends birthday and it just bought back all the hurt and pain i had suffered.

 

I really hoped maybe in the long run we could be friends but i reealised thats impossible not after the pain he put me through.

 

He is now seeing someone i know and he never had the guts to tell me - i found out via facebook -is that the way you treat someone u are meant to care and value as a friend.

 

he broke my heart, led me on and now lost any chance of friendship

 

Hotung,

 

Mine did the same - I have no idea why now. He pestered me with attention for a year after the 'affair' - I thought he wanted to get back together, then it transpired he had re-started the affair and it had been going on for months. It served to compound all of the hurt he'd initially caused - it was completely devastating.

 

I do think the only solution is a clean break. It is up to the OP to accept the hurt he's caused and leave this girl alone to get on with her life.

[martin6565]

We've been split for 8 months total, in that time 3 of which were her wanting me back, her calling/texting me, her wanting to hang out. Then on month 4 I realized that I missed her. Not just the comfort of being in a relationship, but i missed her. Being with her, laughing with her, I even began to love her flaws, (the things that used to bug me) like how ditzy she is (lol) I began to realize that the reasons for the breakup were actually bogus, we weren't a horrible couple...I just didn't appreciate her. I had to loose her and force a breakup for me to finally realize this. At that 4 month mark, I tell her directly I want to get back together and she says she wants to be single, enjoys not being in a relationship, not always hanging out with one person, calling, texting seeing them all the time...but it dosent have to be like that! I was so controlling when we were together, i've changed so much and want to encourage her.

 

So here we are, and YES i'm trying to do EVERYTHING in my power to show her and make realize that i'm genuine. However recently I am beginning to question if i'm even making any progress. Yesterday I went to see her and she had a big hickey on her neck! Yes its a consequence of breaking up, having your ex be physical with another, but is this a deal breaker? If i was dating a girl, and saw that i'd be walking the other way! (Out of pure disrespect to me) I know I can't get mad because we're not together, but it just makes me think that all i'm doing really dosent mean anything to her if she's just going out and hooking up.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I guess this is karma coming back at you. You threw her away broke her heart, she wanted you back and you kept throwing her away. You realized too late what she meant to you. Sometimes the dumpee just gives up on the dumper and moves on. Sometimes the dumpee feels they can never put themselves out for the dumper again after all the pain...it looks like this is what she has done and she is trying to move on. Unless, of course, she is playing games with you and wants you to chase...in which case that is not good. Reconciliation should be when all the cards are out on the table and there are no more games being played. I would suggest you give up on this. It is quite possible that once you back off she will come forward again...who knows...but do you really want this push pull game.