Have l done the right thing?

[Senna]

Well, there was me thinking that me and the ex were trying to start again everything was going as well as could be expected when she said she's still not sure-she doesn't want to hurt me!!

 

We had 5 months apart without any contact l like to think I've changed she say's I have (for the better) but it scares her. l'm not weak anymore where as l think she is now, she's not the strong person she once was.

She told me how unhappy she had been-she told me how she missed me so much and that she was still in love with me and longed to be in my arms again and that she would never give herself to anyone the way she gave it to me.

 

All this is very nice to hear-thought it was just me falling apart but if we both still feel the same and have confessed to not ever allowing anyone to be that close again-why can't we be together and be happy!? l'm so lost. I never begged her didn't cry all l said to her was that both of us might never feel like this again and may regret it when we're in our 80's that we didn't fight for what we had-l told her that l would give her a month or so to do some thinking as l can't wait around forever-was that the right thing to do?

[White Rider]

hey there

well, proply you did do the right thing, but i dont know about the month thing, maybe u should have said take ur time and think what you want, but dont worry that much about it, if as u say you both love each other taht much then im sure you both will get back together, u r both afraid of getting hurt again, and as something that already happened it proply wont happen again, if she truly loves u and u truly love her, ull work uot everything and overcome all, stand by each other, only together you can do it

best wishs

[bdub]

Senna,

 

I remember reading your post when you got back together with this girl. It was really a good thing to read. I'm really sorry things aren't working out for you right now.

 

From reading your post, what I think may be happening is that you were able to heal and move past the old relationship while she was not. It seems like during the time you were apart, she didn't take that time to heal and to work on the problems that she brought to the relationship. So while you have moved past the old relationship and are starting a new relationship, independent of the last one, she is still stuck in the old one.

 

Really the biggest distiction about the two is that you aren't hurt as much by what happened in the past as she is. You went through all of that and moved past it. She is still feeling that pain and hasn't yet moved through the grief stage of the breakup.

 

What to do to help this situation is the hard part. One of the things that really helped you get past the pain was not contacting her. Getting the old stuff out of your head. But if she is to do that, then she will really need some time with no contact. And that isn't really what either of you want, I don't think. So maybe the next best thing is to try to open up communication even more that it is. It seems like you are both able to express your feelings about the breakup now, maybe try to talk about the future relationship and try to figure out what you both want. Its really a diffuicult step, but being open and honest will really help you to grow together. But don't push it. Try starting out small, without either of you feeling "pressured" to talk.

 

I wish all the best for you and this new relationship.

 

bdub