Starting over, feeling low...

[cobro]

I feel like I'm starting over. My gf broke up with me over 2 months ago, and now she is seeing someone else as of last month. Our mutual friends make me look pathetic in front of her, telling her things about me and gossiping about how I can't get over her. So I initiated the no contact rule for both of them. I haven't talked to the ex for one month tomorrow and the mutual friends get the hint that I don't want to talk to them, they've only called once in the last 3 weeks and the conversation is short on my part, because they remind me of my ex and the pain. I mean they still talk to her and lie to me about hanging out with her and her new bf. I think one day I will eventually re-connect with the mutual friends, but who knows. Does this sound unreasonable on my part? They don't respect me, I know that for sure. So over the last couple of months I met a couple of other people who are really cool, we've been hanging out and I've been able to get my mind off the ex and the mutual friends. But something happened this week, one of the couples I've been hanging out with are having relationship problems. So I've not been hanging out with them as much, I've been trying to find other things to occupy my time like working out. Then I found out one of the reasons this couple, whom I consider good friends, has not been hanging out with me. The guy told me his gf found me attractive and he doesn't want her to have second thoughts about being with her. I don't blame him at all, I don't want to ruin a good relationship. He said we could still hang out, just not when she is around, its just that he doesn't want any distractions on her part. Now I can't help it she is attracted to me, I didn't do anything besides be myself. I feel bad, but I understand his situation and hope we are able to hang out again when she goes off to school. So now I hung out with some new people last night, and I felt kinda uncomfortable, I felt like I didn't really fit in. I'm kind of shy at first but once I get to know people I open up, so I was kind of quiet last night. On top of that, a really pretty girl showed up and I was instantly intrigued by her, but I couldn't get any words out! A couple of the guys said she's a party girl, I don't know if I want that again, that was part of the reason my gf broke up with me, I don't like to go to bars and clubs every weekend. But during the whole evening, I felt uncomfortable, I missed the comfort level I had with my mutual friends, I missed having people who know me. I was having a hard time talking to this girl, she and I made eye contact on numerous occasions and when laughing, etc... I might have had a chance with her, but my confidence level is still rock bottom. On top of that, I missed my ex. It's just setting in that I will never talk to her again. No call on xmas, none on new years, no emails, I think it is because of what my mutual friends told her about me, how "bad" I was doing. I don't want her back, she is an immature person who broke up with me 3 times. Am I just feeling low because I am unsure of my decision to cut contact with all ties to the ex and mutual friends? At times I felt like I am being weird or unsensable for doing this. I still cry at times thinking about the changes going on in my life and wondering if I am doing the right things. I've been with the same group of friends (the ex and mutual friends) for over 3 years, so it's stange starting over. I have alot going for me, and alot to offer someone, but at times I feel I am crazy for cutting these people off. So now I'm back at step one, not alot of close friends and alot of time on my hands. I guess I'll make the best of it. Any suggestions or comments? Thanks for listening to me vent!

[Realitybites]

Hi Cobro,

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes we go through changes in life that leave us a at a loss with our friends and close-ones. Don't worry. This is a sign telling you that you need to spend time with yourself, and figure out the direction you need to be taking right now in your life. Make the most of it. Take it as a hiatus - a much needed break we all need from time to time to regroup, to go into ourselves and maybe even make some changes. I think quality of life is what you should focus on right now, and if your mutual friends are making you uncomfortable, taking some distance is a good idea. On the other hand, I know from myself that when I'm confused and hurting, I tend to overreact and become really sensitive. I read too much into other people's behaviour. What I'm trying to say is, maybe since these people obviously mean something to you, you could consider giving them a chance to patch things up. Because you might be wrong about what they think. Give them a call and tell them the reason you're feeling this way. You don't have to get all heavy, just state the facts and let them respond. As with your new friends, so you can't hang out when the gf is around. You still have the guy. Hang out with him instead. It's always uncomfortable being around people you don't know too well, but take it one step at a time. And keep listening to your own needs. You'll be fine.

Good luck.

[cobro]

I see what you are saying, I realize that I do need to concentrate on myself, not being so dependent on other people for my happiness. It just gets hard sometimes, especially on those weekend nights when you get lonely. It just gets hard to see the future sometimes. I have alot of goals planned out, mostly like graduating college in a few months, working towards certifications in my field this month, moving to a new house, getting a new job or moving up in my current one. I think if I can accomplish these goals I will be happy where I am at this point in my life and I will be ready to welcome someone special into it. Plus by that point I won't be so dependent on others because I have accomplished these goals on my own for my own benefit, plus my confidence level will better. So I have it planned out, it just gets blurred sometimes. Does this sound like a good plan? Thanks for pointing out that starting over can be a good thing. BTW, those mutual friends called today, I wonder if they know I post on here? If they are reading this, then don't bother calling me again! Thanks for listening.

[Pandora]

Hey cobra,

 

I'm kinda going through the same thing with my ex no contact and all. Well the good thing for me is that we don't share mutual friends so i still have my girlfriends to fall back on but the bad thing is that we're in the same college and i have to see him everyday whether i like it or not. i still miss and love him lots and since i start seeing him in school again i have started crying too even though i have stopped for months when i had no contact.

 

For you part i think you did a good job by initiating no contact and taking the effort to heal and try to get over her and making new friends. I feel that what your mutual friends did was mean they should have at lest help you and not try to bring you down any further. it seems best if you cut all ties so that you can heal properly that worked for me. If there is a chance you guys can still get back together again. And it good too that you have bother to go out and have fun. Its a hard and trying time for you but if you want to heal its all up to yourself. If there is need you can come here and post your problems .People will always answer or you can pm me.