I broke down and feel worse. Need support

[Marus]

So its been a week and change of no contact with my ex. We've been broken up for several months while she was in another country. Just last week I messed up so horribly that she blocked me on AIM and I started the no contact, not as voluntarily as one would like. I had blocked her journal and everything else related to her as best I could. Blocked her on AIM in the case that if she unblocked me she wouldn't get to see me hanging around.

 

I broke down today and checked to see if she was online. She was of course, but I'm still blocked. I even went so far as to check on her journal, which had two new entries. Nothing about a boyfriend, but just going on with her life.

 

I'm really kind of defeated and I'm trying to move on. Every day isn't much of an issue, but every now and again something pops up that makes me think of her and it pulls at the heart strings. I'm not getting any better. I'm not getting over her like I'm supposed to.

 

I'm a fiend for information on whats she's up to. I haven't talked to her friends or asked her anything. I'm maintaining the no contact but couldn't last a week without information on what she's up to, to see if she is thinking about me or anything of that sort. Its horrible.

 

I don't know if I can even be her friend once I've gotten fully over her. Thats the plan is to be completely independent again. That means living my own life and not depending on others to make my life interesting or fun.

 

I don't know what to do. I must maintain no contact but I want to know what she is thinking. I need to find out the score between us, to see if I'm making progress. I've read the no contact pick me up that says she is thinking of me and I know she has items, including a ring I gave her that she still wears, that would remind her of me. The question is if all the negative things about me are starting to fade and if at the end of the month I'll be ready to talk to her.

[LBP]

You know what you must do. Indeed, you've stated it within this post. The trick is time and willpower. Your mind will learn that returning to this woman, or attempting to return to her, will only bring you pain. This will inspire growth... Unpleasant but necessary. You'll come out a better person for all this. It's not fun, but you'll savor it in the end.

 

Don't let anger or bitterness consume you... I honestly think that forgiveness is a big part of this process. Forgive her, forgive yourself. Live life and indulge in those things that give you joy.

[IMAbadman]

Buddy you need to move on. It’s been several months and you’re still obsessing over her, not cool. We’ve all been there; we’re all going through it… hell I’m living it. But you have to find yourself a vent, something to take you mind off her. You got to let it go.

[Marus]

I understand IMAbadman. In the months after the breakup I maintained contact and just two weeks ago I visited her. So the situation is completely fresh in my mind. It felt like the break-up all over again during that last visit.

 

I appreciate the advice, I'm just not sure how to go about giving it all up and moving on. The no contact isn't working, contact would be the worst idea. I can't wait for school to start, that will definitely take my mind off it.

[IMAbadman]

Go out... hang with friends. Meet yourself a new lady.