life sucks

[UnfairLIFE]

This is the first time I had ever seen this site, and im so happy i found it. After reading a couple threads, i have already learned a lot. Thanks to those who have given advice.

 

anyways heres my situation,

 

quick FYIs:

Dated two years in undergrad

hometowns 7 hours away (mobile alabama, tampa florida)

Just graduated college

Shes moving to different city for law school (but new city is closer to my hometown)

I was planning on moving to the same city to work for the legislature and also to attend law school but a year later

 

 

Two weeks ago i visited my girlfriend of two years. We hadnt seen eachother in two months because I was in asia on vacation and she left for europe for vacation. Needless to say i was very excited to see her. Well when she first answered the door she didnt even seem excited, she just gave me a hug. I didnt know what do think. I had just driven 7 hours to see her, and she didnt seem to care that I had showed up. We spent that night at her parents house, and the next day we went to a beach condo i had rented for the night. During the next day everything seemed to be fine, until i tried to be sexual with her. She told me she didnt know if she wanted to. I didnt know what to say. Finally she told me that she sees things differently since going to Europe for the first time. I was in complete shock. I broke down, i started to cry, i begged for her back, i was a complete coward. She told me she loves me but in a different way now and that she is afriad that if we continue this relationship and marry sometime in the future then we will just divorce 5 years down the line. She said this way the best thing to do. I left the condo and walked on the beach for a bit to calm myself down. I couldnt believe what was going on. I understood that she was confused. Our lives were changing. She is going to law school in a different city and I am moving to the same city late this fall around october. I knew Europe was so much fun for her considering it was her first time. I just kept on thinking to myself that she was stuck in the European vacation mindset where you have no worries or obligations and soon she will realize what she is tryin to push away.

After thinking about it more and more i decided to go back to the condo. I was considering just leaving but she begged that we just stay the night. That night we ended up going to a very nice dinner (she took the check that cost $150) We drank two bottles of wine and had a great time. We were both drunk and on our walk home we both just started crying to eachother. Later in the condo we ended up having sex. I know it didnt mean anything cus we were drunk, but i still had hope that it did mean something. Early in the morning (around 6am) we both woke up because we couldnt sleep. I was a complete mess and turned into a sobbing baby to her again. She hugged me as hard a she could, only to console me though. After i calmed down, i asked her if she wanted to go to the beach to watch the sunrise w me. We did but this time i kept myself together. We joked about our past and occasionally held hands. It almost felt too normal for me. I just kept on asking myself, "am i doing the right thing? is this winning her over?" After the sunrise we check out of the condo and went to breakfast. I was supposed to leave that day but she asked me to stay for dinner at her parents house. Ofcourse I agreed because i saw this as another oppurtunity to win her over. After dinner, she asked me again to stay two more nights. I was so confused because didnt she just break up w me? I thought to myself that just maybe she is having second thoughts. The next two days were great w her. We were pretty much acting like boyfriend girlfrined without the kissing. We went shopping together and went to another expensive dinner w her. We even went to her sisters to watch a movie and she cuddled with me. I thought that just maybe I had won her over. I felt great, i felt relieved. Later though when me and her went in the pool together i asked her about us and she told me she still doesnt know. It shot me down. I thought for sure she had changed her mind. But no she didnt. The next day when i was leaving, me and her went to breakfast before i took off. When parting we hugged for the longest time and she gave me a kiss. We both teared up and that was the last i saw her. This was all two weeks ago.

Since then, i have called her every other day and texted her everyday (before reading advice on this forum ofcourse) Our convos have been short and pretty much lacking any type of substance. I told myself not to smother her but i also told myself not to be too passive because i dont want to lose her. I made it a my mission to remind her how good things were before she left for europe and i just needed to remind her. I made her a very nice heartfelt slideshow of us (cheesy i know) But her response wasnt what i thought it would be. She just texted me "u didnt have to do that, but thank u" Yeah that hurt a lot to read, after i had just spent hours making it. A couple days later I wrote her a 2 page letter. I told her i understood where shes coming from, but i also told her that was she was doing was unfair. unfair because she broke up with me within 24 hours of seeing me for the first time in 2 months. I begged her to remember but also to give me a chance because we owe it to eachother. I sent this letter three days ago. We have talked since then but not about the letter. This hurts. It hurts a lot. I poured my heart into this letter and she didnt seem to care.

Yesterday I got drunk at the beach and started to text her. i pretty much begged her again, but like before, no luck. Later that night when i sobered up, i texted her i was sorry about before and told her to have a good night.

Today, i actually talked to her on aim. Coincidentally i was reading this forum while talking to her. I knew the no contact rule but i was already chatting with her by then. instead i just made sure to not bring up our relationship and just pretended nothing was wrong. I wanted to show her I was confident. I told her i was moving to my former college town, gainesville (just 2 hours away from her parents house in tampa) to study for the lsat. We talked about other stuff and then i told her i had to go and to have a nice day. An hour after that she texted me "to let me know about your new move" This was the last point of contact and probably the first time shes ever been the first to text me or even ask about me.

 

I move next week to start studying for the lsat, and i was wondering if i should even call or txt her about it. I really want to start this no contact game to see if she misses me. In the end of this month she has to move her stuff from gainesville to her new law school. I know she is going to need help moving her stuff and that will most likely be me. I want to have no contact w her for at least two weeks before she has to go to gainesville to move out. Maybe in two weeks the perfect storm will occur where she will miss me, she will see me in gville, and i will be a nice guy by helping her move.

 

Im so confused still, and also in shock. We are still in a relationship status with eachother on facebook and i dont know if that is a good thing or not.

 

Im sorry about this length of this.

Any tips or advice would be great.

[Whiskers]

It's hard to say but I think you should be changing that relationship status. Though there is a possibility she will come round, after two months in Europe and not appearing to be that excited about seeing you, I imagine she didn't miss you as much as she should have. This would have given her time to think about the future of your relationship and it's entirely likely she had the breakup in mind before you got there to see her.

It's probably why she is coping so well and she knew it would be a surprise to you...hence the comfort.

If you are going to do NC, then you need to do it and you should tell her you're doing it, that way she can respect your wishes and let you move on. But I suspect you have no intention of going that far just yet due to the fact you are still harbouring thoughts and hopes of getting back together. If this is the case, you are likely to suffer a little more if she decides that's most definitely not happening.

If she wants the split then you ought to give it to her, the whole lot. No contact, no texts and no phone calls.

If she misses you and wants you back then attack that hurdle if and when you get there. For the mean time I ask you to look out for yourself first because as much as this woman is most probably nice and loving, she's going to look out for herself first.

XXXX

[Chrisanderson]

Hey man.

I know the pain you're going through as I'm going through the same thing with my ex fiance of 5 years. I tried everything. I tried flowers, cards, I tried discussing the good times, I tried the powerpoint presentation of our past, I tried talking about our future plans. Nothing worked. The conclusion I've come to is that they have to realize it on their own. There's nothing we can do or say that will make them change their mind (unless we win the state lotto or something lol).

 

It hurts man. It has been 2 months for me and I just woke up from a dream about me trying to stop my ex from marrying the guy she's seeing now. Scary stuff. I'm hurting right now worse than I was on day one. The pain is almost unbearable but we'll get through it.

 

Have you asked her if she is seeing (or thinking about seeing) someone else? It's a possibility that you may have to face. My advice to you is to just tell her you need NC and stay there. Try your hardest not to call, email, text. They will do no good. She has to realize that she wants it on her own.

 

I'm hoping she'll come around for you but you have to prepare for the worst.

Good luck man!