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He won't spend any time with, what does he want from me?


americangurl
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I have known a guy for about 4 years, about 2 years ago we almost went out, but something happened and we just quit talking. We stayed friends said our hello's and goodbyes when we saw each other and that was about it. After a long period of not seeing him I ran into him where he worked and he ask me where and how I had been. One thing led to another and he got my number again. Two days later he called and we went out. We drove around all night after having a drink at a local bar and talked. We talked about what happened in the past and why we never got together then. He told me that he always was attracted to me but just never pushed it. He said he quit calling back then because I never called him (sounds like something I would, but I can't remember if its true) and that it takes 2 to make something work. It was a great night and it ended in the wee hours of the morning with a sweet kiss. We continued talking on the phone and going out. He took me to his hang outs introduced me to his friends and all seemed to be going great. We were getting along and spending time together. Then all of a sudden about 3 weeks into the relationship he doesn't want to spend time with me. He is always with his friends playing pool. He still calls me and is always wanting to know where I'm at and what I'm doing, but he don't spend any time with me at all. I ask him if he wants to do something he says no. To get his attention I tried hanging out with his friends and that just made him jealous. His friends are great and we all get along good, but he thinks that something is going on behind his back. Nothing was going on but a couple of his friends are attracted to me and he knew it. I didn't do anything wrong, but he told me that it looks bad that I'm hanging around with his friends when he's not around. Now I can't hang out with his friends with or without him cause I don't want him or them to think bad of me. I told him that I wasn't going to sit at home all the time. I also told him that I never see him cause he's always with them. He comes back with oh so you don't want me hanging out with my frineds, I said no I just want to see you sometimes. It didn't help he still won't spend time with me. I haven't spent time with him in 2 weeks now, but if he don't hear from me he's calling wanting to know were I've been going, what I've been doing, and who I'm doing it with. Stupid me lets him get by with this, but he really seems like he likes me when he talks to me. If he thinks I'm mad he gets worried.

 

He was the one who said it takes 2 to make something work so what is he doing? I really want it to work because I really like him. I could really use some advice if anyone has got some to give. I could really use a guys point of view as well.

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Well, I don't feel right saying stuff about someone I do not know, but he sounds like someone who dont know what the heck he wants in life and also doesn't know what he has before him. A woman that could love him? That cares for him? That wants a meaningful relationship, and possibly long-term?

 

I know you like him, It's obvious, and he probably does too... It just sounds like he is just too shy to admit his real feelings to you, or fears commitment. He must see it in your eyes that you like/love him (not sure there?), and it might scare him a little. What is the age range here? I am 24 yrs old and I am dating a single mother of a 9 year old girl, and in the future I would be ready to commit myself to the both of them. I know the predicament is different, but I have fears too, of going to quickly and scaring her. I need to give her time, and be patient, and hide nothing. Be open.

 

Try this, tell him straight how you feel about him, over supper and some fine wine, but tell him you want to take it slowly. (If you are serious and could love him). If he like/loves you he'll come around.

 

If he continues to treat you the way he has been afterwards, then he is one of those classic J*RKS. Look for a nice guy, cause they always seem to finish last, because I always did and I'm trying hard to not let it happen once more.

 

Good luck with him, and happy New Year!

 

Paul

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Question, Why are you letting this happen.... you like this feeling...I hope your saying NO>!!!

 

 

Your not a door mat. i don't see him as a real friend, Or for that matter someone i would want to associate myself with. But if your willing to attempt a very risky Plan of action I can provide you with the details. (here we go)

 

If he won't give you the time or day, to go do something, under the justification of "friends" than why keep pursuing..Right? have you asked yourself that question?

 

OK yes women like a challenge, But to a certain degree....How to change that is quite simple.

 

Sometimes called "Flipping the Script" to master this you must tell yourself to NOT do the following

 

1. don't answer his calls

 

2. don't give him what he is lacking towards you,

 

3. Don't give him overall what He has NOT been giving you..That being the attention, Why keep feeling like a Minimal use play toy.

 

like i said above, you can turn this all around, backlash it in his face, You watch and see...he will be the one trying to construct Plans/Preparations, he will be the one calling, the one who visits, the one who is the cat.....You just play the roll of the Mouse. (***Make him Come to you***)

 

catch my Drift?

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S4il, you make a darn good point there.

Make him feel the same way she's been feeling, treat him the same way.

It probably might work, but I would give him another chance. This is just my opinion, you dont have to listen to anyone here. Try what I said, then If he continues, do EXACTLY what S4il over here said. I'm more then sure he'll feel

like he is not in control, and will chase you after.

 

S4il, your not classified as an expert for nothin eh?

 

Good advice.

 

Paul

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