Do the relationships they leave for ever work out?

[TheButterfly]

I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone who left someone else to be with me. Sure, i'd probably be flattered for a while, but there would always be the thought that they'd leave me the same way. I always think, if they really are that miserable in their current relationships, then why are they still in them.

 

It's on my mind because my bf of 3 years left me for someone else. He met her on a Sunday, and by Thursday that week he decided to leave me for her. She was also in a relationship at the time, 1 year. They both walked out on their partners to be together. They've been together 4 months now. I didn't think they'd last this long.

 

In your experiences, do these relationships work. Or ones like it? I'm just curious. I would have thought it doomed, but it's working?

[D_Lish]

I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with someone who left someone else to be with me. Sure, i'd probably be flattered for a while, but there would always be the thought that they'd leave me the same way. I always think, if they really are that miserable in their current relationships, then why are they still in them.

 

It's on my mind because my bf of 3 years left me for someone else. He met her on a Sunday, and by Thursday that week he decided to leave me for her. She was also in a relationship at the time, 1 year. They both walked out on their partners to be together. They've been together 4 months now. I didn't think they'd last this long.

 

In your experiences, do these relationships work. Or ones like it? I'm just curious. I would have thought it doomed, but it's working?

 

Course they work out! People leave people, for other people, all of the time. That is the way of relationships and it doesnt matter how long you have been together...they can leave you for someone else and be happier with them, than they were with you!

 

My husband left me and our daughter and after ten years, for another woman. A year later, he married her....five years later they are together still....so YES, they do and can work out.

[pinkelephant]

hardly seem fair, huh?

 

 

 

anyway, my ex left me for another girl. he ended up being discontent with her and started calling me and telling me he misses me and such. then they broke up. we got back together, but it didn't work out. i realized i deserve so much better and he so wasn't worth it (ugh, if only i knew then!!) i don't think it would be successful often, because the type of person that would always go fishing for another.

[klindeman72]

I am not sure how worthwhile this reply is coming from one so soon after the dissolution of my very own relationship. I have heard tell that 80% of all relationships that begin either "on the rebound" or that begin before the other relationship is over fail in roughly three to five months. That does not say to me that 100% of that 80% return to the previous relationship, just that those new relationships tend to dissolve soon after they are begun. I have also read in a few different areas on this very site that the chances are during the initial newness of their relationship that they will be very happy as most new relationships are, but that soon that will fade.

 

In my opinion I believe that last part. I am not saying that it is set in stone, but that it makes sense to me. Once the heady glow begins to fade, maybe they will begin to reminisce and they will seek you out again. I myself hope for that very thing.

 

The one thing that I am reading, and though it may not have yet sunk into my thick brainpan it does have a ring of truth and beauty to it is that it is okay to hope for whatever it is you wish for; like your ex coming to a realization that they can not live without you. You need to live your life for you, not for the hope that your ex will return. It also, in my opinion, would be nothing more than spite to hope that their relationship ends simply because you want your ex back.

 

The last thing I will leave you with is what I am taking from each message that I read. You are not alone in your fears, hopes, struggles, and tears. I feel your pain. I wish I could take it from you, just as I wish someone could take this from me. But as Captain Kirk once said to Sarik in I believe it was Star Trek The Undiscovered Country. "Do not take my pain. It is what defines me." Do not let the pain you feel define you, nor let spite, rage, jealousy, or vengeance guide you. Act in all ways with love because I have to believe, I need to believe that when love guides you, you will always arrive at a happy destination; regardless of if that destination is where you originally intended to go.

[cs90453]

Well said...love the Trek quote BTW...lol. It's natural to want the person who left you to feel as much pain as you...if nothing else, it helps get through the breakup. It's so tough to get past this but you will in time. Things start to get better and better after a while. My ex may be seeing the guy...maybe not. All I know is that I've used enough energy worrying about her and her decisions but they are her's to make now. I decided that I had to start worrying about me so that's what I did. Not saying that she's never in my thoughts but I don't just sit there and wonder anymore...that was driving me crazy.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, they can last.

 

I think you don't want it to last this long. You want him to realize his mistake and be regretful for walking out on you.

 

However....it's 4 months down the road, babe. He's moving on and you need to start not caring about what the heck he does!

 

 

btw, I agree with you. I would not be able to be in a relationship with someone who left their SO to me. I wouldn't be able to trust them....>_>

[lana111]

yes. i left my ex (for numerous reasons) three times. the last time it stuck bc there was someone i wanted to be with. however, this person was someone i knew for a while, it wasnt a stranger, and i was sure i was making the right decision. well its only been 9 months, but things have been wondeful.

 

i know what you mean about thinking they will do the same to you. i think my bf will think that im so undevoted that i could leave a relationship at the drop of a dime. i think (well i dont think it, but i mean i could) that he is the kind of guy who would pursue anyone, even if she is in a long term relationship. we discussed that at the beginning. i told him our relationship did not start off ideal but i was unhappy for quite a while and saw an opportunity i couldnt pass up.

 

and for the record, my ex was a great guy. just not the one.

[klindeman72]

I hear you. What you say sounds so much like what I think my ex must have felt, feels, and is doing with regards to my personal issue but from the opposite perspective that it pains me.

 

That is in my opinion the beauty of love. There really are no rules. Even when you encounter a rule that every other person runs into and is rebuffed does not in any way determine what happens in your circumstance.

 

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

[TheButterfly]

I suppose I needed to hear that they can work to let go. It wouldn't work for me, but it's not me is it.

 

It wasn't a bad relationship, he just thought the grass was greener. I just always heard that the grass is never greener. I can't believe it was love after only a few days. I suppose I can understand it could work with one person going behind their partners back, but both? Oh well.

 

I have some solace in knowing that although I'm not perfect, I wouldn't do that to someone else. I'd rather be alone than lead someone on while I waited for a replacement to come into view. Especially knowing that person was madly in love with me. They deserve eachother.

[littlestar]

I think every relationship and circumstance is unique and i believe some people are destined to be together.

[TheButterfly]

Yeah you're right, I don't want it to work. It broke my heart.

 

I love him enough to wish him happiness, but I can't bring myself to wish him happiness with her. I hate the i'll feeling I feel towards them, it eats me up. If he had just ended it, been single a while, then got with her, I could let it go. Being replaced overnight is the most awful feeling.

 

I would never touch someone else's boyfriend, I would never cheat on my own. I don't understand how there can be any respect or trust, and it hurts more, that a relationship lacking those basic things, was better than what we had. He never once said he was unhappy. He kept planning a future with me up until the day he confessed.

 

I feel like a complete fool, but I can't seem to stop loving him.

[LostInFlorida]

Wow. I hope the woman I am involved with, who is having all the guilt issues, gets to the point where she feels that way......

[Nearwater]

Misskitty, I am getting what you say about charecter, in my ex's case the lack of it.

 

My girlfriend left me 3 months ago for a guy 55 years old ( we are 45+47)

She works with him (another bad idea) dated him a few times then came to our town for a month, and just left to go there for the summer.

 

He is married with 3 kids and not divorced yet! It is just a fling for her but she threw away 3 great years together.

 

It cannot and will not work out, she has so many repressed feelings about us, when he figures it out he will drop her like a hot potatoe.

 

So, sometimes they work, if the two are ready for a relationship, and sometimes it is twisted rebound that will head south fast.

[lana111]

Wow. I hope the woman I am involved with, who is having all the guilt issues, gets to the point where she feels that way......

 

guilt issues? for leaving her ex to be with you?

[TheButterfly]

Urgh, I find myself thinking about them all the time. If i'm not torturing myself with thoughts of them 'together' i'm trying to work out if their relationship will survive.

 

It's awful. I have a feeling (intuition if you will) that it won't. But, they have both alienated their friends over it, so they'll either lean on eachother for support and get stronger, or, one will bail hating the new life and wanting the old simpler one back.

 

Which ever way it goes, I won't even know about it. But here I am obsessing!

 

I know I need to get a life, but no amount of distraction is stopping it. I hate that i still love him!

[thejigsup]

Many years ago, I had a bf I was deeply in love with leave me for a stripper. You can almost guess it wouldn't work out, right? Wrong. I ran into him ten years later and they were still together. Traveled extensively together around the world, several time as a matter of fact. I had let it go long before that meeting so I was happy he was happy. That is what love is all about, isn't it?

[blueeyedme]

Sure they do... 8 years ago I was madly in love and engaged to a woman who cheated, left and ultimately married her boss who was cheating on his wife. This just wrecked me for a long time. In fact I still have trust issues that I can trace back to that. Last I heard, still married and living large in Santa Cruz.

[beeter64]

I feel your pain. My fiance left me after 5 years for a coworker. They are still together and do not live far from me. It hurts like hell. I too hope they end up in misery but over time I have tried to concentrate more on my own life. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's been two years now and I'm much better but I still have days when I sit down and cry. Hard to believe after two years. I'm just sad he didn't turn out to be the person I though he was. Please know that you are not alone but the pain does get easier. Hang in there and good luck. Whatever you do.....don't take him back! You deserve better.