MyHeadIsAching Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Hello, I am very depressed today, and want to talk with smb about it. I am suicidal almost all my life. I would be glad, if only thoughts such as senselessness of existence were bothering me.. I would stand depression, misunderstanding and fear of death. I am even jealous of teenagers who are always complaining about their stupid problems.I like suicide-culture, I have been thinking of committing suicide since 12-13 years and I feel myself comfortable thinking about it I have never thought that suicide is not the right way and weak people kill themselves, all depends on situation. In many cases suicide is committed by people whose brains work well or they are too good for this awful world. And everything will be ok, and I wont be complaining, if I don’t have REAL problems. I don’t know how express all pain in few words, moreover it is hard also because English is not my native language and I am afraid my English is bad, but I will try. The first but not the main reason is that I have financial problems, in my country it is not the worst situation with money, luckily I am not homeless, but in any way I cant afford myself many usual things, for example I cant buy clothes I like, we bought a computer only last year( now it is my best friend), I even have no mp-3 player and video-camera, I cant spend time like I want. But it wouldn’t bother me very much, if I had good friends . But unfortunately, I have no. The main problem is that I have mental disorder( I am not sure if that is the right word combination)..My mind always plays tricks on me, I cant be myself, because I have to share my mind and body with another person I don’t like. I am so tired of this. For many years I got used to this, and it is easier to control myself know, but it is still very hard. I am so sorry that I have no person around me who could tell me what was going on with me during this time. Unfortunately I was alone in my pain/ I have very good parents and I love them but they were not clever enough to take me to psychologist in time. So my best time I spent fighting with myself. I forgot about my ambitions, ignored my friends. In result now I am alone, I lost all my chances to do things I like, I am nothing…. Link to comment
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