hard time getting her to cum

[happilytogether]

Ok so I have been with my girl for a little over a year. I have managed to get her to cum without her help only once in this whole time we have been together. usually I get her started and then she needs to help me out and she works her clit and I work her g-spot. of course we are both females, we are lesbians so. I feel bad because I can't get her to cum just by myself. Is this normal? any ideas out there for me? she does take a lot longer to cum then I do sometimes, 3-40 minutes to cum, I take like 3-4 minutes at the most. we've tried dildos, strap ons, and vibrators....I don't know what to do. anyone else have been thorugh this?

[Cognitive_Canine]

First of all, don't take it personally. It probably isn't something you are doing or not doing.

 

Is she the same age as you? Most women don't reach their sexual peak till the early or mid thirties. It's hard for some girls to cum till then.

 

Just keep doing things the way that you are doing, even if you need her help. It doesn't really matter how she gets there.

[Mavh25]

Can she not tell you where it feels good to her? its best to talk about it, if she's comfortable enough to do it herself, then maybe you could watch where and what she's doing and go from there? see what it is that you're doing differently.

[happilytogether]

she is actually older then me. Im 23 shes 38.

 

she can tell me what feels good but she isn't much of a moaner either. maybe Im just not doing it right, she says she enjoys it though.

[Cognitive_Canine]

maybe try talking dirty to her or some other form of stimulus to get her aroused. Have you tried bondage or maybe something rougher?

 

I know people who need those sorts of things.

 

And, as long as she is enjoying it, don't worry about it.

[gcollier2002]

Just from a man's perspective: My ex-fiance was the same way. She took an extra-long time to get off and it wasn't consistent. For a long time I felt like I was just not doing it right... turns out, I wasn't LOL. One day in the middle of the afternoon, I had came home to eat lunch from work and told her that I wasn't going to go back until she showed me exactly what felt the best. -It wasn't like I sat at a desk at the chalkboard or anything, but I did just take everything that she was doing into account and from that day forth we had some of the most mind-blowing sex. (not that it was bad beforehand; but I just wanted her to get off and feel as good as I did)

[Snoopy24]

First of all, don't take it personally. It probably isn't something you are doing or not doing.

 

Is she the same age as you? Most women don't reach their sexual peak till the early or mid thirties. It's hard for some girls to cum till then.

 

Just keep doing things the way that you are doing, even if you need her help. It doesn't really matter how she gets there.

 

This isn't true at all....

 

Yes, a womans sexual peak is usually in her early 30's..but a woman can orgasm at any age, just the same. Age has nothing to do with orgasms.

 

To the Op..why don't you tell her to guide your hand and have her show you what she wants. It is easier for someone to do it themselves, since they know their body. It doesn't mean you are bad at what you are doing..you just need to know the EXACT place and pressure to do it. Instead of doing what you normally do, like I said have her guide you, and try all different things until you get it.

[greywolf]

Ok so I have been with my girl for a little over a year. I have managed to get her to cum without her help only once in this whole time we have been together. usually I get her started and then she needs to help me out and she works her clit and I work her g-spot. of course we are both females, we are lesbians so. I feel bad because I can't get her to cum just by myself. Is this normal? any ideas out there for me? she does take a lot longer to cum then I do sometimes, 3-40 minutes to cum, I take like 3-4 minutes at the most. we've tried dildos, strap ons, and vibrators....I don't know what to do. anyone else have been thorugh this?

 

I had soooo much trouble with my gf in the beginning!! Have you ever tried just going down on her instead of touching her g-spot?

[happilytogether]

I have gone down on her and made sure she is wet enough, and it just isn't happening, I think I like the idea of having her guid me to what she wants and what feels good...how should I tell her though, like I don't want her to feel bad about it either.

[greywolf]

I have gone down on her and made sure she is wet enough, and it just isn't happening, I think I like the idea of having her guid me to what she wants and what feels good...how should I tell her though, like I don't want her to feel bad about it either.

 

Just ask her to tell her what feels good. But there's nothing wrong with you not being able to make her cum by herself. I think as long as she feels good and there's a good connection then it's fine. Sometimes I have to help my gf out too because there's just some days that I trouble orgasming. heheh

[Overburdened]

It takes me a long time to get off with someone, but if they are talking dirty to me and showing me how much they want me to, its much easier. When the other person expects it without putting in extra effort, it's uncomfortable. I need a guy who really likes to see me get off rather than someone who puts me down if I don't.

But when I masterbate.... it takes about 2 minutes and I'm done. I know what feels the best. (know what I mean?) haha.

 

I like to be kissed when I'm getting off or caressed....

[happilytogether]

well I don't make her feel bad, and we just enjoy what we get however I would like her to feel good and let me get her to reach without her having to do any of it. she said that her past relationships have always been the same. I spend a lot of time down there too...she feels bada for me but i enjoy it....and she knows it

[unabashed]

umm.

 

Different people like it different ways--sometimes it takes some experimentation to see if she might respond more easily to one kind of stimulation or another. Maybe lots of foreplay would help set the stage. Toys, erotica, movies? Everyone is different. Depending upon actual anatomy, some people have an easier time than others. Certain positions help in those cases. If someone is on certain medications, such as anti-depressants, their sexual feelings can be blunted, and coming may not even be possible without a lot of work. Same if someone is depressed, tired, or drunk. There is nothing wrong or unusual in both of you providing stimulation--it can make it much more intense and enjoyable. Instead of seeing it as something wrong, you could view it as really enhancing her experience. Good luck!

[Lucy__lou]

can she get off by herself? or with previous girlfriend's/lovers? have you asked her what gets her off? If she can't even get herself off, then it's going to be a lot harder for you to help her get off. She really needs to know her own sexual response tendencies, and her biggest turn ons, and to communicate them with you, I think.

[lukeb]

If it starts to become a chore and an issue in the relationship, I think that in itself can be the biggest problem. I really believe your sex organ isn't between your legs but its really in your head. Questions about does he/she find me attractive?, and I not enough for him/her?, can have a huge impact on reaching orgasm. The worst teacher out there on what sex should be like is pornography. Its not important to neccesarily orgasm at the same time or neccesarily for both to orgasm all the time.