Started Limited Contact

[IMAbadman]

My EX and I broke up about 5-6 weeks ago. Very strange break-up, she comes over says we're going in different directions. She can't do this anymore... and she's lost her giddiness. I asked her to sit down and talk, thinking she'll cop a squat on the couch. She sits on my lap hugs and kisses me and talks for a several minutes tells me how she cares about me and of course lots of crying. I found this rather strange for a break up.

 

Full story:

 

I didn’t beg or plead. I remained very calm and collected during our brief conversation and I said this isn’t what I wanted and that I care about her. She said she cares about me, wants us to be friends but knows I won’t allow that. I initiate no contact.

 

Fast forward to yesterday. On my way to work we pass by each other we wave and smile. I'm thinking this as an opportunity to initiate limited contact so I shot her a text later that morning, "I've been thinking about you. I miss you so very much. I strongly feel that we both want the same things and are moving in the same direction. Talk??" By this time it was about 8:30 AM. She works 3rd shift so she was probably in bed right about then.

 

Around 1:30 PM I get a message back, "Hi xxxx. Sure we can talk sometime. yyyyyy"

 

Now I'm thinking I just opened my heart to this woman and reached out to her. I thought her message was a cop out. A blow off. My sis says to set it up with her, go talk with her and the worst that'll happen you'll get closure. You won't have to wonder if you did everything possible to reconcile and can move on with that in mind. Sis said who knows maybe she feels the same as you and wants to get together just as bad but has her guard up too.

 

So does anyone have any thoughts for me?

 

And yes, I would like to get back togther with her thus why I'm posting in "Getting Back Together".

 

As far as where I'm at emotionally... actually doing quite well. I can take her or leave her.

 

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and comments.

[deang]

I think you went overboard with the text...remember no pressure is good. I think you don't set anything up and wait to hear from her again 5-6 weeks is not a whole lot of time though it seems like it to us. I vote back off right now. I think you revealed your hand too soon. If you set this up she knows you want to talk relationship and will have her defenses up. If you are ready to move on then go ahead but if not you might want to let this go for awhile.

[ycmanvs]

Things are still pretty fresh for both of you. If you want to talk to her in person, then you should be prepared for all possible outcomes....and all emotions.

[IMAbadman]

I think you went overboard with the text...

I think you revealed your hand too soon. If you set this up she knows you want to talk relationship and will have her defenses up. If you are ready to move on then go ahead but if not you might want to let this go for awhile.

 

Thought about that too... I although once I hit send I was commited. I haven't responded yet. Don't know know how I will or that I will.

 

Personally I put myself out there to talk with her, it my choice for good or bad. What I'm trying to say is if I do not talk after she says, "Sure we can talk sometime" I'm just being an a$$ at that point.

[IMAbadman]

Things are still pretty fresh for both of you. If you want to talk to her in person, then you should be prepared for all possible outcomes....and all emotions.

 

I don't feel this would be a problem for me. Although one never knows how they'll act on the field until the battle has begun.

[Scorpion Fury]

I agree that the text was overboard, but I think your sister is right. Closure might be just what you need.

 

I don't think you should get your hopes up. you were with this chick for almost three years if I'm remembering your previous post correctly. And it sounds like after that amount of time, she wouldn't fully commit to you. It sounded like she wanted to keep her options open. Which tells me she didn't think you were the one for her. After almost three years, she said in the future you can "date"?? Isn't that what you've been doing all this time? And I'd like to think after a few years, it's quite a bit more serious than "dating".

 

Meet up with ehr, but prepare yourself for the worst. And don't let her walk all over you.

[james_sx11]

Save yourself the heartache here... wait till she gets in touch with you to arrange to meet up. She sounds confused. You need to make it perfectly clear in your actions you're walking away (wether you are or your not - call her bluff). She'll either come chasing or she won't - either way you get your answer without putting yourself in the firing line.

[IMAbadman]

Save yourself the heartache here... wait till she gets in touch with you to arrange to meet up. She sounds confused. You need to make it perfectly clear in your actions you're walking away (wether you are or your not - call her bluff). She'll either come chasing or she won't - either way you get your answer without putting yourself in the firing line.

 

Don't you think that if I don't respond to her after asking her to talk and she says "Sure..." that I'm just being childish?

[ycmanvs]

Don't you think that if I don't respond to her after asking her to talk and she says "Sure..." that I'm just being childish?

 

What do you want to get out of talking to her?

 

1. Get back together

 

2. Just be friends

 

3. Curiosity

 

It all depends of what your ultimate goal is.

[james_sx11]

No. If she wanted to talk she would have said a time and place. IF she really wanted you she'd make sure she'd arraneg it - think about if the shoe was on the other foot.. and she texted you what you said... what would your reply be?

 

"Sure we can talk sometime." ... thats a blowout right there. I may be wrong...

 

I bet if you suggest a time and place she's "busy".

 

I dunno - tread carefully here. You've already given away what your intentions are...

 

Do you really want her back? If so you really need to play it cool from now.

[Clabs]

Hey IAMabadman

 

I agree with James - that "sure we can talk some time" is a blowoff.

 

Step right back from this mate - see if she comes to you first. There is not much else you can do at this stage.

 

Mark

[IMAbadman]

I agree that the text was overboard, but I think your sister is right. Closure might be just what you need.

 

I don't think you should get your hopes up. you were with this chick for almost three years if I'm remembering your previous post correctly. And it sounds like after that amount of time, she wouldn't fully commit to you. It sounded like she wanted to keep her options open. Which tells me she didn't think you were the one for her. After almost three years, she said in the future you can "date"?? Isn't that what you've been doing all this time? And I'd like to think after a few years, it's quite a bit more serious than "dating".

 

Meet up with ehr, but prepare yourself for the worst. And don't let her walk all over you.

 

Yes, you are correct. I wanted her to move in and from there we consider even greater commitment (marriage). When I asked where she saw us in the future she said we can date. I was not OK with that answer and I made it known. If she chose to move away, only 20 miles, I wasn't sure that I would be with her as I felt that there was no commitment. Two weeks later I got the, "We're going in different directions..." speach.

[mrromantic]

I don't think you should respond. She responded, and it was vague. I'm sure that you didn't want that response...and do you really think there's anything else you can say to get the response you wanted?

[IMAbadman]

I don't think you should respond. She responded, and it was vague. I'm sure that you didn't want that response...and do you really think there's anything else you can say to get the response you wanted?

 

I was looking for one of two things;

 

1. Closure. I don't think it going to work. It's a dead horse, leave it lie.

 

2. Yeah... let's talk. Something with a bit of excitement rather than, "Sure we can talk sometime."

[deang]

I don't think you'll look like you are blowing her off at all. You didn't make a firm date and she didn't give you an enthusiastic reply. Relax...I'm trying to tell myself the same thing...just relax...they need space and it might be a long time but what's a few months or even a year of playing it cool compared to maybe getting your girl back for the long term. During this time you can become stronger as a person and she can start to see you in a different light as a strong desireable man that she should want.

 

I am thinking it's going to be either a minimum of 6mo before my ex will start letting go of who I was and see me for who I am or will be then. I think it can get to the point of where you can do it earlier but you have to be in the mindset that whatever she says to you won't bother you and that you are confident enough to say whatever and be ok that she might not like it and not talk to you for awhile. Your words to her would have to indirectly say "I'm over you but you still have a little interest to me but I don't care one way or the other". This takes one strong dude to do this. It's basically how I talk to other women now and I can't imagine talking to my ex the same way now but maybe in a few months I will be able to but then in a few months I hopefully really won't care.

 

My motto is the longer you are in NC the stronger you get and the weaker her negative feelings for you get. There's always the possibility that she finds someone else but then again if she doesn't that works in your favor because she will then be thinking about how great you were. It's a risk...but it's a risk you must take you don't have much of a choice...either burn her out or let her go for awhile.

 

Closure is overrated...that comes from you...you can't really know if she is being nice because she still cares about you or she's being mean just so you leave her alone...I've had a couple ex's tell me they thought we'd be back together. One I kept bugging and she never came back...one it took years but she came back and I was over her. You never know how these things will work out so what I'm saying is that what you hear from her might not mean anything 6mo, 2 years or whatever down the road.

[IMAbadman]

Well I just typed in a text to her.

 

"I made a mistake contacting you. Our feelings are differrent. I want something you're not willing to provide me. I have my closure. It's time I let go & move on."

 

My finger is on the send button. One click and I have fully let go...

[ycmanvs]

Well I just typed in a text to her.

 

"I made a mistake contacting you. Our feelings are differrent. I want something you're not willing to provide me. I have my closure. It's time I let go & move on."

 

My finger is on the send button. One click and I have fully let go...

 

That sounds about right. Do not expect an answer, and even if you get one, I suggest No Contact from now on.

[GoldenHillGuy]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.........don't send it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[GoldenHillGuy]

Your ex does not need to know you're letting go. Let your actions show it. I wouldn't send that text. It shows you're still vulnerable. Let it go!!!!!

[mrromantic]

Think about this. Don't send it yet. Come on man. Wait a second, you may end up regretting it.

[Clabs]

Badman - DON'T SEND IT MATE.

[deang]

I know this might make you feel a little better but I think you should not send this for a few days and rethink of what you hope to accomplish...she already knows you want her back and she knows she could have you back...this text though you say you are done might actually reinforce to her that you actually aren't. Someone who is done with someone usually doesn't care to write them anything. Show her you are over her by not texting anything. I think that is more effective than attempting to get closure. If I got that text from someone I dumped I might get a small panicky feeling then I'd say I could get them back if I wanted or I'd call up and get you to still want me then I'd be distant again so I could have you sitting there as my backup. The longer I don't get anything the longer I wonder what the heck you are up to. This is one reason I deleted my myspace...I think she checks it once in awhile and I didn't want her knowing what I'm doing. She can wonder and the more she wonders the more she'll be thinking about me. Be mysterious! Be a challenge!

[GoldenHillGuy]

One word of advice. Not that I'm that qualified to give advice on these matters, but.......

 

If you want to meet to talk, YOU MUST set a date and time. I did this with my ex. She said she would confirm before the day we were to meet. She never confirmed. The day of the meeting, she called. I told her I had already made plans because I expected to hear from her before that day. She was speachless! Tried making excuses, asking to meet later in the week, bla bla bla. With women, exes or not, you need to be the decision maker. You should've felt her out a bit more, then set a time to meet. If she didn't want to go, she would tell you. Leaving it up to her when to meet wasn't a good move. Anyways, move forward

[IMAbadman]

So be it my new found Virtual Friends. I will not send this text, for now.

 

I’ll just wait to see if I hear from her. I don’t expect I will. I’m starting to think I’m reading into this text from her waaaayyyyy too much. I can take that as her blowing me off and being vague or that she's honestly interested in talking with me.

 

GoldenHillGuy – You have an excellent point. I could always respond and say let’s meet here at this time. Or I’ll phone you at this time.

[ycmanvs]

So be it my new found Virtual Friends. I will not send this text, for now.

 

I’ll just wait to see if I hear from her. I don’t expect I will. I’m starting to think I’m reading into this text from her waaaayyyyy too much.

 

GoldenHillGuy – You have an excellent point. I could always respond and say let’s meet here at this time. Or I’ll phone you at this time.

 

You still have not told us what you expect to gain from continued contact with her.