wannabeboosted Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Okay so after about 2 months or so she ended up leaving her rebound and contacted me... so my plan of NC and LC worked for the most part... we are not officially back together but she acts like it when we are together... I dont want to make it seem like I am excited I am just trying so hard to play it cool... So the last text I got from her yesterday was around noon... I know she got off late and i went to bed early so no big deal... Its only been a couple of days that we have been spending significantly more time together... I just feel like though she tells me I am so important and I am so perfect and blah blah blah... I feel like her actions are in a sense contradicting what she is saying... Maybe I am reading too much into this but I just want to know that she wants to be with me again.... Link to comment
bepositive Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Many on the forum are far wiser than I in this regard, but you might have to have a sit-down with her to hash out exactly what is going on. Don't do it in a mean or ultimatum sense, but just tell her that you need to know exactly what her intentions are. As some of the "pros" in the forums have mentioned, it's best to view it as a new relationship, let her earn her way back into your heart (and for whatever reason, you may have to earn your way back as well, but that's usually through working on yourself during NC). Anyone else? Concur or oppose? Link to comment
Whiskers Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Did she leave her rebound for you or did she rebound off him and onto you. If she wants you back then she should at least have to work for some of it...take it slow, protect yourself. XXXX I concur! Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 Did she leave her rebound for you or did she rebound off him and onto you. If she wants you back then she should at least have to work for some of it...take it slow, protect yourself. XXXX I concur! Okay she has told me that she left the rebound because there were no sparks there... though he was a nice guy... she says that everything they did together she would always think about me or compare it to the way I did and that it just didnt match up to me... We are not officially together... and I dont think we will be anytime soon since she had no opportunity to get over the old relationship or heal from that... I really want things to work this time so I am trying so hard to give her space and to let her heal and work on her flaws while gaining my trust back with her... Just the past day or so I have felt kind of lonely and I miss her touch Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Take is slow Drummer and keep your guard up. Sounds like she may have a mean right hook. Take it slow and one day at a time. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I agree with the other posters. Do not bring up heavy subjects. Keep things light for awhile. She needs to warm up to you again and more importantly, she needs to earn your trust and respect back. Keep things light with her and see what happens in the future. Good lucK! Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 I agree with the other posters. Do not bring up heavy subjects. Keep things light for awhile. She needs to warm up to you again and more importantly, she needs to earn your trust and respect back. Keep things light with her and see what happens in the future. Good lucK! Should i bring up the fact that since the other night I feel like she is getting more distant? Link to comment
Whiskers Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 You're giving her space...she's pulling away...and what about you? You're there for her, you're waitng and you run the risk of being left behind. XXXX Link to comment
thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 No. Just let things be. I made the same mistake in the past by bringing up the relationship or why she acted certain ways. By you bringing it up, it'll just make her feel more pressure. And pressure is the last thing we want to put on an ex. Just let it go. Who knows why she was being distant. Maybe she was tired. Just be cool with it when you see her. Keep conversation light. Don't focus too much on the past. It's done and you just have to move forward Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Should i bring up the fact that since the other night I feel like she is getting more distant? NO! That's not keeping it lite. Build the attraction... fun, playful... Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 No. Just let things be. I made the same mistake in the past by bringing up the relationship or why she acted certain ways. By you bringing it up, it'll just make her feel more pressure. And pressure is the last thing we want to put on an ex. Just let it go. Who knows why she was being distant. Maybe she was tired. Just be cool with it when you see her. Keep conversation light. Don't focus too much on the past. It's done and you just have to move forward Will do... one last thing... she seems to focus alot on the past and always brings it up... Like the other day she found the letter I wrote to her kind of a farewell... this was before she had come back... She said why couldnt you have said that before... and she always says she wishes it wouldnt have taken this for me to realize what I have... I tell her I am glad we went through this because I love you 10 times as much ... and in the end it will make us stronger people and a stronger couple... and that we cant change the past we can only change the future... Its so hard to keep things light and sit back and chill... I am doing my best but i just want to ask her to marry me to be honest... Link to comment
thekid55 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I would keep the "I love yous" to a minimum for now. You guys just got back into this. From what you posted, it seems like she left you. So she should be realizing what she has. No vice versa. Just keep things funny, upbeat. Tease her. Go out and do fun things. Do things that you might not have done together in the past. Slowly rebuild that attraction! I'm sure that it's already there, but just capitalize on it now! Link to comment
deang Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 back up...be strong...tell yourself that you are in control of your emotions and that she has to earn you. Don't bring up the past and don't apologize. It will only validate her feelings and empower her to ditch you again. You've already said what needs to be said so now just let it work for you. Back up and relax...chasing her away won't help so you just have to relax and show her how much of a catch you think you are when you see her....you have to change the dynamic from her thinking about wanting to be with you to her wondering why you aren't totally all over her trying to get her and what she needs to do to get you to chase her. Link to comment
wannabeboosted Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 back up...be strong...tell yourself that you are in control of your emotions and that she has to earn you. Don't bring up the past and don't apologize. It will only validate her feelings and empower her to ditch you again. You've already said what needs to be said so now just let it work for you. Back up and relax...chasing her away won't help so you just have to relax and show her how much of a catch you think you are when you see her....you have to change the dynamic from her thinking about wanting to be with you to her wondering why you aren't totally all over her trying to get her and what she needs to do to get you to chase her. okay so she has made it very clear she does not want to date anyone right now.. she just wants to get her life back in order and work on herself for a while.. good plan on her part I guess... However I talked with her a little today about it to kinda lay down some ground rules.. and like 3 times during the conversation she said that if I were to work on a relationship with anyone it would be you... dont know what to make of this but a little insight would be helpful... so Im going LC right now... and only if she contacts me... I told her that if she just wants to be friends right now that was fine but no more sex and she has stopped saying I love you also... but that at some point I was looking for reconciliation... Im done talking about a relationship with her... I am not going to put my life on hold... We are going to take her nephew out on saturday and I am going to play it cool... keep all conversation away from us as a couple... Not bringing "us" up anymore... until I hear those words that she wants to get back together... this is so frustrating... someone give me a little pep talk on what I should be doing or not doing for that matter.. though I think Im on the right track... thanks all in advance Link to comment
deang Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I had an ex say all that to me...notice I've had a lot of ex's lol but the point is that at 36 I'm finally trying to do things correctly so I'm not repeating mistakes of the past. She is going by what she feels which may be what she thinks today but not tomorrow or the next day. The same thing will happen to you and you'll change your mind about how you feel. The trick her is not getting caught up in that conversation and trying to read too much into it. The bottom line is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you right now so just keep NC on your side of things and work on making yourself happy without her in her life. Link to comment
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