cchurting Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Hi everyone- I am having a rough time lately. Background of my current relationship: Got together when we were 19, now in our mid twenties. Broke up 2 years ago, for 2 months (his idea, but we were fighting). We shared a home but then he moved out after the breakup. Also while we were broke up, he had sex with someone else a few times. I didn’t find out about it until a few months later- from a friend. That was the worse bombshell and so painful, despite the fact we were broke up, maybe because I didn't do the same. I am not sure what hurt worse: being left in the dark about it or the actual act itself. Today: We are back together obviously, but haven’t lived together since the ‘break’. We have now signed a long term lease for a new place together, and I’m freaking out. All the old, painful feelings have come flooding back. I can’t say I’m fully healed from the initial breakup. The feelings of “how could he leave me at one point and truly love me now?” run through my mind every once in awhile. I trust him completely not to cheat and such, but since he wasn’t exactly upfront about his “rebound”, I have this horrible fear that I will be dealt another bombshell from the past. Sometimes I snoop to make sure he is being honest. I know I’m bad! The only other trust issue we have encountered since is me discovering porn on my computer, and him denying it. I later showed him the evidence before he would fess up. Sometimes I wonder if it is something I do that makes him fearful to tell me things. But sometimes, I think “why the heck am I with someone that does that to me??” Like I said, I’m freaking out a little bit here. I think living together is a sign of commitment and is making me think twice if he is really the right guy for me. Any perspective is helpful, thanks. Link to comment
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