Moving in together again: History with bf and trust issues

[cchurting]

Hi everyone-

 

I am having a rough time lately.

 

Background of my current relationship: Got together when we were 19, now in our mid twenties. Broke up 2 years ago, for 2 months (his idea, but we were fighting). We shared a home but then he moved out after the breakup. Also while we were broke up, he had sex with someone else a few times. I didn’t find out about it until a few months later- from a friend. That was the worse bombshell and so painful, despite the fact we were broke up, maybe because I didn't do the same. I am not sure what hurt worse: being left in the dark about it or the actual act itself.

 

Today: We are back together obviously, but haven’t lived together since the ‘break’. We have now signed a long term lease for a new place together, and I’m freaking out. All the old, painful feelings have come flooding back.

 

I can’t say I’m fully healed from the initial breakup. The feelings of “how could he leave me at one point and truly love me now?” run through my mind every once in awhile. I trust him completely not to cheat and such, but since he wasn’t exactly upfront about his “rebound”, I have this horrible fear that I will be dealt another bombshell from the past. Sometimes I snoop to make sure he is being honest. I know I’m bad!

 

The only other trust issue we have encountered since is me discovering porn on my computer, and him denying it. I later showed him the evidence before he would fess up.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it is something I do that makes him fearful to tell me things. But sometimes, I think “why the heck am I with someone that does that to me??”

 

Like I said, I’m freaking out a little bit here. I think living together is a sign of commitment and is making me think twice if he is really the right guy for me.

 

Any perspective is helpful, thanks.

[duppy_conqueror]

if in doubt, dont - ophrah. yup its good advice.

[Whiskers]

too true, duppy_conqueror has a very good point and for most of my life I have lived by that (worked for me)

XXXX

[loulee]

I am in a similar situation and moved in with my ex 2years ago.we previously had a 5 year relationship but didnt live together and were over for 6mths in between. I just found out a few weeks back that the "some Girl" he supposedly didint know that he slept with twice while we apart is or I should say was a "girlfriend" of mine. im devastated as our relationship is great otherwise and I thought we had a fresh honest start...i found out for myself with gut instinct after he had ran into her down the street and hadnt mentioned it. I have been going out several times over recent months with this girlfriend also..Unbelievable....I know in my heart he loves me I truly do and my advice is to go with your gut. think with your head and not your heart..Is it just fear of losing him that makes you question his real intentions. Dont over analyse everything like us women tend to do. he sounds genuine and the porn thing... MOST men deny it because they are simply to embarrassed to explain themselves to their girlfriend but in reality it means so little to them..We have dealt with that also let it go..Trust is never guarenteed it is earnt and it grows within a relationship..treat your relationship now like it is your first time together..its not easy but get focused and it can be much easier and take one day at a time and live it well.