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Completely devastated.


Dans
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I stopped writing, painting, and have lied to my uncle so I don't have to go to school.

 

I was sexually abused for five years (9-13). I lived with my mother at the time and her boyfried. After they got married he began taking me to his room. I didn't understand anything. My mom knew about this. She had walked in while he was on top of me and didn't do anything about it. Nothing. She turned, closed the door, and walked away. I was only 11 at the time and she knew.

 

When I turned 13 I finally had the courage to tell someone, one of my friends. I was at his house playing a board game when I finally told him what was going on. He then told his parents. They had a talk with my parents as soon as they found out.

 

He denied it, and my mom rarely said anything. After a few months in court and having to stay somewhere else, I was finally moved to my uncle's house.

 

I've been living there since and been pretty normal. It never bothered me. I'd go to school, do my homework and go out. Just like any other regular person. It's been a few weeks since I turned 16, and it struct me. I've been breaking down in tears for no apparent reason. Sometimes I won't even leave my room. My uncle thinks I hate him now, but I don't. I love him for being so great and bringing me up, but I can't even talk to him about it. Maybe I do need help, but I'm so scared and embarrassed, I feel ashamed. I can't even type this out without trembling.

 

I can't get near anyone. I can't even kiss a girl. I don't understand myself. I'm depressed, but not suicidal. And even if I were, I'd be too much of a coward to go through with it.

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Man, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. To me, there is no greater crime than that which is done to a child. Understand though, this is not your fault, and I imagine what you are going through is normal considering what you have gone through, and I'd probably feel the same way.

 

First and foremost, don't shut your uncle out. I know something may be hard to talk about, but the fact that he is there says something about his character.

 

Second, talk to someone. The longer you surpress this, and feel you can't get close to someone, the harder it will be to get out of this hole. You could very well have to deal with what happened to you your whole life, but you can limit it's impact on your everyday life and the relationships you have with other people. You can't let this ruin your future.

 

Don't be ashamed by this or feel anything is your fault, or that something is wrong with you. Unfortunately, this *lots of profanity* took something from you and you'll have to rebuild part of yourself. You'll get through this and live a normal life if that is what you want to do, but you may need to spend some time talking about it.

 

I am glad you don't have the 'guts' to go through with suicide. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't let this jerk get the best of you. This wasn't your fault.

 

Keep your chin up. I am wishing you the best of luck.

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You'd be surprised how understanding and compassionate some of your family can be. The trust issue is extremely difficult for you to deal with though. I must be really difficult for you to trust another parental figure after what you've been through.

 

Start small, and work up to bigger things with your uncle. Don't feel you need to break into the major issues all at once. Start out by telling your uncle you don't hate him, let him know what you told us, that you're thankful for him for being there for you when you needed it.

 

You're entering a very tough time of your life as it is. The process of growing into an adult is difficult for many people as it is. I'd suggest maybe you talk to your uncle about some of the issues to do with that, if you can, as they're new things that come up, and maybe don't carry the burden of time so heavily.

 

If not, (or even if you do talk to your uncle, or another friend or family member) keep in mind you can always talk to us.

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Feeling ashamed is normal. A lot of people who are abused feel this way, as if it was their fault or that people will look down on them because of it.

 

What you have to remember is that you were a child and the person who did this to you was in a position of trust. You were victimized and you had no control over the situation.

 

It's sad that your mother did nothing and it's important that your Uncle understand what you're going through. You don't have to tell him. Instead, you should talk to a counsellor at school and start to see someone about how you feel. Then get the counsellor to talk to your uncle - that way you don't have to say the words and he will have a chance to help you as well.

 

Don't allow yourself to stay a victim by not coming to terms with this. Unless you do, it will haunt you your entire life until you make peace with it.

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I feel for you, I really feel in my heart for you. I want to tell you that i too was molested, actually I was more then Molested i was raped for 4 years out of my life. The big difference between you and I is that your mother knew and didnt do anything. My parents were too stoned to notice. I feel deeply for you, I too went through a stage of "Why me" ...or "why can't I be normal" I knew that It was my fault. But then I woke up and realized that I was a good kid, i was not a trouble maker, and no bad grades in the world should allow a man to take advantage of a child. Or a woman take advantage of a child. I'm impressed with you, because at your young age, you came out here and admitted that you feel bad, and that you have been crying. I was 16 when it stopped and I went into deep seclusion. I want to tell you what helped me. I know your younger then I am, I'm 23 but this is what helped me, this is what is theraputic for me. At the age of 18 I started a campaign for girls like me. This only lasted for two years, because then after i did that, I went broke doing other things, that fell through, but when i did that, I helped so many women get help. I was in shock at how many women go through what you and me have gone through. I mean literal shock. But helping others realize it was not there fault, and they are not dirty, and that its not even there problem, its the other person with the sickness. That is what helps me. SO many of these girls described word for word what you said, "My mother knew" . This used to break my heart. This hurt me so bad, to know that a mother, or a father could turn there backon there own flesh and blood, but it happens. SOmetimes the mother will deny what she saw. She will deny it because she too might have been molested and didnt tell, or she just might not have the mental strength to deal with this creep for what he did. I am glad you are with your Uncle, a Real man who can help you through this. I would never give up on taking that guy to court. He needs to pay for what he did to you. And to be honest with you (its up to you) I would take my mother to court. She needs to face what she allowed to happen to you. I will pray for you, because I know how you feel, and i know what you are going through. I can walk you step by step untilyou get to where you can do it on your own. Pm me, I will always be here for you. "I UNDERSTAND" believe me..i really do.

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Dans I'm so sorry,

 

I just re read your post and found out that you are a man? If so , it still doesnt change what I said..I can help you..I can still help you through this. My campaign was not only for women. A lot of men convince there selves that they are gay...I did my research and I tell you, about 40percent were molested by men. Sweetheart...I am here for you...and don't be afraid to tell me anything. I mean it. i can even teach you a strategy to talk this out with your uncle with out you feeling too vulnerable..ok

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Thank you so much, all of you.

 

I couldn't take anybody to court right now. I'm not strong enough to go through all of that again. Maybe later on, when I build up more courage. Right now I should just get help. When court was over, my mother went home. The guy that did this to me was in jail for a month, I think. I had to see a therapist, but nothing changed. I didn't know why. I didn't understand what was really going on. I guess I'd been going through it for so long that I just accepted it. After the whole experience I carried on and it never really went in my head. It's just recently that it hit me pretty hard and all of these feelings came in, it was too much to handle.

 

Sometimes on the weekends I'll talk to my mom on the phone. She's still the same, she sounds the same. After the guy got out of jail, she took him in. They're still together, and that really hurts me. I can't help but to feel so mad. What he did was wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. After seeing what happened I just don't think I can really confront him and go through the whole court process again. I've been depressed because of this, can't sleep either. I just hate myself for being so insecure.

 

My uncle's always told me that I could talk to him about this whenever I felt bad, but I never have. I know he's noticed the way I've been acting... I'm going to talk to him about it tonight when he gets home from work. I know I can do that, I can always talk to him about anything. He's an amazing person.

 

And yeah, I'm a guy. My name's Daniel, but call me Dan.

 

Thanks again. It means a lot, really.

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  • 1 month later...

Get help. If you can talk with your uncle who seems to love you a lot. Dont feel ashamed. It was your father who should be, and should be punished for what hes done. Child abuse I feel is one of the worst things done. Hold your head high and do what makes you happy. Start painting again, take up new things that could potentially be fun. See if you can get to a psychologist, or doctor, talk with good friends or family who you can trust and feel comfortable with. Good luck, we're here for you.

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