I am happy with absolutely nothing in my life.

[Amore]

I've been feeling pretty down lately, I just finished my first year of college and I'm home for a long summer. I decided that to help put myself in a better mood, I'd write down all the blessings and good things in my life.

 

And I just completely drew a blank.

 

My academics used to be the one thing that set me apart from everyone else. I was a straight A student all throughout high school, but after my boyfriend dumped me last semester, my grades took a hit. I couldn't even complete the semester (I was given an incomplete in the class that my ex and I took together) and thus was knocked from the Dean's List, and shattered all hopes of me renewing my scholarship from last year. Also, it's completely after the fact, but I was accepted to my dream Ivy League school last year, and offered a research fellowship at said school, but declined their admissions offer to be at a state school with my now ex. I sacrificed that and now am regretting it immensely.

 

Financially, I am completely dependent on my parents. I've attempted to find a part-time job in my town while I'm home from the summer, but few stores/businesses have positions open solely for the summer, and those that did already hired. Previously to this summer, I didn't feel weird about my parents financially supporting me - after all, I worked my butt off to receive a free ride for my first year at college, and was saving them thousands of dollars through that hard work. However, now that I don't have that scholarship next year, I feel terrible, and worthless, like I'm just sucking their money away.

 

Socially, I've drifted apart from all of my friends from high school. We share no similar interests anymore, all they talk about is drinking and such and I have no desire to partake in such activities. I've hung out with my high school friends twice this summer, although I left early both times because I felt awkward and out of place. I truly have not a single friend here.

 

Physically, I really despise how I look. I've always had a poor body image, although it's something I've been working on. When my ex dumped me, one positive result was that I've been getting in shape, which makes me feel good, but I still can't say that I actually like any part of my body.

 

I'm just horribly depressed and don't even know where to start. The worst part is that I really don't have anything to be upset about - I didn't have a horrible childhood, my parents are still together, no one abuses me, etc. - I feel like I have no right to be depressed.

[floating_away]

You have every right to be depressed, but at least you're able to put it into perspective. It's easy to forget about some of things you take for granted in your life, which could easily be put on your blessings list. Things like loving parents and good health. It takes a lot of effort to stop focusing on the bad things in your life, I use most of energy every day trying to do that.

 

As for feeling like you're too financially dependent on your family, and not being able to find a job, you can always parlay this into something useful. Try volunteering for instance, and use it as an opportunity to help others. You can meet some great people this way too. I hope you are better at making new friends than I am.

 

I hope you've learned something about relationships. Your other life choices, such as where to go to school, should be made with the knowledge that relationships are usually not meant to last. Of course, being in the situation is a lot different than commenting on it from a distance, but I hope it makes you think next time.

 

Best of luck, and I hope you're able to pull through in time to enjoy some of your summer.

[Whiskers]

Have you though about a complete change? Studying in another country? Working in another country? Finding yourself again?

Not so much running away but offering a something for a year or so that will occupy you and challenge you?

Maybe you need to find your niche, somewhere you fit. Think about what it is you want, or what you wouldn't mind trying. Maybe some people on here could point you in a new direction or somewhere fresh.

Your ex is probably not thinking about any of this, you obviously deserve better and while you're in a slump right now, I believe you still have a bright future ahead of you. Afterall you worked hard to get into that college and you can work hard again...

You've a different path now.

If you need to talk, or generally rant you can do that here and people here could help. Offer you the understanding and friendship you feel you are lacking.

You're better than this.

XXXX

[SadMan]

Dont worry. Your life sounds pretty normal.

 

You just broke up with your BF, so you feel like the world is no longer a happy place.

 

My ex broke up with me of 5 years during our last 2 quarters of our college years during FINALS week........ boy was I devastated. I didnt even take my finals and Failed the classes.

 

What you are going through your brain is normal.

 

Once I start accecpting that whats over is over, I start to set new goals for myself and the clouds will eventually clear.

 

Just dont let this prolong. Move on, I know its hard to do what is easy for everyone to say but once you start moving on from your ex and start new goals, you will be much happier than you are now.

 

Set new goals for yourself. Going to classess can meet a lot of cute guys and who knows? You may find your new SO in one of those classes.

 

You are still very young and a great life is waiting ahead of you.