insecurity

[b11]

i have just recently had a re-emergence of insecurity, and would like advice on how to deal with it.

 

background-

i was in a relationship for two years, and looking back on it i realize many of my actions were driven by insecurity. after that relationship ended, i spent a long time building up my self-confidence and becoming happy being alone. it took a few months, but i was happy with who i was and where i was in my life. i then became involved with a girl who is just the best: honest, funny, caring, confident, etc etc. you get the idea.

 

so now, she is in the middle of a month long trip overseas. i have no reason to doubt her or our relationship, but all of a sudden i've found myself doing the same insecure things: asking her if i should be worried when she doesn't want to talk to me every day, feeling weird when she tells me about her male roommate, etc. this was not an issue before she left.

 

well, i've recognized these feelings and will no longer let them affect my actions. i'm also pretty confident that i can not seem so insecure when talking to her, so by the time i get back she'll be coming home to a confident, upbeat boyfriend instead of the insecure one.

 

i'm doing the whole self-talk thing, "there's no reason to feel this way, you'll be fine, she'll be back soon," etc. my mindset has changed, but the feelings are still there.

 

any advice? similar experiences? thanks in advance.

[j0shua]

insecurity sucks. you want re-assurance, but it can drive people away. a month long trip so far away is grounds for a little nervousness on anyones part. but if you trust her, than all you can do is trust her and let it go.

 

if you guys are open and communicative its good to be honest about your fears. but try to maintain the appearance of calmness at least.

 

like elliott smith says:

"she appears composed, so she is i suppose."

 

as for myself, i tend to fluctuate between an artificially co-cky bastard, and a shaking pile of nerves. finding the balance is key, lol.

[b11]

well, if anyone is interested, here's an update.

 

i'm doing fine now. the feelings are still there, but i've rationalized them away and i feel pretty good about everything. i'm not a "shaking pile of nerves" (thanks for the post j0shua) and sound confident.

 

but boy, i'll sure be happy when she's back.

[Blue Streak]

well, if anyone is interested, here's an update.

 

i'm doing fine now. the feelings are still there, but i've rationalized them away and i feel pretty good about everything. i'm not a "shaking pile of nerves" (thanks for the post j0shua) and sound confident.

 

but boy, i'll sure be happy when she's back.

 

Good to hear you are doing fine. You are starting to get the concept that she is not going to change your reality, when she comes back. You are you, whether she is involved or not. She will simply influence your perception of reality.